


Atonement

by Aearyn



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi, Questionable Consent, Space Magic, explicit - Freeform, extremely nsfw, mild bondage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 02:13:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 45,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12949092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aearyn/pseuds/Aearyn
Summary: A Jedi with no romantic experience and a gruff twi'lek do not an easy romance make. Especially when the Jedi discovers she has a very specific issue with the Force.





	1. Frustration

**Author's Note:**

> Please note this fic is EXTRA KINKY (more so as the chapters go on). Be warned. Gratuitous smut...I mean, it has a purpose to the plot, but....there's a lot of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild NSFW (mention)

Adaia was relieved to finally have the ship to herself. Well, if one didn’t count the companions she’d been flying with for ages. But no more ship full of diplomats.  After what had happened with Master Syo, she’d needed extra time for meditation, and it was a little difficult to indulge that need with so many guests on the ship. But they’d been drifting in various directions for the past few months, and while she was glad to have had their aid, she was relieved to have her space restored to normal.

Thankfully, Zenith had decided to stay.

What would she have done if he’d just left? He easily could have; he had responsibilities on Balmorra. Was it possible there was an ulterior motive at play? She didn’t think so – she’d been trying for many weeks to get his attention, yet he never turned his eye upon her with anything like attraction.

She realized she’d paused in the act of braiding her pale red hair and was gazing into space; she sighed and finished her task, chiding herself for holding onto something that didn’t even exist. It was almost like she reveled in the angst it caused her, this infatuation of hers. She didn’t pine after him on purpose, but something about him made her want to break all the Jedi rules.  Cross all the lines she’d never thought about crossing.

A lot of Jedi did have carnal relationships, she was aware of that. It wasn’t strictly forbidden, just looked down upon. Fewer had romantic relationships; that was even more taboo. You couldn’t let your emotions get involved. She had never quite understood that – how could one truly understand and aid a friend or ally without empathy? But she understood why the rule was there; for some, emotion could be a downward slide toward the Dark. Love and certainly passion could give way to jealousy, anger, hatred, if one wasn’t careful.

She’d never needed to be careful before. She’d never had a single relationship, physical or romantic, other than friendships she’d made in the Academy. She’d wondered what it was like, before. And of course she’d had some urges. But none that made her really consider going any further.

Not until now.

The moment she’d met Zenith, she’d naturally noted that he was very attractive, but that didn’t mean anything; she’d crossed paths with many attractive people. It was something about his manner, the way he carried himself…he was so gruff and terse. Why would that appeal to her? He wasn’t rude exactly, certainly not to her. And she’d definitely never been attracted to anyone for being short with her, barely wanting to speak with her at all. It was ridiculous, really.

Especially when he clearly didn’t see her as anything other than a Jedi.

Then again, she was terribly inept at…being enticing, one might say.  She’d seen some women who could make men fall at their feet with a sway of the hips and a turn of the head. She was emphatically not one of those women. Having zero experience and almost as little self-confidence in her womanly charms was not very helpful.

Only Nadia knew of her issue. Although she was young, she’d had a couple of what she termed “flings”; and Ailis, knowing this, had actually asked her for advice.  

At first Nadia had been surprised, and then very amused. Adaia wasn’t sure how to take her reaction. Was it that funny that she should want to be seen as a woman?

Nadia had been immediately contrite. “I’m sorry, you’re just so…calm most of the time, I just assumed you wouldn’t be interested in that sort of thing. But it’s only natural, I mean Zenith is quite a looker.”

At this point Adaia had nearly left, sure she had made a mistake by bringing it up to her young friend. But Nadia had given her a little bit of advice, and wished her luck, after which Adaia made her promise, on her word as a Padawan, not to try to interfere, and to keep it secret at all costs.

So far Nadia had kept her word, but Adaia wasn’t faring any better than before. She’d even looked up some articles on the holonet about how to ‘flirt’ – she thought she was getting better at it, honestly, but Zenith was still oblivious. The only time she’d even gotten any reaction from him was when she mentioned something about enjoying a little violence; he’d raised an eyebrow at that, and she’d felt stupid for saying it. While it may be true that she was drawn to danger (considering Zenith’s past and personality, that seemed pretty accurate), why would a man find that attractive? It didn’t make sense. Damn the holonet and its dubious advice.

She decided she needed to stop moping, and some physical exertion was bound to help her. She determined to take her practice staff out and do some training exercises; that usually served to get her mind off of things.

They were currently docked at Tython, having been summoned to a Jedi Council meeting that took place the day before. Growing up, she had spent many hours in the hills around the Academy, and it comforted her now to be able to go out into nature rather than try to practice in the cramped quarters of the ship.  She donned close-fitting pants and a thin, breathable shirt suitable for exercise, and made her way to the ship’s exit. Passing Nadia on the way down, she informed her of her intentions and where she would be in case she was needed; she wasn’t going far, just to a field she knew of that was a quarter mile or so behind the main Jedi complex.

Seeing her face, Nadia didn’t ask to join her – she could probably tell her mentor needed some space at the moment.

She made it to the grassy clearing amongst the trees; although it wasn’t far from the main building, there was enough foliage between the two that most of the sounds were blocked away. She sat in the middle of the clearing, cross-legged in the grass, and breathed deeply of the smell. She didn’t have an aversion to being on her ship, but there were definitely times that she missed the smell of leaves, sap, and flowers. She meditated for a bit to center herself, then stood up and began her training exercises.

She could do the moves almost in her sleep; she always used the same routine when she was alone. It was a familiar balm, the exertion clearing her mind as well as strengthening her body. She whipped her staff this way and that, twirling it, tossing it, lunging with it. Her footwork was like a dance as she whirled about. After about twenty minutes of this her clothes were damp with sweat, her mind blessedly blank for the first time in days, maybe weeks.

But it couldn’t last – she had to stop at some point, if only for water.  As she walked to the edge of the clearing where she’d left her things, she stopped abruptly.

Zenith was there, leaning against a tree. Leaves swayed in the breeze above him, causing shadow patterns to dance across his lekku. His violet eyes bored into her.

And there went her composure. She was only a little embarrassed that he’d seen her practicing; he’d seen her in much worse circumstances, her hair a mess, blood on her face, dirt on her clothes. A little sweat was nothing to be ashamed of. But she regretted that he chased away her calm so easily…she wasn’t sure what to say to him, she never was.

“Sorry for interrupting,” he said as she continued toward him, determined to grab her water and drink it as if nothing was wrong.

“No need to apologize.  Is there…something you needed?” She looked up at him as she bent to retrieve her water, and she could have sworn she saw something in his face as he looked at her. Something…hungry. She must have imagined it.

Then he definitely swallowed.  And didn’t answer.

She hated the feeling of uncertainty he gave her. She was normally good with people – her Force Sensitivity didn’t really lean toward intuiting people’s emotions, but she _was_ good at reading faces and using context to better understand people. But not with him – she could never tell what he was thinking, or what she should do around him.  He stripped away her lifetime of practice dealing with others. It was disconcerting.

Suddenly the thought occurred to her that it might be nice to take out her frustrations directly on him, so to speak. Obviously she didn’t want to harm him, but a little friendly combat couldn’t hurt…

“Would you like to spar with me?” she asked, trying to read his reaction. His brow lowered slightly, and she thought he sighed a little. But he accepted. She handed Zenith her staff, “no point giving myself an unfair advantage,” and looked around the clearing for a suitable ‘weapon’. She spotted a decently straight branch that was dangling 20’ overhead, and she reached out a hand and used the Force to pull it from the tree and into her hand.

“If you’re going to dance around like you were earlier I don’t stand a chance,” Zenith said as they headed back toward the center of the clearing.

She felt her heart skip a beat. Was that a compliment? From Zenith?

“No promises,” she answered.

They took up their positions, and immediately she took the offense, not wanting him to think she’d go easy on him. She had seen him in melee combat before, of course, even though he normally used a blaster rifle when they were on missions. Sometimes you couldn’t avoid close combat. He was quite good at it, really. But she wasn’t cutting him any slack.

They danced around each other for another 5 minutes, one or the other of them occasionally getting a blow in. He looked a little contrite the first time he got through her guard and brought the staff against her arm with a resounding thump, but she just shook it off and kept going. After she got him in the gut with the branch once or twice he seemed a little less inclined to treat her like a delicate flower.

They seemed fairly evenly matched, but it only took one moment for her to be distracted by the corded muscles in his forearm, visible now where he’d rolled up his shirt sleeves, as he reached out to block one of her blows.  His staff came around quickly and swept against her legs, knocking her feet out from under her. She fell with a thud, the breath knocked out of her for a moment. She was about to jump back up when she realized he was holding his hand out to help her.

She took it, and was startled when he yanked her to her feet, causing her to stumble against him. With one hand in his she put her other on his chest to brace herself, and then couldn’t repress a quick intake of breath  as she took in the muscles beneath her palm. She’d never touched him before, other than brief, impersonal contact now and again. She looked up at him, and felt like those violet eyes could suffocate her and she wouldn’t even care.

Abruptly he stepped back, swearing.

“I’m sorry, Jedi. I shouldn’t…I need to go.” He tossed her staff at her feet and turned.

“Zenith, wait!”

He ignored, her stalking back in the direction of the ship.

Dammit! For one brief second, it seemed like maybe he wasn’t oblivious after all. And then his usual terse personality had reasserted itself. She sighed heavily and picked up her staff, tossing the branch into the woods. She gathered her things, wiped her face with the small towel she’d brought, and headed back to the ship herself.


	2. Gross Miscommunication

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very NSFW

She avoided everyone on her return; Nadia, Zenith, Tharan. She went directly to her room and showered. Showering didn’t really help; she still wanted Zenith so badly it was almost painful. She knew there was no chance of getting any relief of her arousal from its object, but she could at least release the tension herself.

After trying to distract herself from the situation for several hours by finishing some reports and sending them to the Council, finally she gave up.

She donned the one ‘slinky’ piece of clothing she owned – something she’d bought in Nar Shaddaa after watching some stupid holovid advertisement about lingerie; she’d almost lost her nerve and run out of the store when she picked it up, but the pretty twi’lek in the shop had told her it matched her eyes. She’d regretted it as soon as she got back - what was she going to do, parade around the ship with it on, hoping Zenith would finally look at her with something other than…grudging respect?

“Gown” was being a bit generous – it barely qualified as a shirt, the deep V in the front extending below her navel, and the sides held together at the top by a thin band of fabric. The dark green silk hit at the very top of her thighs, and whenever she wore it, the feelings it inspired in her facilitated the fantasies she spun in her head, of her and Zenith doing all sorts of wild things. Well…whatever wild things she knew to imagine, anyway. Too bad no one would ever see it.

She felt her heart drop out of her chest when her door buzzed.

“Who-who is it?” she asked, panicking a little, grabbing the blanket off the bed and throwing it over her shoulders.

She heard Zenith’s voice. She wasn’t sure what to do. Turn him away? Let him in? She was fully covered now, but looked like an idiot, with her blanket wrapped around her as if it were 12 degrees in her room.

But her curiosity overrode her embarrassment, and she opened the door with a flick of her wrist. Zenith stepped through, and she closed the door again, not wanting anyone to chance by and see her standing there like that.

Zenith looked a little perplexed, and a little…something else.

“Are you…cold?” he asked.

“I…no, I just got out of the shower, and I hadn’t gotten dressed yet…” that sounded even stupider – why let him in if she wasn’t dressed? Well, she could think of several reasons, but none that would make sense to _him_.

“You’re making this really difficult for me.”

“What?”

He put a hand to the back of his neck, rubbed it.

“I came to apologize. For earlier.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” she lied. Was he apologizing for something that didn’t quite happen, or for walking away from her?

“I’m not sure you do, Jedi. But I--”

“Zenith…I have a name.” She couldn’t help herself; he was in her room, and he little knew it but she was nearly naked under the blanket, and he was still calling her “Jedi” as if she were a piece of furniture.

He stared at her for a few seconds before answering. “Very well. Adaia.”

She closed her eyes for a moment; how many times had she imagined him saying her name? Well, this wasn’t the same context, but she would take it. “Thank you. I don’t think you have anything to apologize for, but please, continue.”

She perched on the end of her bed, looking up at him. He still looked very uncomfortable.

“I think I should go back to Balmorra. For a while.”

She almost dropped the blanket in shock. This was definitely not what she’d expected.

“But…but why?” she knew her voice was a little plaintive, but she just couldn’t quite maintain her calm façade.

“Because…” he looked at the floor, then back at her. “Because I can’t be around you anymore.”

Her face fell, hurt replacing her surprise.  “Oh. I see.”

“No, you don’t!” He sounded angry now. “You don’t see, because you can’t. Jedi think that everyone can go through life without ever getting close to anyone, that they don’t need a love life, a sex life. But some people do, and I feel bad every day because of the way I look at you when you’re not watching – it’s not appropriate, and that’s another reason why I’m sorry. Gods dammit, I meant to apologize for storming off earlier, not tell you all this, but it’s just the truth. Look, I should just go,” he continued, turning around; not even looking at her face, as if he couldn’t bear to.

If he had, he would have seen the emotions reflected there. Foremost was shock. He’d been…looking at her? When she wasn’t watching? The thought of it caused  heat to rush to her face – all this time, he’d had these feelings for her; well, physical inclinations, at the very least, which was more than she’d ever realized. Stars, they’d been dancing around one another and didn’t even know it.

Maybe now was the time to put an end to it.

“Zenith, wait,” she said, grabbing his wrist. He stopped, but didn’t turn around. She let the blanket fall to the floor, shocked at her own temerity, but no longer caring. “Not all Jedi…believe in those restrictions.”

Finally he turned, and when he saw her, her pale skin luminous in the deep green slip that matched her eyes, he let out a pained groan, and immediately, roughly, grabbed her waist – the fabric was so thin and delicate that she could feel the callouses on his hands as he gripped her. He pulled her to him, but still didn’t kiss her.  “You have no idea how dangerous you are…” She could barely think, let alone decipher what he meant; to finally have his hands on her, in the beginnings of an embrace…she had to blink several times to keep her focus.

“Why did you leave earlier, Zenith? I could have told you then how I…” she stopped short of saying “felt” – if all he wanted was a physical interlude, she would be satisfied with that, at least for the time being. “I could have told you what my views are on the subject,” she said instead.

“I left, Adaia, because I was so hard for you that I thought I might take you right there in the damn forest.”

She felt a rush of arousal thrum painfully between her legs. She had never been this turned on before – certainly she’d had her fantasies, but touching herself while she thought of Zenith was a poor second to having him in front of her, saying things like that.

To make sure he understood how she felt about this, she slid her arms up his chest and around his neck, pulling him down towards her just a little.

Finally he kissed her. His lips bruised hers; for a first kiss it was rather brutal, but she didn’t even mind. She didn’t really know what to do, but he was so forceful she just followed his lead. His tongue played along her lips, and she obediently parted them; she made a little noise when his tongue slipped into her mouth. This was what kissing was like, she thought…how had she gone almost 30 years without this? No wonder people wanted to have physical relationships…

She gasped as he slid his hands over her bare skin; the slip dipped low in the back too, and Zenith took full advantage of it, splaying his fingers across her lower back, crushing her to him even more.

She could feel his arousal pressing against her; she began to feel a little bit nervous – of course she knew very well what happened when people had sex, but not having actually done it…

“I never imagined you were one of _those_ Jedi, Adaia…” he murmured in between kisses. She was confused for a minute, but then she realized what he meant: those Jedi that have frequent physical interludes, bedding almost anyone of their preferred persuasion that came across their path, usually without any type of emotional relationship to go along with it. She wanted to deny it, tell him she had eyes for no one else, but she was so afraid he would think she was naïve. She definitely wasn’t telling him she was a virgin – he’d probably leave the room in disgust.

She didn’t say anything, but instead reached up and stroked his lekku; he shuddered, and then reached down and put his hands on her thighs, just below the bottom of her slip.

Her anxiety grew, but her desire was also blossoming; this was what she’d wanted, all this time. She wasn’t jeopardizing it now. And everything he was doing that was making her uncertain was also making her intensely wet.

He slid his hands up her legs, lifting the hem of her gown; slid them around to cup her ass in a firm grip. When she ran her fingers down his lekku again with a feather touch, he squeezed, hard, digging his fingers into her soft flesh. 

With her other hand she pulled at his shirt; he removed his hands for a few seconds only, to pull his shirt up over his head.

 _Galaxies and stars, look at his body!_ she thought, her eyes widening. His muscles were firm and taut, and she counted no less than 8 scars crisscrossing his chest and arms. She explored his skin with her left hand while her right continued rubbing up and down his lekku (something she’d picked up in her holonet studies, a tidbit that seemed to actually be accurate for once).

He bent to kiss her neck…

Then she realized he was unfastening his pants.

She panicked for a second; was this really what she wanted them to do? Is this how she felt about him, is this what she wanted her first time – _their_ first time – to be?  There wasn’t really any romance going on here…but what did she know about romance? Absolutely nothing. She had been thinking lustful thoughts about Zenith for months, and now he was finally about to make those thoughts a reality; it was stupid to back out now. She didn’t know if she _could_ , or if he could. She had no idea how these things worked. But she had instigated this – she had dropped the blanket, taken his hand, purposefully given him the impression she welcomed such trysts. How could she do all that and then reject him? It wouldn’t be fair. She should take what she was getting and be happy with it.

To try and show she knew what she was doing (even though she didn’t), she put her hands on his own hips, and began pushing his pants down over them.  All too soon, they were off, and he’d kicked his boots off too and the pants joined them on the floor. She gasped…he seemed a little gratified by this; thankfully he had no idea her reaction was shock due to never having seen a man naked in her life, rather than being impressed at his size.  She wasn’t about to tell him.

He pushed her down on the bed.

She had another doubt. Maybe she really should stop them now, before this got too far (it was already too far)…she put her hands against his chest. “Zenith….”

He’d pushed her slip up over her hips now, and was pushing her legs apart.

He slipped a finger inside her, and she cried out; how could she stop him when he was doing things like this – her body wanted her to come, but her mind and her heart wanted her to scream out for him to wait, to do this more slowly, to take their time with more kisses and sweet caresses, she didn’t want just a hurried bang in her quarters. Her body betrayed her, her back arching as he slid two fingers inside her, his thumb finding the spot she had only ever stroked herself. His hands penetrating her most intimate places was both insanely arousing and terrifying at the same time.

“Stars…so tight,” he marveled as he continued to stroke her. He sounded almost in awe; little did he know it wasn’t as odd as he thought, considering she’d never been with another man (or woman for that matter).  

“Zenith, wait…”she finally found the presence of mind to say.

He hesitated for a moment, but then, as he withdrew his fingers and climbed up the bed to position himself between her legs, he said “I forgot what you said about liking a little violence.” Her eyes widened…she had no idea that particular idiotic statement would come back to haunt her, especially in this situation. “I can’t bring myself to be violent with you, but if you want to tell me no, go ahead, because I know you can toss me off you anytime you want.”

Her breath was coming in shallow gasps now; at least, if she did have to Force throw him, he would understand…maybe.  “No, I mean it Zenith, I’m not ready for this…” she finally made herself say.

“Gods above that is hot. Fine, I’ll play your game.” He pushed her legs further apart.

She had never felt so torn in her whole life. Half of her desperately wanted him inside her; the other half desperately wanted him to stop.  But she’d managed to tell him no, and he didn’t understand (which wasn’t really his fault, given the previous encouragement she’d given, even if some of it had been an accident). She was going to have to use the Force.

She prepared to put up a Force barrier between herself and him…

…and found that she couldn’t.

She couldn’t draw on the Force.  She whimpered; she felt his hardness pressing into her, and tried again. Nothing.

Zenith took her wrists in one hand; she was so shocked at what felt like a betrayal from the one thing she’d come to rely on most over her life, that she almost didn’t even register it. His other hand slid up across her belly, the green silk of her slip sliding easily out of the way, over her ribs, and came to rest over her breast; again she flashed back to her fantasies of him. But this wasn’t how she’d imagined it.

He held her wrists above her head with one hand, and she knew there was nothing she could do. She cried out as he entered her, murmuring again into her hair about how tight she was, groaning as he slid deeper still. Stars above, it hurt – it had somehow never occurred to her how much it would hurt, the first time. How naïve she was. 

It seemed he could hear the actual pain in her voice, and he immediately let go of her wrists, and put his hand to her face, kissing her.  “I’m sorry, I should be more careful, you’re so…” he trailed off.

She wondered if maybe his ‘forceful’ manner had been more for her benefit than his, a misguided attempt to please her. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, if he just kept being sweet to her, rather than being turned on by her pleas.  To encourage this she slid her hands around his neck, kissed him back.

He reached down and put a hand under her lower back, lifting it slightly. She gasped as he slid in further. Now he was fully inside her, his hips digging into her thighs. It still hurt, but there was something else there, something she’d never felt before.

He pushed, and she made a noise in her throat that he correctly interpreted as pleasure. Being more careful this time, he withdrew, and slowly slid back in. Then again, harder.

Now she was digging her fingers into his muscled back; for a minute she felt better about having let this happen.  She felt the pressure building – she’d had orgasms before, of course, but this wasn’t the same, this was so much more. Having him inside her, filling her, thrusting over and over again; what she’d done for herself before seemed paltry in comparison. He kept his hand on her face, brushing her pale flame of hair away from her cheek, kissing her gently, then more insistently as the noises she made grew more frenzied.

She wrapped her legs around him; he growled against her ear, the sound sending shivers down her spine. She didn’t know if she was supposed to come now or wait for him…she was almost to that point but then her uncertainty pulled her back a little bit.

“Please, Adaia, I can’t…” his obvious pleasure brought her back to the precipice. Then; “come for me, Adaia. Please, I need to feel you come.”

She came. Explosively. She cried out his name, her body shuddering in ecstasy, her orgasm radiating out from between her legs to race down every nerve, pulsating over and over again as he continued thrusting.  Then she felt him push into her one last time, hard, felt him throbbing within her as he came, groaning her name into her hair.

She was panting, and so was he. He lowered himself a little and nuzzled her neck; she kept her arms around him, not wanting him to see her face just yet.

Because now that it was over, and she was coming down from her climax, she felt crushed. By her own actions, by her body, by him, by the absence of the Force when she needed it. She still cared about him, and she didn’t blame him.  How could he know that she really hadn’t been able to use the Force? She could have told him at the time…should have. But she’d been so confused; she still was. Horribly confused, and conflicted.

The bottom line was, she was no longer a virgin, and Zenith, the only man she’d ever wanted any sort of relationship with, physical or romantic (more like both), had rather roughly taken her virginity. They could never replicate this first time, even if they came out of this with any sort of relationship intact.

Zenith untangled her arms from around his neck, and she did her best to school her features so he wouldn’t notice her grief.  He rolled to the side, extended his arm, tucked her into him, seemingly oblivious to her devastation. Well, that’s what she was going for. A Force user might be able to see through her façade, but thankfully he could not.

His manner was comforting her somewhat; at least he hadn’t told her she was “a good lay” or something equally awful, and sauntered out.  He stroked her cheek with the back of his hand.

“Well. That was…really amazing.”

Even in her distress, she managed to feel a little gratified. At least he’d been satisfied with their encounter; she could say that for herself.

“Agreed,” she replied softly. She wasn’t sure what else she was supposed to say, but apparently words weren’t necessary. He kissed the top of her head and squeezed her a little tighter.

Was this normal? Did this mean he...had tender feelings toward her? Or was this just what people did after sex? Maybe this is the sort of thing she should have looked up on the holonet…it wasn’t like she was about to ask anyone. 

After a short time, his breathing slowed, and she knew he slept. She lay there for a while, wanting to enjoy the feeling of being cradled against him, but her stomach was in knots.

What was wrong with her? What made her unable to use the Force when she’d called it? That had never happened to her in her entire life.

She didn’t feel very confident about her ability to engage in any further physical interludes with Zenith, or with anyone, unless she could figure this out. It was something intrinsic to her being, and she was sick with worry over it already. And she couldn’t tell Zenith about it, because then he’d realize what had happened to her tonight. And he’d feel unpardonably guilty. She couldn’t do that to him. But if she didn’t tell him, and didn't try to fix it…what if he did this again? Without knowing? The thought made her stomach clench up even more.

And to add to her distress, she couldn’t even enjoy this situation – lying naked with Zenith, his arm tight around her, his glorious body sprawled out across her bed. She’d fantasized about this so many times, but she was so anxious she couldn’t even take much joy from it.

Then she remembered something that Gaden-Ko had said to her, many weeks ago, when he’d first come to stay on her ship with his retinue of other Voss. Something about Voss healers providing therapy in all sorts of realms – mental, physical, even sexual. He’d mentioned that it seemed Jedi were often in need of the latter. She’d been a little surprised at the time but hadn’t thought much more about it. 

What if this had something to do with it? What if this was some sort of…Jedi affliction? It seemed stupid, but if there was a way to fix this…she had to find it.

She carefully moved Zenith’s arm, wriggled out from the bed, and drew the blanket up over him. She pulled her slip back down, then quietly opened a drawer and pulled some shorts from it, slipping them on.  She went around the corner to her ‘desk’ area and began searching the holonet for anything on the Voss healers. She couldn’t find much, considering that Voss was newly discovered, but there were a few mentions, enough to encourage her. She determined to head to Voss straightaway, maybe she could even ask Gaden-Ko – well, that was bound to be embarrassing. But he hadn’t seemed to feel awkward about it when he’d mentioned it before, so maybe it wouldn’t matter to him.

She was supposed to head to Coruscant tomorrow, but her companions would have to go in her place.  She needed to find out what was going on, and fix this Force-ailment, if she was going to have any chance at a relationship – with Zenith, or anyone else.


	3. Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No NSFW

She maintained her calm demeanor until Zenith left – he probably would have stayed the night, but she told him she didn’t want the rest of the crew making any comments; Nadia was impressionable, after all (she felt a little hypocritical using this as an excuse considering Nadia was more experienced than she was, but Zenith didn’t know that). He seemed slightly suspicious of her demeanor, but now that she had a plan, she was a little less anxious, and she was able to laugh off his concerns, on the surface at least. She didn’t get any sleep though, after he left – she found herself feeling a little bereft. It was utter idiocy, she knew; she’d never had anyone sleep in her bed with her before, and especially given the circumstances, she could hardly miss it after only having it for a couple hours.

In the morning, she called the crew to the center of the ship and let them know she’d be heading to Voss, and they’d need to take care of the business in Coruscant without her.

They were all surprised until she told them (lied to them, she reminded herself guiltily) that she needed to meet Gaden-Ko about some important matters on Voss. Zenith was shocked, and seemed a little hurt; he tried to speak to her alone after her announcement, but she couldn’t talk to him about it. Not yet. Nadia eyed her suspiciously, but she couldn’t explain to her either. She made some excuse and went to her room to get her things together; they would go to the Republic fleet first, and then she’d take a transport to Voss. There was no reason for her to take the ship with her. She had already contacted Gaden-Ko, just telling him she’d like to speak to him about the Mystics’ healing abilities, and he seemed happy to receive her.

Later, she was in the kitchen making caf, a necessity after her sleepless night, when Zenith approached. She couldn’t stop in the middle of the process; it would be too obvious.

“Jedi,” he said as he entered the room, but when he got closer to her, “Adaia, what is going on?”

The confusion in his voice was difficult to bear – he was normally so taciturn, that hearing emotion from him, and directed at her…she almost broke down and told him the truth. But she remembered just in time how much pain her admission would cause him. She had to try to fix herself first; then she could come back, say she’d had some sort of Jedi crisis, and they could pick back up where they’d left off. That was an overly optimistic expectation, she knew, but she had always been positive.

“I’m…sorry to leave like this. But it’s just something I need to do, as a Jedi.” She’d looked away from him as she said this, unable to lie while looking into his violet eyes. But it wasn’t really a lie, was it? It was indeed her Force sensitivity, or lack thereof, that had caused this problem.

“Is this…because of what happened? I thought…” he trailed off, cleared his throat. “I thought you’d done this plenty of times, so is it…is it because of me, personally?”

She couldn’t let him think that. Not because of her not telling him the truth. She got closer to him, made sure there was no one around, put her hand on his face, stood on her toes, and kissed him. He started to kiss her back, moved his hand behind her neck – but she drew back; she couldn’t do any more than that right now. But hopefully it would reassure him that she didn’t hate him.

“It’s related, but it’s not exactly about that. I can’t explain right now, and I’m sorry, but we can talk about it when I get back.”

He sighed, but seemed to be comforted by this, and didn’t ask her about it again.

When they reached the fleet, she bid them goodbye, disembarked, and made her way to the departures area to catch a shuttle for Voss.


	4. Introductions and First Lessons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

As expected, Gaden-Ko welcomed her, and invited her to stay in his family’s home. His family had been killed before she’d arrived on Voss many moons ago, but now several members of his entourage stayed with him. He’d stayed on her ship with her for several months, but just a couple of weeks before had told her he needed to spend some time on Voss, cultivating relationships with his own people, to which she had readily agreed. It was good for him to keep ties to where he came from, especially considering that the Republic had a tentative relationship with Voss, at best.

Once he’d offered her tea (she loved Voss-ka tea), she asked if she could speak with him about the private matter she’d mentioned over the holocom. He gestured toward a small sitting room off the main room of his home, and she took a seat. She reminded herself that this wasn’t anything he hadn’t already heard of; he’d brought it up to her in the first place. There was no reason to be embarrassed.

She still spoke a little haltingly.

“I remember you once mentioned to me that…Jedi sometimes need…a certain kind of healing that the Mystics are proficient with.”

Gaden-Ko nodded, but didn’t quite pick up on what she meant right away. “Yes, the Mystics are proficient at many types of therapy; they are able to heal wounds of the spirit, of the mind, of the body—“ he noticed she was looking down, and broke off. “Ah, I see. I believe I understand what you are referring to, and I can take you to the Healer’s Enclave where they handle such things.”

She thanked him profusely – for introducing her to the parties in question, but also for not asking her for details.

The enclave was not terribly far, only half an hour’s walk to the north from where they now sat. She agreed to walking, as she was very fond of Voss’s landscape and was happy to take this chance to soak it in.

On the way they spoke of his progress in his endeavors; the Voss were resistant to change, but he was confident that he was making inroads. He expressed interest in her crew, hoping that Nadia had made some progress with her meditation (she hadn’t).

All too soon they arrived at the enclave, which was set rather far apart from other buildings in the area, and as they entered there was only a small room in the front from which several doors led off to other rooms. Gaden-Ko led her through the far-right door, into a room whose floor was covered in thick, soft rugs, in the center of which a young female Voss sat, meditating.

The young woman looked up as they entered.

“Tana-Re,” Gaden-Ko bowed to her. “I have brought a guest of mine, Adaia, a Jedi who is in need of your assistance.”

“Thank you, Gaden-Ko,” she responded. She nodded to him, and he in turn took his leave of Adaia; she was surprised at the brevity of this introduction but supposed this was a rather personal situation and he wouldn’t want to intrude as she began speaking with the other woman.

Tana-Re gestured to Adaia. “Hello, Jedi. Please, sit.”

Adaia knelt on the floor a couple of feet across from her. “Should I…tell you what the issue is now?”

“Please begin meditation, and hold out your hand. I will be able to determine what ails you more easily that way.”

She was surprised but did as she was bid, closing her eyes and focusing the Force. Thankfully it responded exactly as she expected; she’d tested it multiple times last night after Zenith left with the same result, but ever since she’d been unable to use it during their encounter, she was nervous every time she called upon it.

She felt her spirit calm somewhat as she meditated, and then held out her hand. Tana-Re did not touch her, but merely put her hand just above Adaia’s upturned one. She could feel Tana-Re’s Force ability brushing up against her own, probing. This went on for about five minutes, until finally Tana-Re said that she had all the information she needed. She opened her eyes, surprised and a little skeptical, but she knew better than to question the Voss's methods; she’d come to them for help, after all.

Tana-Re led her into the center of three doors that led off from this chamber, into yet another chamber. This one also had luxurious rugs, and some well-cushioned chairs around the perimeter, but was otherwise empty. Tana-Re left her in this room for a moment, continuing through another door. If she went through many more doors, Adaia thought, she wouldn’t be able to find her way out again.

After a few moments, Tana-Re returned with a tall, broad-shouldered Voss, his skin a beautiful pearlescent shade of cerulean. He bowed to her, introduced himself as Valen-Zo in a deep, melodic multi-tonal voice. She found his voice quite soothing and lovely, and wondered if she would be working with him on whatever…treatment she was supposed to undergo.

She hadn’t really thought much about what form the treatment would take. She assumed there would be a lot of meditation involved, but beyond that she had no idea. Well, no need for conjecture; she was soon to find out.

Valen-Zo motioned her to follow him through the door, and they entered another room, this one with a large platform in the center with various pillows, cushions, and blankets on it, with curtains hanging on either side. As she looked up she saw that the heavy curtains could be closed all the way around the platform. Well, that was interesting.

There was incense burning in the room, and as she inhaled it she immediately had a strange feeling. It didn’t affect the clarity of her thoughts, per se, but she began to feel a little flushed and…aroused? That was _very_ odd. There was nothing particularly enticing about her surroundings. She glanced at Valen-Zo to see what his reaction was; he was watching her.

“You have noticed the incense. It is meant to inspire a feeling of lowered inhibition, to help the healing process.”

“Oh. Umm, yes of course.” She blushed a little, and he chuckled and gave her what was almost a smile. “I’m afraid I don’t really…know much about this whole process, Valen-Zo.”

“Of course,” he replied, gesturing her to seat herself on the cushion-covered platform. “Tana-Re has told me that your Force-affliction causes you to lose your power over the Force at certain…inopportune times, is that correct?”

Adaia’s eyes widened in shock. She had no idea they could tell that much from a simple meditative link. Then she flushed again, suddenly realizing she’d have to tell this man all her secrets, her sexual history (or lack thereof), and the details of what had happened to her the day before.

On the other hand, he’d confirmed that he was familiar with her issue, and that gave her hope.

Well, she may as well just get it over with. No use being embarrassed about it – this was what these healers did, right?

“Yes, that is correct. And I have only just found this out. I…didn’t even know such afflictions existed until yesterday.”

“Had you never tried to draw on the Force during sex before? Or were you a virgin up until recently?”

The incense seemed to be having its intended effect – she was feeling less and less embarrassed to spill her life story to him.

“I was a virgin, yes.”

“Understood. Before we begin, I would like you to confirm you understand you will be sharing intimate details of your life. This is required for the diagnosis phase of treatment. If you do not wish to continue, you are free to leave before we begin.”

She was of course aware this would be part of the process, so she nodded her agreement.

“Very well, then. Please meditate for me, holding out both hands, similar to what you did with Tana-Re.”

She did as requested, finding it even easier this time, presumably due to the atmosphere of “lowered inhibitions”, as Valen-Zo had termed it.

Unlike Tana-Re, he immediately took her hands in his own. His hands were large, warm, and smooth. She could not only feel his Force-ability touching hers, but rather it enveloped her, enfolded her, searching at the edges of her awareness. If it wasn’t for the incense, she thought lazily, she might have been a little perturbed by the sensation. As it was, she found it rather interesting.

They remained this way for some time, but Adaia was perfectly happy to continue; being surrounded by someone else’s Force aura in a non-threatening way was an odd experience. She assumed it must be somewhat akin to what others felt when she healed them.

Finally Valen-Zo let go of her hands and told her to open her eyes. He looked a little bit concerned.

“Your affliction is deep-seated. I cannot guarantee that we can eradicate it, but I am sure we can make progress.”

Well, that was disappointing, but progress was better than nothing.

“I understand. Can you explain what the issue is to me? As I said, I am totally unfamiliar with it.”

“As you know, the Force can be wielded by certain people because they are able to assert control over it, bending it to their will. However, with some Force-users, extreme sexual arousal seems to disrupt their control.” This sounded a little farfetched but Adaia couldn’t argue; she’d experienced it first-hand.

“We have noticed this among our own people for quite some time; it is why this facility exists, to help our Mystics who have experienced it. More recently, we have been seeing Sith and Jedi who have learned of this treatment. In my experience, Sith are more likely to lose control in ways that cause damage to nearby property.” Adaia couldn’t help but smile a little at this. “Most Jedi, on the other hand, are apt to lose their grip on the Force and become unable to wield it properly, if at all.”

Adaia found herself fervently wishing that someone at the Academy had ever mentioned this to her. It was almost cruel to let people find this out for themselves.

“It is in fact a fairly rare disorder, and some have it worse than others. I’m afraid yours seems to be severe, but as I said, we can attempt to treat it.”

She nodded. _Of course_ she had a severe case.  Oh well – no use lamenting it now. After all, it only affected her sex life, which was until recently non-existent. She thought of Zenith…and hoped that there was something they could do for her. She didn’t want to think about having to tell him what had happened due to her being broken, and that she was _still_ broken, knowing he probably wouldn’t want their relationship to continue.

“There is one problem, however.” Valen-Zo’s amber-red eyes were fixed on her. “You may be…uncomfortable with the treatment, given that you have very little sexual experience.”

What did that mean? Did you have to be experienced in order to benefit from this, somehow?

“Why is that relevant?”

“Tell me, what would you assume this treatment involved?”

She thought about it. “I…hadn’t really thought about it much, but I would assume a lot of meditation exercises? Perhaps some physical ones as well?”

“That is correct, in a sense. But the physical aspect of the treatment is probably more intimate than what you are thinking of.” He watched her while these words sunk in.

Again, due to whatever was in the incense, her deep green eyes widened only slightly as she worked through this statement.

“You mean…there’s actual sex involved?”

He nodded. “Quite a lot of it actually.”

“Oh.”

“Indeed.” He was silent for another moment, then continued. “If you are not comfortable with this, we can try meditation only, but I can tell you now, that will do little good in your case.”

She pondered this for several minutes. She had just had sex for the first time, literally yesterday. It had been…not the best experience, due partially to her stupidity and partially to her affliction. It had ended alright physically (quite well, honestly), but that didn’t change the fact that she was extremely new to this. And now she was supposed to have sex with someone else? And wait a minute…

“Who with?”

“Me, for one. As long as you are comfortable with it.”

Oh, stars. Now she felt a blush blazing on her face, despite the stupid incense. Not to mention…for one? What did that mean? She asked him.

“The treatment involves a few different…situational therapies,” he replied. “Obviously, you are free to refuse any of the methods, if you wish.”

Suddenly she seriously doubted her ability to go through with this. She was going to, at minimum, triple the number of sexual partners she’d had, within just a few days. That seemed…unhealthy. But it wasn’t like she was sleeping with everyone she came across. There was a purpose to this, she wasn’t just doing it for entertainment.

She thought of Zenith again. Would he hate her for doing this? Or would he hate her more when she told him that she’d been serious the other night, and she’d been unable to use the Force to back up her words, and then hadn’t said anything to him? At this point, she didn’t know how she could salvage their…whatever they had started. But she knew she would have a very hard time sleeping with him, or with anyone, ever again, if she didn’t at least try…something.

Not only that, but she felt like she might go insane with the constant fear that the Force would fail her. Even though now she knew it was based on arousal…logically, that may be the case, but she knew the rest of her life would suffer from that fear as well.

“I’ll do it. At least…I will try. But you must understand…I’m not sure I can go through with…everything.”

He nodded. “Of course. We will begin slowly, to allow you to adjust. Would you like to start now?”

What?! Her stomach gave a lurch – she wasn’t ready, not yet! She needed to prepare herself, to…

To what? she chided herself. He said they would start slowly, surely she could handle whatever that meant. The sooner she got started, the sooner she could get this over with and go back to her life, and hopefully try to patch things up with Zenith.

He had smiled very slightly; clearly her initial panic had been obvious. But she took a deep breath and answered, “Yes, very well. But, I feel I should tell you something first.”

“You are…distressed. Please, go ahead.”

“Yesterday, the first time…” She took yet another breath, “I…invited it, requested it even, but then, when it came down to actually doing it, I…I found I was scared, and I attempted to use the Force to halt what was happening.”

His eyes plainly showed his concern. “And you were unable to call upon it as expected.”

“Right. So…that’s how I came to be here. It wasn’t his fault; more of a gross misunderstanding between the two of us, but…I just thought you should know.”

“I’m very sorry this happened to you, Jedi. It does not give one a good impression of the experience to have the first time be so negative.” He put his hand over hers.

She blinked, hard; the empathy in his voice struck a chord in her for some reason. But she closed her eyes and calmed herself. His wasn’t a shoulder to cry on, he was there to help her with a different matter, and she didn’t need to let herself get distracted.

“So…what do I need to do?” she asked, determined to begin.

She followed as he rose and walked to a cabinet, withdrew a bundle of fabric, which he then handed to her. He gestured toward the left of two doors, and instructed her to change into the clothes he’d given her. She proceeded into the room, which had a small couch as well as a huge bath, shower, and sink. As she pulled off her boots and placed them neatly next to the sofa, she shook out the garment he’d given her.

 _Oh my_. It was a silky texture, deep vibrant blue with silver embroidery all over. It was a robe, with a silver cord for a belt, but it was unlike anything she’d ever worn; there were slits up the side all the way to her waist.  She put it on, leaving her underclothes on underneath, but then it occurred to her that perhaps this wasn’t really meant to be worn with underwear. Blushing even though no one was in the room, she took off her underthings and folded them into her clothes, which she set on the couch next to her boots. She felt extremely exposed, but she was going to have to dive into this sooner or later; might as well take the plunge.

She returned to the main room, her face still a little bit pink. Valen-Zo was sitting on the platform, and he beckoned to her to join him. She nervously ran her hands down the front of the beautiful blue robe, her palms suddenly sweaty.

As she walked toward him, she noticed the original incense that had been placed by the door had burned down, and a slightly different smell was burning from a censure inside the curtains of the platform. It had a heady smell, like some kind of nectar, and immediately she felt a pulse of arousal, similar when she’d first walked into the room, but stronger. She glanced at Valen-Zo and contemplated him for a moment. She supposed, if she had to receive sexual therapy from someone, she didn’t mind it being him – he was quite attractive, after all. Not as attractive as Zenith, she amended loyally, but he was definitely pleasing to look at.

And hopefully, pleasing to…do other things to.

With! Things with! Stars, that new incense was some potent stuff.

She stepped up onto the platform, and Valen-Zo extended a hand to her, drawing her down onto the cushions with him.

He continued to hold her hand, then turned it over, and began stroking her palm with his thumb.

She was shocked at the sensations this caused. She got chills across her chest and along her arm, and actually shivered a little. She looked down, and was somehow taken with how white her skin appeared next to his blue.

“Jedi.” He waited until her eyes were on his. “I want you to know, that no matter what is happening, this is a house of healing above all else. I, nor anyone else, will _never_ force you to do anything you are uncomfortable with. _Any_ time that you wish to say no, you can do so, and we will stop. Do you understand?”

For some reason that made her chin tremble ever so slightly. But she calmed herself, and nodded. “Yes, Valen-Zo.”

“Good. Now, I intend to touch you, are you comfortable with that?” She took another deep breath, nodded again. He reached out a hand and placed it on her collarbone.

A sharp intake of breath, but that was all. He slid his hand into the curve between her neck and shoulder, slowly. He kept his eyes on her, and she tried to maintain eye contact with him as much as she could, as he slid his hand outward, over her shoulder, underneath the robe. His hand moved down her arm, still very slowly; she knew he was making sure she had ample opportunity to stop him at any time, if she wished.

His hand reached her elbow, and the loose robe fell down on that side, dropping so one breast was exposed. She gasped again, but didn’t move to close it.

“Good. Now, please try to use the Force. Close the curtains.”

She did as he requested, or tried to; already her Force control was wavering, and it took her a few tries to get them fully closed. Now all that lit them was a lantern hanging from the ceiling above the platform, which she hadn’t noticed before as the rest of the room had been lit with other sources. Its golden glow bathed them in a warm light.

He nodded, moved his hand from her arm, and put it back on her collarbone. Slid it down one inch. She felt another thrum of desire; she knew where his hand was headed. And she found herself wanting him to touch her. Almost unconsciously, she took a deep breath, arching her back slightly and leaning into his hand. He smiled slightly, and moved his hand a little faster, inch by inch, until it covered her breast. Another deep breath, and he put his hand underneath it, weighing it, then ran his thumb over her nipple. She whimpered a little at that; in their frenzied (and at times unsure) lovemaking yesterday, Zenith hadn’t really touched her all that much, and this languid pace, with the incense….

It was definitely affecting her.

She took Valen-Zo’s other hand, which was still holding hers, and raised it to the edge of the robe on the other side. He looked a little surprised, but put his fingers around the fabric, slid it to the side, and down.

Now she was naked from the waist up. Valen-Zo seemed to drink her in; he put a hand on either side of her ribcage, his thumbs lifting her breasts slightly as he looked at them.

“You are a remarkably beautiful woman, Jedi.”

“I…I am? I mean, thank you,” she added, feeling a little bit foolish. She didn’t remember the last time she’d gotten a compliment like that; Zenith seemed to think she was attractive (and she had waited long enough for _that_ indication), but he hadn’t said anything about her being beautiful…then again there hadn’t been much time for that so far. She needed to stop basing her entire thought process on him.

She also needed to get back to the present. In which Valen-Zo’s hands were on her breasts again – and now his head was bending toward her chest.

She whimpered more loudly this time as he gently licked her nipple, then took it in his mouth. She was already almost as aroused as she had been last night, and they’d barely done anything. She thought if he was to put his hand between her legs now she would come immediately and all this would be over.

He lifted his head, looked up at her. “Try opening the curtains.”

 _Damn the curtains!_ she thought, but did as he asked. The fabric waved, swaying out of the way, only to fall back into place; after about 20 seconds of trying, she’d only made a 6” gap.

“Hmm. Interesting. We should continue.”

_He was damn right they should._

“Please lay back.” She panicked for just a moment, but calmed herself; if she grew uncomfortable, she would tell him to stop. But so far, the only discomfort she was feeling was the increasing pressure between her legs.

She obeyed. As she leaned back he arranged the robe so it wouldn’t ride uncomfortably under her lower back, and placed a couple pillows behind her head. She thought this was very considerate of him; but then again, it was his job to know how to do these things.

Then he reached for the cord at her waist. Her eyes widened, and he stopped, his hand hovering over her.

“May I?”

“I…”

“That’s fine, we can wait.” She was relieved – she may have been bold when it came to exposing her breasts, but she didn’t think she was quite ready to expose everything else. Not just yet.

But then he put his hand on the inside of her ankle.

Stars above, she knew what was happening next.

_And she wanted it._

Her breath was growing more shallow, as he trailed his hand up her leg, over her calf, across her knee, which was now exposed by the large slit in the robe. He watched her the whole time, waiting for a negative shake of the head, a refusal. But she gave none.

He touched her inner thigh. She drew in a breath, her anticipation running rampant, but then he stopped. He started on the other leg, at the ankle, then upward. _This is a cruel form of therapy_ , she thought.

Again he stopped when his hand reached her thigh. But this time he took hold of her ankle, moved it outward. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly now; he put his hand on her other ankle, pushed to the side as well. Her legs were spread wide now, her naked chest gleaming in the lantern light, only the center panels of the robe laying between her legs were providing any covering at all.

The incense burner flickered, gave a sizzle. He reached up absently and twisted a dial at the bottom, and the volume of smoke emitting from the device increased slightly.

He was kneeling between her legs. His hand went under the center of the robe, and slid upward underneath it, gathering it over his arm as he went. She was watching his hand intently, and he was watching her. He stopped, waited for her to raise her eyes to his. She knew what he wanted.

Suddenly, she regretted the presence of the robe. She wanted to see his hand touching her, wanted to watch his fingers disappear inside her.

She realized what she was thinking and was immediately shocked with herself. It had to be the incense – either that or she was a lot more sexually repressed than she’d realized. Clearly taking care of her own needs in the privacy of her bedroom wasn’t really that fulfilling. Or perhaps she hadn’t been doing it right.

Throwing caution to the wind, she reached down and grabbed Valen-Zo’s wrist with one hand, before he could touch her. Then she took his other hand and moved it toward the cord at her waist.

“Are you sure?” He made sure to ask.

“Yes,” she breathed, and he complied: pulled the knot on the cord loose, drew away first one end of it, then the other.

Pushed the robe to either side.

Though it was warm inside the curtains, the air against her exposed wetness made her shiver. She slowly released his hand, and watched as his blue fingers, dark in the lantern light, gently touched her pale skin, parting her and stroking between. She couldn’t help but close her eyes for a moment as she whimpered; she was so close to an orgasm already, she hoped he wouldn’t be disappointed if she came before she was supposed to.

When this thought occurred to her she pulled her legs together a little bit, not wanting to fail at this. He firmly pushed them apart again.

“Don’t concern yourself – this time is for exploring and learning about your body, and I can do that for quite a while, whether you orgasm now or later, or five times in between.”

She flushed a little. Had he read her mind? Possibly. More likely, he could easily read the signs she was giving.

He continued stroking her, watching her face and her body for her reaction.

Then he spread her apart with his other hand, and positioned his fingers at her opening, looking at her again for confirmation.

“Yes!” she gasped out.

“First, I want you to try once more with the curtains.”

He hadn’t said this treatment would be more like torture!

But she obeyed. Concentrated hard, or at least as hard as she could when she felt his fingers lightly touching, ready to penetrate her…

The curtains fluttered slightly, but that was it.

“Very good.” Before she could process his approval, he slipped two fingers inside her. Very slowly, he slid them in, until he could go no further. Drew them out, and then pushed in again. She was moaning by this point.

Then he lightly stroked thumb over her clit, and she shattered, her body tightening around his hand, her hips jerking as she came.

He’d been very professional up to this point, but as she came she heard him give a low hum of satisfaction. This made her feel inordinately good for some reason.

She assumed he would stop, but he didn’t.

His fingers still inside her, pressing against insanely sensitive flesh, he asked, “Would you like to continue?”

“C-continue what?” she wondered.

“We can go further, if you allow it.”

She didn’t know what else he planned to do; after all, she had already come, and although she knew it was possible to come a second time, it seemed very unlikely, so she was a little confused. But she wanted more of whatever he wanted to give her, so she assented.

“Please,” she sighed, still wondering what else was in store for her.

Then he knelt between her legs. Bent his head.

_What was he doing??_

She didn’t have to wait long to find out. His tongue found that same spot between her legs, and her head fell back as she cried out – his fingers continued to press inside her, and she felt another orgasm building. Impossible, there was no way she could come again that fast, she thought.

As his tongue flicked over her heat, she did. Once again her muscles tightened around his fingers, and she shuddered as ecstasy wracked her body.

He gave that satisfied noise again; she was glad she pleased him, even if that wasn’t the point of this exercise. She wasn’t sure what the point _was_ , but she seemed to be doing fine by his standards.

Panting, she relaxed onto the cushions, unsure how much more of this she could take.

Seeing her exhaustion, he withdrew his fingers, and pulled the robe back around her. She didn’t quite have the energy to resist or complain; in fact, she was almost glad. If this was just the first day, she didn’t know how she’d survive a second, or a third.

He helped her get her arms into the sleeves, retied the cord. Then he reached down and easily picked her up; she protested that she could walk, but he pointed out that her knees were probably like jelly, and she reluctantly agreed that he might be correct. As he stood, he asked her once more to part the curtains.

This time, she was able to do so, although she had to concentrate quite hard.

“Good,” he said again, and passed through them. He walked back through the door she’d first come through, and then through the next door over, which was a small room with a comfortable bed and a skylight. She saw her things on a table…apparently Gaden-Ko knew enough about this place to know she’d be staying here at least overnight, and he’d had them sent over. That was nice of him, she thought, but then it occurred to her that that also meant he knew what went on behind these closed doors. That was rather embarrassing. But he hadn’t batted an eyelash when she’d told him where she needed to go, so maybe the Voss weren’t self-conscious about that sort of thing. She certainly hoped not.

Valen-Zo deposited her on the bed, and told her someone would bring her clothes from the other room. She nodded sleepily, and noticed that it was dusk outside.

She fell asleep before he even made it out of the room.


	5. Lessons Continue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

The next day she awoke to birdsong; she stretched luxuriantly in the bed, feeling extremely well rested.

Just as it occurred to her to wonder what bed she was in, memories of the previous day rushed back.

Her face flushed so hard she thought it might burst into flame; there was no incense now, nothing to diminish her embarrassment. But nothing that had happened should embarrass her, she told herself – she was here for a medical issue, and if treatment involved intimate encounters, then so be it. Valen-Zo had been nothing but professional and kind, and above all else she was glad to note she didn’t at all feel violated. Self-conscious, yes. But as she let her thoughts review yesterday’s events in detail…

Even without the incense, she felt a rush of arousal. She had certainly relieved her own physical needs before, and yes, it felt good. But having Valen-Zo touch her the way he had…and with his tongue…it was above and beyond anything she’d managed to accomplish for herself. She found herself hoping she could look forward to more of the same today.

She was rising from the bed and wondering whether she should put her own clothes back on, when there was a knock. She rearranged the blue robe and opened the door to find Tana-Re holding a tray of food and tea.

“Oh, I’m sorry to have put you to this trouble, should I have arisen earlier?” She felt contrite – she hadn’t gotten the feeling that Tana-Re’s position was one that involved delivering tea.

“It is no trouble, Jedi. This is part of my duties here; we feel it makes guests more comfortable to see only a few, familiar faces while treatment is ongoing.” Adaia could not disagree with this statement, and thanked her as she set the tray on a table.

Tana-Re gestured to an envelope on the tray. “Valen-Zo has left instructions for you, please review them at your leisure.” Then she left.

Instructions? Interesting. She decided to leave them for a few minutes, as she found she was ravenous, and quickly devoured the small breakfast on the tray.

Then she poured her second cup of tea and picked up the datapad.

The message instructed her to don a new robe from the wardrobe. She was then to proceed to the room she’d changed in the day before, to bathe. She remembered the large bath, a luxury she’d rarely partaken of, and made haste to do as requested.

When she was ready she exited the room and made her way through the room from last night; seeing the platform, she blushed a little, remembering what had occurred there. She hurried to the changing room and found that steaming water already filled the tub, and a small bowl burned with the same heady scent of incense she’d smelled yesterday. She supposed this was supposed to help her relax for whatever was in store for her today. She removed the new robe, laying it on the small couch, and walked to the tub, dipped her fingers into the water, testing the temperature.

It was hot, but bearably so; she stepped up onto the lip of tile that surrounded the tub, put her foot over the edge, and slowly lowered herself in.

The water was silken with some sort of soap; it was really quite lovely on the skin. She leaned back and dipped her hair into the water; she found she didn’t need anything else to wash her hair, as the soapy substance lathered quite nicely. The Voss certainly knew how to make a luxurious bath.

She managed to turn on the faucet at the head of the tub briefly to rinse her hair, and then piled it on top of her head.

She slid down a little in the water, sighing with pleasure; she couldn’t remember the last time she’d done something like this.

Then there was a knock on the door. She nearly panicked, but calmed herself – she was confident no one would enter the room unbidden, given what Valen-Zo had said yesterday.

She heard his voice on the other side of the door. “Adaia. May I come in?”

This time she did panic a little. “I'm…give me a moment to get out,” she called back.

“That rather defeats the purpose,” he replied, amusement clear in his voice.

Oh.

_Oh._

She could do this, she thought. She _would_ do this.

She took a deep breath. “Enter.”

Valen-Zo slowly opened the door, entered the room. “Please try to close the door behind me,” he asked.

She concentrated, doing her best to draw on the Force; she could feel its flow, but it wavered, slipped away from her like water through her fingers. Valen-Zo’s approach did nothing to assist in her endeavors. She finally managed to close the door, but it took several attempts.

Once the door was shut, he knelt on the platform next to the bath. “Are you ready to continue where we let off?” he asked her, watching her face for any sign of fear or panic.

She was breathing faster now; the tops of her breasts rose and fell above the water. She saw him glance downward, distracted for a moment, and for some reason this helped dispel her nerves somewhat, and even made her feel a bit bold. She kept her eyes on his face as she rose slightly, exposing her chest to the air. She was gratified to see Valen-Zo take a deep breath, and then drag his eyes back to hers.

“Yes,” she finally answered.

He pushed up the sleeve of his robe, and slipped his hand into the water. Her pulse immediately quickened; she felt heat blossoming between her legs.

His hand traced up her leg, underneath the water. When he reached her inner thigh, she closed her eyes and leaned her head back, hoping he was going to do what he’d done yesterday. He obliged her, sliding two fingers into her.

She spread her legs a little further, her knees resting against the sides of the tub. He rewarded her by pressing his fingers in deeper. But then he withdrew them, and her eyes opened.

He was watching her, and she looked down and could see through the clear water that he had three fingers positioned against her heat. She bit her lip, looked back at him, nodded slightly.

She watched for a moment as he pushed them into her, but then she couldn’t help but close her eyes and whimper; it was slightly painful, but more a pleasurable ache than actual pain. He moved his fingers inside her for a bare few seconds, and then withdrew them again. She almost complained, but caught herself in time.

“Are you ready to continue?”

She was sure she was, but she didn’t know what was next, so she wasn’t quite prepared to answer.

“What…” she cleared her throat, tried to steady her breathing. “What’s next?”

He stood up and retrieved a towel from the wardrobe, stepped up to the tub again and held it out for her.

Oh dear…she’d never stood fully naked before a man before. Out of all the things that had happened over the past few days, she was surprised this one seemed to make her the most anxious.

Valen-Zo easily sensed her distress. “What troubles you, Jedi? If you do not wish to move forward, we can wait…” He lowered the towel and began to lay it on the couch.

“Wait!” Her face flamed, but she felt she had to explain to him. “I don’t want to…stop. I just…”

Valen-Zo knelt next to the tub again, and took her hand. He sent a soothing wave of the Force through her, and she closed her eyes in relief, immediately feeling slightly calmer.

She looked up at him and smiled weakly. “I apologize.”

“There is no need for apology, Jedi. You should not be ashamed of your limits.”

“Thank you.” She sighed. “As you know, I have very little experience. When I said I was a virgin, I meant…in every sense. I have never had any relationships or encounters of any sort, prior to…the other day.”

“You are self-conscious because of this?”

“Yes, very. It is one reason why I didn’t…correct the misunderstanding with my…partner. I didn’t want him to think…to realize that I was so…well.” She couldn’t really find the words, as her embarrassment was reasserting itself strongly. Valen-Zo calmed her again, a very slight glow emanating from him as he did so. She greatly appreciated his efforts and his understanding.

“Your inexperience is nothing to be ashamed of, Jedi.” He insisted. “If it is any comfort to you, you are an extremely beautiful woman, and I am honored to be permitted to explore your body and expand your experience.”

It was odd that simple compliments could awaken her lust so strongly, but there it was. “It does…um…comfort me,” she managed, trying to hide the rush of desire that washed through her.

But of course, he was a Force-sensitive; he could feel it easily. He smiled slightly, and retrieved the towel. This time, she stood immediately, her skin dripping and luminous from the bath.

She was immensely gratified, and some of her self-consciousness put at ease, when Valen-Zo waited several seconds before wrapping the towel around her as he drank her in with his eyes. She had never felt very attractive; up until the past few months, her physical appearance hadn’t concerned her overmuch. But now…

Finally his eyes rose to hers as he gently encircled her with the soft fabric. “As I said, a beautiful woman.”

She smiled blindingly at him.

As she took hold of the towel around her and began to dry off, he stepped away, waiting until she was done to hold out his hand and lead her into the other room. She started to leave the towel wrapped around her, but he gave her a sort of raised-eyebrow, and smiled slightly even as she blushed – even though he’d reassured her considerably, it still wasn’t easy to just expose herself. But she did slowly remove the towel, and laid it on the couch next to her robe. She couldn’t help but link her fingers together tightly in front of her as she followed Valen-Zo into the main room; he turned when he got to the platform and held out his hand again.

She took a deep breath and separated her hands, putting her right one into his.

“Very good, Jedi.” He gave her a nod of approval, and her level of excitement went up about three notches. She noticed there were now several candles scattered around the room, as well as the incense bowl within the curtained alcove. Well, if these were all inhibition-lowering substances, she felt rather glad, as she thought she’d need even more help than yesterday getting through this session.

She stepped up to the platform; today there were the usual thick cushions and luxurious fabric, but also a larger, thicker cushion sat in the center of the floor.

Valen-Zo reclaimed her attention by putting his hand on her shoulder. “Would you permit me to disrobe, Jedi?”

Yet again, a rush of arousal – he was wearing a similar garment to the one she’d been using, without the slits in the sides, and it left much to the imagination. Obviously she could see he was tall, and broad-shouldered, but she found herself eager to discover what he looked like underneath it.

She nodded, and he untied the belt at his waist, removed the robe, and let it fall to the floor.

Her eyes widened. He was as muscular as she’d imagined, even more so than Zenith, and also a little taller. His blue skin glimmered in the soft light, but as her eyes roved over him and she saw his manhood, she had an odd reaction. On the one hand, it gave her a thrill of anticipation; he’d already told her she’d be having sex with him, and she was surprised to find herself looking forward to it.

On the other hand, she experienced another jolt of anxiety. His manhood was about the same size as Zenith, she thought – would this hurt as much as it had with him, at the beginning? And what if—

“Do not be nervous, Jedi.” Valen-Zo was careful not to approach her until she consented. “We will not do anything you do not wish to, I promise. And you can stop me at any time.”

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath. She was in a safe place, she had to remember. She regained some of her calm, and nodded to him.

“Now, I need to ask you what you would prefer for this first time.” She was a little confused by this, but was silent, waiting for him to continue. “One position would for me to sit on the cushion you see there, and you would sit in my lap, if you will. We would be very still, and I would use the Force as well as other…methods, to bring you to completion.”

Her desire thrummed hotly at his words – she had no doubt he would be able to achieve his goal with very little effort. She swallowed. “What…is the other option?”

“If you would like something more intimate and personal, so that we can…get to know one another’s bodies better before proceeding, we can use the position I believe is more common with your race, where you lay on your back. This might appeal to you more, as you might feel safer and less exposed.”

She felt ready to melt into a puddle of hormones right then and there. “Yes, I….I think I would prefer the second,” she stammered. She did indeed feel that the first position he’d mentioned might feel a little too impersonal to her; he seemed to think they would get to that later, regardless, so better for her to be comfortable this time.

He nodded and gestured for her to lie down on the cushions, her head resting on the large cushion in the center. She did as he requested, still a little insecure about her nakedness, but trying to ignore it.

He knelt before her, and this time as he spread her legs there was nothing for her to hide behind; her arousal was almost painful it was so strong. He watched her, as usual, as he began touching her between her legs, immediately sliding three fingers into her. She bit her lip but didn’t stop him, and she soon felt his thumb between her soft lips, stroking until she could barely think straight. When she could manage to link a few words together in her head, she wondered – was this all he’d meant to do? Had she not understood what was about to happen? Her thoughts trailed off abruptly as she felt the waves of orgasm approaching; she grabbed handfuls of the fabric on the floor, then her body shook as she came, crying out. As before, Valen-Zo’s murmur of approval as she tightened around his fingers just magnified her pleasure.

Then he withdrew his fingers, moved, and positioned himself between her legs. Immediately she grew a little agitated again; of course she’d known this would happen eventually, had even just wondered how much longer she’d have to wait, but she couldn’t help a slight lump in her throat.

Naturally Valen-Zo could sense her mood, and as he lowered himself over her, he put his hand against her neck, projecting a calming effect into her that allowed her to relax slightly. She put her hand on his wrist and smiled her thanks.

She could barely catch her breath, her anticipation was so strong; her anxiety was still under the surface, but under control. His hardness pressed against her and she drew in a sharp breath.

“Jedi…” he whispered, pushing into her ever so slightly. “I must have your permission…”

“I do want this, Valen-Zo,” she immediately gasped.

“You must be more specific,” he murmured.

She took a few deep breaths; her inexperience made her shy for a moment, but finally she was able to breathe the words.

“I want you inside me.”

He surged into her, his shaft filling her with welcome heat. She gasped, and not from pain, this time.

He withdrew slightly, pressed in again, and again, sliding deeper each time. He seemed careful not to be too affectionate with her – as if ensuring that, although they were having sex, she couldn’t mistake this for a romantic encounter.

As they moved together, though, he did experiment with different places on her body, different actions. At one point he grabbed the soft flesh of her butt, and while she enjoyed it, he could tell it wasn’t something that would send her over the edge with pleasure.  Then he put his lips on her neck, and she grabbed his head, gasping as he bit her skin gently. She had no idea her neck could be such a source of ecstasy. His hand went to her hair, which was now merely damp and lay spread over the pillow. He ran his fingers through it, which she enjoyed, but then…then he pulled on it gently, tilting her head to the side so he could bite her neck more aggressively.

She plummeted over the edge, her body clenching around his, her back arching as pulses of pleasure jolted through her.

He stayed close to her as her breathing slowed, brushing back hair from her face. Suddenly she realized…he was still unsatisfied. Surely, she thought…surely that wasn’t right? Even in her extremely limited experience, that wasn’t what was supposed to happen. Had she done something wrong?

He could sense her confusion.

“What troubles you, Jedi?”

“I just…” she was feeling shy again; it was odd to be in such an intimate position with a man and not be able to say what was on her mind. She took a breath; had to turn her face away a little to get the words out, but she managed it. “I’m sorry I couldn’t…please you. Enough.”

“Ah,” he replied in understanding. “Do not be concerned with that. It is part of my training to ensure I can continue a session as long as needed, it has nothing to do with your skill. I apologize, I should have told you of this before.“

“It seems that would be…quite frustrating for you.”

“There have been times that it was frustrating, yes,” he replied. “But in general my training allows me to distance myself somewhat, and look at the experience as a treatment exercise, rather than an intimate encounter. I merely use my body as a tool for healing.”

Valen-Zo raised on his elbow.

“It must be midday by now; you should eat.”

“I’m not very hungry,” she argued.

“You will need energy this afternoon,” he replied.

“What? Why?”

“You may have noticed we didn’t do any Force exercises,” he explained, a smile in his voice.

Oh, right. The Force. The reason she was here. She’d almost forgotten about it. He was right – she needed to focus on what she came here for. No matter what happened, she needed to fix this. To the greatest extent possible, at least.

She started to stand, then realized her robe was in the changing room…and was suddenly nervous again. When her hormones were fully engaged, it was easier for her natural reticence to be overridden, but now, her face burned. Valen-Zo saw this and grabbed his robe from where he’d laid it on the edge of the platform, placing it around her shoulders. She thanked him with a shy smile and hurried back to the changing room.


	6. A New Perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

After resting for a bit in her chambers, and then being shown to a small garden nook in between the wings of the Enclave for a midday meal, she was told to go back to the main room with the platform. She noticed that the curtains were closed most of the way, but before she could wonder about this, Valen-Zo’s voice called from within.

“Jedi,” he greeted her. “Please remove your robe and join me.”

She wondered if she would ever stop being so self-conscious about being naked. Without the incense, she doubted it. But she did as she was bid, and stepped up onto the platform, taking a step through the curtains.

Valen-Zo was sitting, cross-legged, on the thick cushion in the center. He was naked, and as she had earlier, she drew in a breath as she took in his muscular shoulders and chest, his toned midsection, and…everything else.

He held out his hand to her, and she approached, taking it.

“Are you ready?” he asked. She blushed furiously, but nodded her head.

“I’m ready.”

“Good. Come closer.”

She drew nearer to him, and he put his hand on first one ankle, then the other, gently moving them to either side of him. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly, her excitement obvious.

“Please see what you can do about closing the curtains,” he asked quietly.

She sighed a little but tried to close them, with some success. Once again they were left in dim lantern-light.

His hand slid up the inside of her leg. “Would you like me to prepare you first?” he asked. “You are…very tight, it might be best.”

Her face flamed even further at this, but she shrugged it off. This was what she’d come here for – to learn how to control the Force in more arousing situations than this (although in her experience there really was no such thing, yet). She needed to gather her courage and stop being so bashful.

“Y-yes, thank you,” she stammered. His hand slid further up, and she gasped as she felt three fingers lightly pressing into her. As usual he was looking at her for confirmation.

“Please,” she breathed.

His fingers slid slowly into her; he turned his hand, curving his fingers back towards him, and pushed.

She cried out and one hand went to his head to help her keep her balance, while the other one grasped his wrist. For some reason, she found touching his hand as he buried his fingers inside her made her extremely wet.

Seeing her face, as well as obviously sensing her reaction on another level, with his other hand he took hers, and moved it so her fingers were positioned over her heat.

For a moment she was confused, although her desire was increasing by the second. Then, the fingers of his right hand still pushing within her, he moved her fingers over her heat, sliding them up and down. She gasped.

“I…”

“Keep going, Jedi.”

Biting her lip, she obeyed, lightly stroking the spot that she knew would make her come in just a few moments. He continued pushing on that spot inside her, and her head fell back in a moan. His low rumble of approval brought her several notches closer to an orgasm.

As if she wasn’t close enough, then moved his left hand to cup her rear, pulling her forward until his face was barely an inch from her sex, and said, “Spread yourself apart for me.”

She only kept herself from coming at his words by reminding herself of what he was about to do; if she came, she wouldn’t get to feel his tongue on her again. She did as he asked, using both her hands to open herself to his mouth, which he immediately applied to her clit.

She cried out as he immediately began suckling, pushing his fingers inside her even harder, and she couldn’t hold back; she came, contracting around his fingers, gripping his arm for balance as she trembled.

Her body had barely begun to still as he withdrew his hand, leaned back, and pulled slightly on her arm; her knees could no longer hold her, and she sank down slowly.

He supported and guided her as she lowered into a kneeling position, and then almost before she realized, he was inside her. Just barely, and he held her up to prevent penetrating her further until she looked up at him and breathlessly nodded.

He pulled her down onto him, his hardness sliding into her inch by inch, until she was fully seated on top of him. He put his arms loosely around her lower back, and allowed her a moment before asking her to try with the curtains.

She did, with barely more success than the day before. But she was wondering how he was going to gauge her performance under increasing arousal if they were just going to sit there, still, like this.

Then he…moved.

She gasped. She didn’t know it was possible for a man to control his shaft like that. He’d sort of…flexed it so that it pressed right against that spot—

He did it again, and her hand flew to her mouth, her eyes wide.

She revised her opinion of this position – there was no question that he could make her come like this, and fairly quickly too.

Several times over the next half hour, she was asked to move the curtains as Valen-Zo’s length throbbed within her, and at times it felt more like torture than healing. She couldn’t prevent herself from coming at one point, but although he paused for a moment to allow her to rest, he didn’t stop, and the session went on.

They continued with these exercises for six days. She couldn’t say she didn’t enjoy it at all – there was no romance, but repeated physical satisfaction, sometimes three or four times a day, was an adequate replacement for that, for now at least. And of course, all of it was in service to her ‘healing’, which was actually having some success.


	7. More Healers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

By her 7th day at the Enclave, she could muster enough control over the Force to open or close the curtains just before she came. She definitely wasn’t at full strength, but at least she could exert enough power to make a point, which was more than she could do before. She was also able to prevent herself from reaching orgasm for quite some time.

At this point, Valen-Zo pronounced her ready to move on to the next phase. She was unsure what he meant, but suddenly she was reminded of one of his first comments when she’d arrived – “me, for one,” in reference to who she’d be intimate with during her time here.

She’d grown more self-confident, less shy in the past few days, but now her stomach clenched. She had gotten comfortable with Valen-Zo, and wasn’t sure how she’d react if she had to go through this whole process again with someone else.

Sensing her distress, he reminded her that nothing would be forced on her, and explained the next step to her.

“I will show you some images, vids on a holocom, while maintaining physical contact so I can judge your reaction.”

“My…reaction?”

“The purpose is to gauge what form the next phase of treatment will take. As you can imagine, if a person does not enjoy a certain activity, we will not be very successful in trying to use that activity during a session.”

She pondered that for a moment. Her cheeks turned faintly pink as she pieced together what he meant.

“So…you’re going to show me…activities? And see what makes me…” she cleared her throat. “What makes me…aroused?” Her blush deepened.

“Correct.”

Well. That was unexpected, to say the least. It was rather ironic to her that she was blushing furiously while sitting here on the floor cushions, fully covered in a robe, having performed no…activities with Valen-Zo since last night, while at other times she was fully exposed and in very intimate positions with him and felt no shame.

But then she noticed something he’d said. “We? Does that mean you will still be…involved?” She couldn’t keep the hope out of her voice – even if it was awkward, if he was there she thought she could get through the next phase more easily.

“Of course. I am your Healer, I will not leave unless you request it.”

She sighed with relief.

“Very well, I suppose I am ready.”

He nodded, then left for a moment, returning with a small holocom.

“This has the vids on it which we will use to determine your preferences,” he explained.

Stars, as if this could get any more awkward… Well, might as well get it over with.

He set the holocom down between them, and took her hand in his. Then he pressed a button and a three-dimensional image popped up, complete with sound.

Two women, naked, were embracing, kissing fervently. One was a tall, lithe human, with long legs and thick, flowing dark hair. The other was a shorter Voss woman with well-formed curves. As she watched, the brunette’s hand slid up the other woman’s waist, to her breast, and the Voss let out a gasp against the taller woman’s mouth.

She felt a surge of lust; the women were beautiful, she couldn’t deny it. She’d never been greatly attracted to anyone in reality, but in her head she’d occasionally thought of having encounters with several different races and genders. She was honestly curious to see what her reaction was to the rest of the images, since she wasn’t really sure herself what her strongest preferences were.

Valen-Zo reached forward and pressed the button again.

This time a short, muscular Zabrak male and a taller, almost delicate looking Devaronian man were kissing feverishly, running their hands over one another’s bodies hungrily. This also aroused her, although not quite as much as the previous image. As she watched, the Devaronian reached down and grabbed the Zabrak’s length, and the other man let out a growl. She sucked in a breath as the Zabrak  backed up until his knees hit a bed, then grabbed the Devaronian around the waist, pulling him down on top of him as he laid down. Her face flamed so hotly she thought she’d break a sweat; it appeared watching these things with Valen-Zo had the possibility of feeling just as awkward as she’d feared.

He chuckled very slightly, and changed the image.

This time an older man in Jedi robes (she doubted he was a real Jedi) was roughly taking a pureblood Sith from behind. Her hands were tied behind her, and she was on her knees; Adaia recoiled, at first thinking that she was being raped, but of course she wouldn’t be shown such an image; as the viewing angle turned she could see the ecstasy on the woman’s face as the Jedi, his face hidden in robes but a dark grey beard slightly visible, penetrated her over and over again. Adaia tilted her head for a moment, trying to assess the angle, and when she realized exactly what he was penetrating, she sat back, no longer interested. Valen-Zo immediately switched to the next image.

A Mirialan woman lay naked on a bed or cushioned table of some sort, her arms and legs tied, spread-eagled, to the corners. Immediately Adaia’s desire throbbed; she wasn’t sure why, but she definitely wanted to see where this was going. As she watched, another woman, a tall, slender Voss in some strange leatheris…harness, for lack of a better word, came into the picture, carrying what looked like a whip. Adaia was afraid she was going to use the whip on the bound woman, and she wasn’t really interested in watching that. Valen-Zo, sensing her distaste, reached forward and pressed a different button, and the scene changed only slightly; the leatheris-clad woman was poised between the other woman’s legs, and Adaia realized she was slowly sliding the _handle_ of the whip inside her. Heat thrummed between her legs, and she was shocked – she’d never seen anything like this, but for some reason she liked it every much.

Valen-Zo had been about to press the button again, but he could clearly sense her rush of arousal, and sat back, gauging her reaction.

The bound woman arched her back and moaned as the Voss slid the thick whip deeper inside her; she looked as if she was trying to spread her legs even further. Adaia was breathing heavily, her embarrassment overtaken by lust. Then the Voss leaned forward and flicked out her tongue, sliding it along the Mirialan’s wetness.

The Mirialan wailed with pleasure as the Voss continued to use her lips, tongue, and teeth between the other’s spread thighs. At this point Adaia was so aroused she wanted to reach her hand underneath her robe to relieve the building pressure between her legs, or even better, push Valen-Zo down on the cushions and sink down onto him.

Just as she had this naughtier-than-usual thought, the Mirialan in the vid came – her body shook, her back arched, and she let out a long, keening cry as the other woman continued shoving the whip handle deep inside her.

Adaia’s eyes widened as she felt her own orgasm overtake her; she bit her lip to repress a moan as she shuddered, her hands gripping her robe.

As soon as it was over her hand flew to her mouth, and she looked guiltily at Valen-Zo. But he was merely smiling slightly.

“Do not be ashamed of yourself, Jedi. Part of this exercise is to determine what arouses you, and clearly we have made progress in that regard.”

She stared at him for a moment. Was he…teasing her?

She actually giggled. She felt a little bit giddy – such a thing had never happened to her, not even close, and she was still a little embarrassed, but Valen-Zo did not seem to think ill of her for it, so she supposed she should just file it away for future contemplation.

But she was even more confused by the content that had brought on her spontaneous release – in all her imaginings she’d never really thought a tied up woman and a whip handle would be that stimulating to her.

She took a deep breath. “Is that…is there more?” she managed, still quite pink in the face.

Valen-Zo responded by projecting some Force-calm onto her, where his hand rested atop hers.

“It will be difficult to read your emotions for the next few images if you aren’t a little calmer beforehand,” he explained. She was glad for his influence; she didn’t think she could very effectively calm herself right now, as flustered as she felt.

He pressed the button again. A few images went by that Adaia was not greatly attracted to, and one or two that were actually fairly distasteful. She definitely noticed some patterns in which scenarios she was drawn to.

The next image that fully caught her attention was what appeared to be the same human woman from the very first image, her dark hair tumbling over her shoulders. But instead of the Voss woman, this time she was with a tall, very large Voss man, whose skin was a deep turquoise blue. He was quite a bit bigger than Valen-Zo, who was already fairly tall and broad. His thighs were like tree trunks, thick and muscular along with the rest of him; his upper arm looked almost as big around as the woman’s waist.

His dark hands moved over her creamy skin as he bent to her neck, and her head fell back in a sigh. She seemed rather tall but the Voss towered over her by a head. She ran her hands over his huge shoulders, digging her nails in slightly, and he growled and put his hands around her waist. He lifted her easily, setting her back against a wall, and pushed against her; immediately she parted her legs and wrapped them around him, and her cry made it obvious that he’d entered her.

But her moans were mingled pain and pleasure – although the angle kept her from seeing his size, Adaia could only guess that he was quite large, and it seemed that it was taking some time for him to fully penetrate her.

Every time he withdrew, she clung to him, and though her voice was quiet in the recording, Adaia could hear her whisper, “deeper,” and he would surge into her again.  She bit her lip slightly with every thrust, her brow sometimes lowering in pain.

“It hurts,” she would moan occasionally, and he would pause, but then she’d say again, “deeper.”

Adaia was practically panting; she hoped to stars she wasn’t going to come again out of the blue, and took a few deep breaths to control her reaction.

“Do you want to continue watching?” Valen-Zo asked her unexpectedly.

She probably shouldn’t, surely he had all the information he needed…but….

She nodded briefly, eyes going back to the recording.

The woman was practically begging the Voss, saying “please” as he pushed into her again and again, the pitch and volume of her voice rising, until she could no longer form words and was simply crying out.

She screamed when she came, her nails digging into the hard muscles of the man’s back, her body shuddering as he continued pushing into her until her climax had passed.

Then the holocom turned off.

Adaia took a shaky breath, then glanced at Valen-Zo.

“I…think we have enough to go on,” he answered her unspoken question. She smiled self-consciously, but reminded herself that this was part of his job; if people didn’t get aroused at the images, there would be no point to showing them. So obviously something similar occurred with every patient; she certainly wasn’t unique.

This made her feel a little better.

He stood and extended his hand to her.

“Based on what I have seen, I believe know who you should work with over the next few days. If you feel you are ready, I will introduce you to Malos-Ka and Kira-Ton now. Or we can wait until tomorrow, if you would prefer to rest for the remainder of the day.”

“Those are the…apprentice healers you spoke of?”

“Kira-Ton is, yes. Malos-Ka is not Force-sensitive; he assists with healing but does not perform any Force-healing himself.”

Interesting, she thought. As with the first day she’d been here, she figured she might as well move forward now; if given a day to ruminate on what might come next, she might lose her nerve. She indicated to Valen-Zo that they could continue, and he led her into one of two doors off of the main room that she’d never passed through before; this one was to the left of the curtained alcove.

There were several low chairs grouped together, and a few cabinets around the walls. There was another door across from them, and one to the left.

Valen-Zo left her for a few moments, heading through the door to the left, presumably to collect the others. She wondered for a brief second if they were just standing around, waiting to be summoned to a healing session, but conjecture was useless; she really had no idea how this place operated behind the scenes.

She tried to keep from wringing her hands together out of nervousness; then she spotted a small incense burner on the top of one of the cabinets. Hastily, she lit it, feeling the need for some of the inhibition-dampening substance to seep into her brain in preparation of this next ‘adventure’. Smoke began trickling out of the device almost immediately, and she inhaled the floral scent with relief. Then she stepped back, not wanting to make it obvious that she was so anxious she’d had to light an incense burner herself.

After a few minutes Valen-Zo returned, and Adaia was shocked to see who he’d brought with him.

It was the Voss woman who’d been in the recording with the whip.

Closely followed by the huge Voss in the final image.

Adaia thought she might faint with embarrassment – but why should she be embarrassed, she quickly reminded herself. It wasn’t as if these people knew the reaction she’d had to watching them perform…intimate acts.

But no…of course, they must know what she’d seen, and that she’d been aroused by it, or they wouldn’t be here…oh stars.

Valen-Zo came forward and took her hand, projecting his serene Force-blanket around her, and she quickly calmed.

“I apologize for surprising you, I should have made it more clear who you were going to meet,” he murmured to her.

She took a deep breath and smiled gratefully at him. “It’s alright, I should have put two and two together,” she answered. Then she turned to the other two, and Valen-Zo introduced them.

The large Voss man, it turned out, was Malos-Ka, who was not Force-sensitive, and now Adaia rather understood what his capacity was at the Healer’s Enclave. His voice was as deep as she might have expected as he bowed slightly to her and said he hoped he could assist in her healing. She blushed slightly but resolutely crushed her flare of response at his words.

The woman, Kira-Ton, was in the final stages of training to become a Healer, although Adaia was a little shocked now that she knew what that ‘training’ entailed. She wanted to ask about it but obviously it wouldn’t do to pry into their lives; it was none of her business. She seemed very kind and soothing; rather unlike her ‘persona’ in the recording Adaia had watched. Whatever was going to happen, these people were interested in helping her through her Force issue; none of this was mere entertainment for them. The fact that they took their work so seriously reassured her somehow.

After she had spoken to them for a moment, Valen-Zo asked them to wait while he pulled Adaia aside.

“I need to get your permission for some things before we move on to the next step,” he told her quietly. “First of all, I must ensure you are comfortable with Kira-Ton and Malos-Ka’s participation?”

She took a deep breath, and nodded.

“Very good. As always, at any time you are free to ask any of us to stop, and we will halt immediately. Please do not feel reticent to ask, as your comfort is our first priority.”

She smiled with relief at this – she knew that was the case, but it was reassuring to hear him repeat it. “Understood,” she replied.

“Now, do you wish to proceed with Kira-Ton first, or Malos-Ka? I should inform you that your sessions with them will not reflect exactly what happened in the vids, as those were created for training purposes. While something similar may occur later, your first encounter will be less…complex.”

She thought about the vids she’d seen, and was actually relieved – she didn’t think she’d want to get too…adventurous in her very first session with either of them. She thought it might be better to work with Kira-Ton first, as the woman’s presence was rather soothing, and indicated her decision to Valen-Zo.

Valen-Zo ushered her and Kira-Ton into the main room, and Malos-Ka left for the moment through the other door.

True to his word, Valen-Zo accompanied them to the platform. But when he asked her if she needed him to remain, after a moment she shook her head. She already felt safe with Kira-Ton, and knew she had nothing to fear from the other woman.

“Very well. I will be in the next room if you wish for me to return.” And he left.


	8. Soft and Warm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very NSFW

“May I remove your robe, Jedi?” Kira-Ton asked. Adaia was a little surprised, but assented; at this point in the cycle, it was silly to be bashful about something like that.

Kira-Ton slowly untied the knot at Adaia’s waist, and when the robe was loose, she drew both sides back and over her shoulders, then pushed it to the floor.

Adaia determined she would not try to hide herself, and barely succeeded, as the Voss’ golden eyes roved over her naked form.

“You are truly a lovely human, Jedi.”

Again Adaia was stunned by this comment, but mumbled her thanks, her cheeks turning pinker.

Kira-Ton smiled. “I see you are not used to accepting compliments, but perhaps if we tell you enough, you will believe it?” Adaia bit her lip.

Then Kira-ton took off her own robe, letting the silvery fabric slip to the floor.

Adaia was fascinated with her body; they were of about the same height, but Kira-Ton was more slender, her curves less pronounced. Her deep red skin gleamed in the low light, luminous. Adaia reached out a hand but swiftly drew it back. She knew that these encounters were not supposed to turn into anything affectionate or romantic, and she didn’t want to make a misstep.

“It is alright, Jedi. You may do whatever you wish – this session is meant for you to become comfortable with me. If you wish to touch me, anywhere, please feel free.”

Heat rushed through her; she definitely wished to touch. Tentatively reaching her hand out again, she lightly ran her fingers over the other’s taut belly, relishing the feeling of her soft, supple skin. She slid her right hand around the other’s waist, then put her left hand on her hip, which was more visible on the other woman’s slim frame. She closed her eyes for a moment, surprised at how much lust arose in her as she touched the other woman. She’d known she could be attracted to women, but never having touched one…

Boldly, she let her left hand drift upward to cup Kira-ton’s breast. It fit perfectly in her palm, warm and soft, the nipple a darker red, and hard under her fingers. She relished Kira-ton’s restrained gasp as she brushed her hand over her nipple. She was also gratified to see that the other woman’s breath was coming faster, her chest rising and falling at a pace that belied her calm exterior.

Somehow sensing that Adaia had noticed her excited state, she apologized. “I am sorry for my lack of control, Jedi; it seems I am not quite as ready as I thought to become a Healer…”

Immediately Adaia withdrew her hands. “It is I who am sorry – I…enjoy it little too much, and I should not encourage it. I don’t know why, but others’ reactions are very…arousing to me.”

Kira-Ton took Adaia’s hands in her own, and placed them back on her body. “As I said before Jedi, you should do what you enjoy. If you…if you wish for me to react naturally, without hiding or controlling my desires, I will oblige you.”

Adaia felt a hot throb between her legs; yes, this was exactly what she wanted. Rather than have a one-sided encounter in which someone else did things to her that made her come over and over again, while they remained cool and restrained, she wanted her and Kira-Ton to touch each other until they were both panting, and she wanted both of them to come, loudly.

Adaia closed her eyes; where had such explicit thoughts come from? Even in her fantasies of women, she hadn’t really thought of details, only of kissing, and nakedness, and that had been enough. But after seeing the vid of the bound Mirialan woman…she was forcefully reminded of how inexperienced she was. As well as how much she wanted to rectify that situation.

“Thank you, Kira-Ton. I know that is not normally how you practice, and I appreciate you bending the rules to accommodate my wishes.”

“You are welcome, Jedi. Now,” she added, stepping closer so that their breasts were touching, “Will you allow me to touch you as well?”

“Of course,” Adaia answered, almost too emphatically, she felt.

Immediately Kira-Ton’s arms went around her, and she was pulled tight against the other’s body.

It was…glorious. All their smooth parts pressing against one another, soft hands on soft flesh, hips pushing against hips. The Voss ran her hands up and down Adaia’s back, as she put her lips to her neck.

Adaia whimpered when she bit the sensitive skin underneath her ear.

Slowly Kira-Ton drew them both down to the cushions.

Both of their knees in between the other’s, they knelt on the soft floor of the platform, hands lightly touching, until Kira-Ton leaned forward and put her mouth on Adaia’s breast.

Her head fell back as a sigh escaped her; her lips were so soft and warm – then she lightly applied her teeth, and Adaia gasped, her hands going to the other woman’s head. Kira-ton started to push her back on the cushions, but Adaia forestalled her.

“Wait, Kira-Ton.” She wanted to make sure this didn’t turn into another situation where Kira-Ton was merely sating her.

“Is there some way I can also pleasure you? Or…” She really didn’t know enough about these types of situations, to even ask a proper question.

Kira-Ton leaned back. “I…have never had a patient ask me to do this. I’m sorry, it just surprises me, but…yes there are ways. I doubt you would feel…comfortable using your mouth on another woman, at this point?”

Adaia flushed scarlet. Of course, that was something Kira-Ton would likely do to her (she could hardly wait), but she wasn’t sure if she could bring herself to do that, herself. She gave a small shake of her head.

“Of course.” She did not seem disappointed, thankfully, but looked to be pondering the question for a moment. “If you wish, you could use…tools…on me. The ones that I would normally use on patients.”

Adaia raised her eyebrows, unsure what type of tools she might be referring to.

“There are different types of wands, and devices, that you could put inside me. And then as I use my tongue to pleasure you, I would be feeling pleasure as well.”

Adaia could not restrain an audible gasp as she closed her eyes – the flood of arousal she felt just listening to Kira-Ton _tell_ her about this idea was almost more than she could take. She nodded, and the other woman arose and walked to one of the cabinets, opening the doors, then a drawer in the bottom. She withdrew something and then walked back to the platform. Adaia watched her the whole time, enjoying the view of her supple naked body.

Adaia’s mouth fell open for a moment when she saw what the other woman had brought back with her. Not knowing anything about “toys” or “tools”, she’d no idea what to expect, except perhaps something vaguely the shape of a man’s shaft, since that seemed most likely to fit in the appropriate place.

Kira-Ton held a beautiful object of blown glass, a pale blue with crystalline patterns running through the inside of it, patterns that transferred to the surface of the glass as ridges that circled around it. The larger part of the device was indeed long and cylindrical, as Adaia might have expected, with a slight curve to it. But the bottom curved  back upward, and around to another protruding piece that was shaped like four small tapered spheres, end to end.

Adaia hoped that Kira-ton planned to direct her on its usage – and when she thought about it, she wanted this not only because she was confused, but because the idea of the other woman instructing her on what to do sent shivers down her spine.

“Will you…will you tell me how to use it?” Adaia asked tentatively as Kira-ton handed it to her.

“Of course, I am aware you have not used anything like this in the past.” Adaia shook her head.

Before they could go any further, Adaia had to indulge her curiosity.

She wanted to know what Kira-ton’s skin tasted like.

Slipping her arm around the other woman’s back, she unexpectedly leaned forward, settling her lips over the dark red skin of the other’s breast. Kira-ton gasped, her hands immediately went to her shoulders, and when Adaia looked up to gauge her reaction, her mouth still firmly covering the other’s nipple, she was gratified to see Kira-ton’s head leaning back, her lip caught between her teeth as if to stifle a moan.

Smiling against her, Adaia looked back down and concentrated on licking the other’s nipple, as Valen-Zo and Kira-Ton had done to her. The Voss tasted like…warmth, and honey. She suckled for a moment longer, then leaned back, hoping she hadn’t overstepped what she was allowed to do.

Kira-Ton’s eyes were closed, and she continued biting her lip for a moment. Then she opened her eyes and smiled breathlessly. “That was…” she paused for a moment. “Unexpected. And welcome.”

Adaia smiled and picked up the glass object, indicating that she was ready to move forward. If the rush of lust she’d felt just from that exploration was any indication, she could look forward to being intensely aroused as soon as she began pleasuring the Voss.

Kira-ton laid back on the cushions, and spread her legs.

Adaia’s breathing immediately quickened; she hadn’t thought she’d be interested in touching the other woman intimately, but now that she lay there before her, her sex exposed…

Kira-ton opened her mouth to tell her something, but Adaia stopped her.

“May I touch you? As you know, I’ve never touched a woman before…”

Kira-ton closed her eyes again for a moment and took a deep breath. Adaia watched her breasts rise and fall, her excitement increasing. “Yes Jedi, please…touch me.”

Adaia tentatively reached out a hand and placed it on Kira-ton’s inner thigh, slipping her fingers over the smooth ruby skin. She was nervous, but her curiosity and desire overcame that as she gently slid her fingers between Kira-ton’s wetness. She bit her lip as Kira-ton gasped; she assumed it would be similar to what she felt like herself, and it was, but…different.

Kira-ton’s sex was warm, wet, and silky; she slipped her fingers over her clit and was rewarded with a sharp intake of breath. Unable to restrain herself, she let her fingers wander further down, and then slowly, hesitantly, slid two fingers into her, her eyes going back and forth from watching her fingers disappear inside, to Kira-ton’s face to judge her reaction.

Kira-ton, too, was watching Adaia’s fingers, her breath coming in quick gasps. She pressed her lips together as Adaia’s fingers pushed deeper.

Adaia closed her eyes as she reveled in the warm, velvety heat between Kira-ton’s legs. Even the smell of her was intoxicating, somehow. When she couldn’t penetrate any further she withdrew her fingers, then pushed them back in, hard, a few times, and Kira-ton whimpered.

Her curiosity sated, for the moment, she slowly pulled her fingers out, and picked up the glass device again.

“Teach me what to do with this, please?” she asked.

Kira-ton took a moment to gather her thoughts, and Adaia saw her, for a brief moment, glow with the Force as she calmed herself. Adaia felt a fleeting pang of envy that the other woman could so easily call on it when it was needed, but repressed it; that’s what she was here to work on. For now, she should concentrate on enjoying herself; Valen-Zo had told her that this first session with each of the others was for becoming comfortable, not practicing her Force techniques.

Kira-ton guided the hand that held the device, pulling it between her legs. She turned it so the long shaft end was on top, pointing toward her.

Then she positioned it so it was just touching her heat.

“Push it into me,” she instructed breathlessly.

Adaia’s lust throbbed in response, and she obliged.

Kira-ton spread herself open as Adaia slid the glass into her, gasping as it pushed further, deeper.

Adaia was growing wetter by the second as she watched the semi-transparent glass disappear inside Kira-ton.

But after she’d pushed it in a few inches, the curved bottom section prevented it from going any further.

Watching Adaia, perhaps gauging for distaste or aversion, Kira-ton reached down and maneuvered the smaller curved part so that it slipped between the curves of her ass, and penetrated her, ever so slightly.

 “Please, keep going,” Kira-ton requested, her voice growing a little plaintive.

Adaia’s eyes grew wide. She didn’t think she would enjoy that, but if the other woman did, she was happy to oblige her.

She pushed. As she watched, the first sphere of the device disappeared inside, along with another inch of the larger portion that slipped into her, and Kira-ton closed her eyes, breathing roughly.

She pressed it in further. Another sphere, another inch. Kira-ton was biting her lip now, her legs spreading even further to facilitate what Adaia was doing.

“Kira-ton…”

“Mmmm…”

“May I push it all the way in?” Adaia didn’t to hurt her, but she badly wanted to thrust the device fully into her, watching it penetrate her in two ways at once, and see her body’s response as it was shoved inside her.

“Please…yes…” the other woman finally managed.

Adaia further parted Kira-ton’s soft ruby flesh.

Then she drove the device fully in, and watched both ends of the glass disappear inside her, the bottom portion pressing flush against the space between her ass and her sex. Kira-ton let out a high moan as it penetrated her, her hips arching, her hand going urgently to Adaia’s wrist.

Just like she had when watching the holovid…Adaia came. She couldn’t help herself; she was shocked as pleasure spun through her body, and she let out a small whimper.

Kira-ton’s eyes flew open.

“I…I’m so sorry, I—“ Adaia began, breathless and embarrassed.

“Jedi, please do not apologize, that is….it is _extremely_ arousing.”

“…Really?” Adaia was surprised.

“To be part of your discovery of your desires, to watch as you find something so pleasurable to look at that you come without physical stimulation, better yet to have you come because you are doing something to _me_ …” Kira-ton bit her lip again, which seemed to be a habit with her. Adaia found it rather attractive.

“Trust me, there is no need to apologize,” she finally finished.

Then she sat up.

Adaia was confused. “Don’t I need to…do…more?”

“Now it is your turn. As I said before, now I will have pleasure, even as I pleasure you.”

Carefully, Kira-ton got to her knees, and pushed Adaia back on the pillows as she did so. She spread the paler woman’s legs, positioning herself between them.

She folded her knees so her feet were underneath her, and gently lowered herself, gasping as she settled fully down. Adaia realized she was sitting in such a way as to put pressure on the device which was still within her, and her wetness increased yet again.

Then Kira-ton positioned her slender fingers between Adaia’s spread thighs, and looked at her for confirmation. Adaia nodded emphatically, wanting nothing more than to have the other woman touch her.

Fingers stroked her heat, eliciting a sigh. Then slid inside her, three fingers all at once, but the Voss’s fingers were so slender that they fit easily, not like when Valen-Zo had put three fingers into her.

Before she had enjoyed Kira-ton’s smooth, warm fingers pushing within her for more than a minute, her dark head lowered, and she asked, her breath tickling Adaia’s slick lips, “Jedi…I would like to put my tongue inside you.”

“Please!” Adaia cried out, and Kira-ton replaced her fingers with her tongue as promised, slipping it into her, its softness penetrating, licking the walls of her opening, extending to press in, then out, then in again. Adaia whimpered loudly as Kira-ton’s fingers went to her clit, gently stroking it until Adaia was nearly driven out of her mind with need.

Then her tongue withdrew, and again her fingers slid in, and Kira-ton’s tongue went to her clit instead.

Adaia, as desire-clouded as her mind was, noticed that as Kira-ton was pressing her fingers into her rhythmically, she was also moving her whole body, and she realized that she was applying pressure to the glass device as she rocked back and forth.

For some reason, this sent her over the edge. She grabbed the soft fabric of the cushions, and couldn’t restrain her cry as she came, her muscles contracting over Kira-ton’s pressing fingers, wetness flowing, body convulsing with ecstasy. Kira-ton gave a low sort of hum against her sex, and Adaia realized the Voss was coming as well. The vibration against her heat and the other woman’s pleasure immediately renewed Adaia’s orgasm, sending ripples flying through her body yet again, and her hips jerked as Kira-ton continued moaning against her clit while she climaxed.

***

Twenty minutes later, Adaia shakily donned her robe again, and helped Kira-ton with her silver one, her hands shaking as she pulled the sides together. Somehow she sensed that Kira-ton, too, felt a little shaken. Obviously this wasn’t her first encounter, nor her first encounter with a woman, nor even her first use of the glass device. But something about the situation had been new for her. Adaia hoped her flustered state was not due to displeasure at something she had done, but she didn’t see how it could be.

She was relieved when Kira-ton smiled warmly at her as she left the room, instructing the Jedi to go back to her quarters for her evening meal.


	9. Confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild NSFW (mention)

As Adaia  sat in her chambers later, her dinner untouched, she felt a little conflicted. She had experienced much pleasure over the past week or so, but most of it had been in service of improving her Force weakness. The only time she had not been asked to practice Force exercises during sex was the first time she’d been with Valen-Zo, and that was…rather tame, compared to this, if she was honest. Not tame in a bad way; on the contrary, she’d greatly enjoyed herself.

But what had just happened with Kira-ton was a wilder encounter than anything she’d ever done, of course, or even thought of. Using the object on the other woman, and then having Kira-ton come while she pleasured her, was far beyond her realm of experience or imagination.

But stars, had she enjoyed it.

And now she felt guilty. The other times that she had been intimate with Valen-Zo, she had felt more secure in the knowledge that her activities were serving a purpose.

What had just passed was just…pure lust. Carnal. Pleasure, and nothing more.

She tried to analyze what she was feeling. Why should she feel guilty over pleasure?

Zenith, her brain whispered.

But…they weren’t a couple! They’d only slept together….

Her mind could tell her that, but deep down she knew the truth. She had feelings for him, regardless of what he thought of her. And engaging in sexual encounters that consisted solely of lust betrayed those feelings.

Especially when she hadn’t really thought of him the entire time she was doing it.

She wasn’t sure she _should_ feel ashamed, but the fact remained that she did.

She wondered what her first encounter with Malos-Ka would be like. She was fairly anxious, given his size. Besides that, somehow in her head it seemed even worse to just…have sex, with another man, for no apparently purpose other than to sate her curiosity. She knew that there was a purpose to it, but it didn’t make her feel better about it. She almost felt better about her explorations with Kira-ton, given that that was something she could never experience with Zenith.

She shook her head as if to rid it of a fog; she was too new to all this to properly analyze her reactions, and the import of the situation. She considered speaking to Valen-Zo about it, but got stuck trying to figure out how to broach the subject. She felt stupid telling him she didn’t want to ‘cheat’ on the man who’d taken her virginity, when they weren’t even an item, not really.

Maybe she should send Zenith a message. She’d sent a brief note to Nadia a few days ago, letting her know that she would be on Voss for at least another week, but obviously giving no details. She’d asked about the crew in general, not wanting to be specific in case Nadia suspected something. But her Padawan had only given a perfunctory response, nothing that could tell her if Zenith was acting…odd. What had she expected?

Once the idea had occurred to her, she found it impossible to rest. She kept trying to convince herself it was a bad idea, she should just speak to him when she got back. But to go all this time, after what had happened, without speaking to him…it was making her too anxious.

Finally she gave in, but then spent 30 minutes staring at her datapad to only come up with two sentences.

_“Zenith, hope things are…ok. Look forward to speaking with you when I get back in a few days or so.”_

_That sounded idiotic_ , she thought with chagrin as she read it over for the 90th time. But it was better than the other hundred attempts she’d deleted. At least this way, if he didn’t respond or replied with something…less than what she hoped, it was vague enough that she should be able to make some excuse about what it really meant. Screwing up her courage, she pressed the button and sent the message.

Immediately she put her hands over her face to cool her hot skin. She was already embarrassed, and he hadn’t even seen it yet. She decided to do some Force exercises before trying to sleep; at least right now she should be able to properly meditate.

She felt much better after an hour of meditation, and crawled into the small bed, resolutely refusing to think about Zenith or Malos-Ka or Kira-Ton or any of them. She needed to sleep.

But just as she reached out a hand to turn off the lamp beside the bed, she noticed her datapad was blinking.

She couldn’t help herself, she shot out of the bed and grabbed it off the table, eagerly checking her messages.

It was from him! _But stars_ , she thought…what if he said something awful? Or just, nonchalant? Or what if he didn’t even seem to acknowledge what had happened between them? So many ways this could go wrong, and keep her up all night with negative emotions. Maybe she shouldn’t even look at it.

Of course she would look at it.

_“Jedi…Adaia. Come back to me.”_

Adaia almost squealed and literally hugged the datapad to her chest, her heart soaring. Then she rolled her eyes at her own ridiculousness and forced herself to calm down. She didn’t even know what that meant. He hadn’t really _said_ anything.

But he’d used her name, she thought. And while it was possible she was overthinking it, she didn’t really see how “come back to me” could be anything less than personal, intimate almost.

Should she write back? No, best not to overdo it. She’d already taken a risk by sending him anything at all. This was enough, for now. But she couldn’t wipe the idiotic smile off her face as she turned out the light.


	10. Getting Acquainted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No NSFW

The next morning when Valen-Zo came to get her, she felt she had to talk to him about her concerns.

“This may sound foolish, but I’m not sure I’m comfortable with…having sex with Malos-Ka, just to….just to do it.” Her face reddened but she ignored it.

“You mean, the first encounter, without Force-exercises? Similar to what you did with Kira-Ton yesterday?”

Valen-Zo’s tone wasn’t judgmental at all, he genuinely seemed to want to understand her issue.

“Yes…and no. What happened with Kira-Ton…” she blushed harder this time, and had to look down. “I…suppose your associates give you details of what happens, considering you’re my main healer?” she asked, directing her words at her lap.

“Indeed.”

She cleared her throat. She really didn’t want to explain to him the specifics of the difference between her encounter with Kira-Ton and a possible interlude with Malos-Ka.

“Jedi, you need not give me reasons,” he stated, and she was a little embarrassed at how transparent she was. Granted, he was very skilled at reading others’ emotions, but still. She should have better control over herself. “If you are uncomfortable, you have merely to say the word, and we will adjust the plan as needed.”

She smiled at him gratefully. He really was everything a Healer should be – dedicated, non-judgmental, comforting, but not too personal. 

“So, while I do not wish to have a personal encounter with Malos-Ka alone, is it possible for me to just…speak with him, maybe? Or…something other than…than…”

“You wish to have conversation with him in order to become more comfortable, rather than engage in any sexual activities?”

“Yes, if that is permitted.”

“I’m sure that can be arranged. I don’t know how much conversation you’ll get out of him,” Valen-Zo chuckled as he said this, “he can be rather stoic. But I’m sure he will be happy to oblige you.”

Adaia hoped she was not creating an even more awkward situation in requesting this, but she wouldn’t know until she sat down with the big Voss. Either way, given the message she’d gotten from Zenith, she felt better about trying, at least, to handle things in this way, instead of the other.

 

Half an hour later, she and Malos-Ka were seated in the garden nook, eating breakfast. He seemed rather ill at ease, and consumed nothing but caf and juice. Adaia was almost tickled that someone so likely to seem intimidating, could actually feel intimidated himself, by someone like her.

This was where she excelled – putting people at ease, gauging their moods based merely on their body language and facial cues.

Within twenty minutes, she’d drawn Malos-Ka out enough that he was telling her about his family, how he’d come to work at the Enclave, and his feelings about his job. She even learned that he desperately wished to see other worlds; one of the reasons he enjoyed working here was that they treated a lot of other species, and although he rarely got to speak much with them, it still did something to sate his curiosity about other races.

“I suppose you know plenty about Jedi, though; I must seem quite boring,” she joked.

“On the contrary, you are fascinating,” he emphatically replied.

Her eyes grew wide. “What in the galaxy makes you say that?” she couldn’t help but ask.

Impulsively he reached out and touched her pale red braid where it lay over her shoulder, picking it up and rubbing the silken strands between his fingers. “Your coloring, for one – your skin, your hair, your eyes are the most wondrous I  have ever come across, in any species.”

Adaia could not have been more shocked. He noticed this and quickly pulled his hand back.

“I apologize, I have overstepped—“

Adaia quickly grabbed his hand. “That’s a truly lovely thing to say,” she interrupted him, “and I appreciate it. I’m sure you have seen quite a few beautiful people here, and I’m honored that you would count me as one of them.”

He smiled slightly at her words, and looked as if he was about to say something else, but thought better of it. A moment passed before he spoke again.

“If you do not mind me asking, Jedi, are you human? I assumed you were, but your coloring is so unique, I wondered…”

“I am only half human,” she answered. “My father was Echani.”

“Echani! I have read of them, but never met one, partial or otherwise. Were you raised as Echani, or human?”

She sighed. “Neither, to be honest; I was raised as a Jedi. I was found by the Order when I was about four years old, and never really knew my parents or any other life before Tython.” This hadn’t bothered her much in the past, but lately she felt that she’d missed out on some things as a result of her upbringing. For one thing, she was completely cut off from her Echani heritage. If she’d been raised in that manner, even if she did become a Jedi later, it likely would have been in a much more combat-oriented capacity.

“I am sorry if my question was insensitive, Jedi. I should have remembered that Jedi are often taken to the Academy as young children.”

“That is alright, do not concern yourself. It is not really a sore subject – it is merely a fact,” she replied, brushing off her own thought that this was actually a lie. No need to think about it now.

She spent another half an hour telling him of what it was like to grow up as a Jedi; he did have some knowledge of them, of course, but he wanted to know details of her training, hear stories about the Academy. She obliged him, charmed by his avid interest.

Eventually Valen-Zo came to check on them, and found them laughing over one of Adaia’s tales of Tython (something about a Naked Jedi who’d fallen in a pond). He seemed surprised, but pleased at this outcome. Adaia was afraid that Malos-Ka would close up when Valen-Zo arrived, given that the man was essentially his superior, but they seemed to have a friendly relationship, and although Malos-Ka looked a little sheepish at the amount of time he’d spent with Adaia, his attitude did not change.

Malos-Ka took his leave, and Valen-Zo escorted her back to the changing room, so she could have a bath, which she confessed she’d been longing to repeat since she’d had one a week ago. Showers were all well and good, but luxuriating in a tub of hot water was not something she got to indulge in often, and she wanted to do it at least once more while she was here.

Before he left her to her bath, Valen-Zo stopped in the doorway of the room. “Since you have now had some experience, one way or another, with both Malos-Ka and Kira-Ton, may I conclude you are agreeable to proceeding with either or both of them?”

She bit her lip; she’d had such a normal morning, she’d almost forgotten that she’d eventually have to get back to the…other aspect of her visit. She hoped she would not feel too much reticence going forward, due to her feelings about Zenith. She wasn’t sure why this guilt had just come to hit her now; maybe even though she’d felt great pleasure with Valen-Zo, she didn’t feel…drawn to him, exactly? But did she feel that way about the others? She wasn’t sure. Perhaps it was the fact that Valen-Zo was so clearly a Healer, while the other two were…less so?

She determined to save these ruminations for later; Valen-Zo was waiting for her answer.

She nodded. “Yes, I assume you wish to do so this afternoon?” She was proud that no breathlessness was audible in her voice.

“Just so. I will return for you later.”

Adaia mulled things over in the bath for quite some time, but was unable to reach a satisfactory conclusion. Although she was greatly enjoying the serene heat of the bath, she found herself eager to get back to her room and look at her datapad – she didn’t expect another message from Zenith, but she just wanted to read his previous one again.

Which was stupid; nothing would have changed about it. Besides, it was burned into her brain. _And that was also stupid_ , she remonstrated with herself. She really needed to get a hold of herself, she thought, sinking further into the water.


	11. Malos-Ka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> VERY (!) NSFW

When Valen-Zo arrived at her chamber a short time later, he said he needed to get her permission for the next phase, which she expected, but his next words made her a little nervous.

“Your first inclination to what I’m about to ask may be to refuse it outright, but I urge you to consider for a moment before you reply.”

Well, that certainly made her curious, and also increased her trepidation slightly. But she agreed to hear him out.

“Given your reactions to the recordings yesterday, and now that you are a little more comfortable with Kira-Ton and Malos-Ka, I would like permission to bind you.”

She sucked in a breath. But she did as he asked, and thought about it.

Naturally, the first thing her mind went to was the recording she’d seen earlier with Kira-Ton. It was certainly true that that situation had made her extremely aroused. Indeed, thinking about it now made her flush, and not with embarrassment. But it was a stretch to go from watching something like that, to experiencing it.

It was true, she did feel safe around them, and she didn’t for a moment think anything bad would happen to her.

“The bindings would not be very tight,” he added, “and I am confident that with the progress you’ve made, you could actually untie them with little effort.”

She considered this for a moment. She did feel that she had a little bit better control now, plus she was confident that the instant she expressed concern or discomfort, Valen-Zo would halt what they were doing.

She swallowed. “Very well,” she answered.

Valen-Zo took her hand, and watched her face carefully as he continued.

“Would you prefer that I take you into the room, disrobe you, and tie you up?” He paused for a moment as he watched desire flash through her eyes in response. “Or would you prefer me to put you in a brief Force-slumber, and you would then awaken already bound?”

Her lust surged hotly at this question, but even so, she couldn’t just agree to that. As exciting as the idea was, to wake up and be…exposed, and tied like that…did she feel safe enough to allow it?

She thought again of Zenith. She wanted to get to a point where she would allow something like that with him; she wanted them to regain each other’s trust, which she knew would be shattered once she told him the truth about this trip and what had caused it. She didn’t want to experience _everything_ with these Healers, who were kind and helpful but who she had no _feelings_ for.

She shook her head. “I would prefer to be awake,” she replied; Valen-Zo merely nodded.

He took her into the other room, and she was shocked to see almost the same platform that had been in the recording.

Of course, she should have known that most of those encounters had taken place here in the Enclave. It only made sense. This one was slightly different, being shorter, and with some mechanism at the corners that she didn’t really have time to analyze.

A horrible thought occurred to her, and her eyes flew to Valen-Zo. “You don’t…record these sessions, do you?” she asked breathlessly.

“No, absolutely not. While the encounters you saw in the holovids were indeed recorded here, those were willing participants who readily agreed to be filmed for our training and healing purposes. Exhibitionists, if you will,” he added, smiling.

She sighed her relief…but she couldn’t help but wonder for a brief moment what Zenith would think if he saw some of the things she’d done. Best not to think about it now.

She trembled a little as Valen-Zo untied her robe and slid it from her shoulders, then gently turned her around and backed her up until she hit the table. The top of it was at waist height for her; he easily lifted her up and set her onto the cushioned top of it. She realized that when she lay down, the edge would be just under her hips. She didn’t quite understand this, but her excitement at what was about to happen overrode her reticence, and she did as he asked and laid back on the platform.

He circled around to the corner of the table, and gently took her hand, wrapping a silken cord around her wrist, then tied it off, loosely, to a metal loop on the corner of the table. He repeated the process with the other hand.

Her chest was rising and falling rapidly; she was already experiencing greatly heightened arousal just from having her arms restrained.

Then he moved back towards the front of the table, and pushed a lever at one corner. The mechanism she’d seen earlier swung out. Her eyes widened.

He gently spread her legs apart, pulling her left ankle wide, her knee bent. Her calf rested in a curved cushion of leatheris, with a sort of stirrup at the bottom. He secured her ankle with another silken cord.

Her heart pounded.

He pulled her left ankle to the other corner and did the same.

She lay there, panting, completely unprepared for the rush of arousal she felt. She supposed Valen-Zo knew exactly what he was doing when he suggested this.

Seeing her heightened state, he leaned in and whispered to her. “If you like, I can cheat a little, this first time, so it’s easier for you to control yourself with the others?”

She nodded, not wanting to embarrass herself by having an orgasm as soon as either of them walked into the room.

Valen-Zo put his left hand on her abdomen, and watched her as his other hand went between her spread legs.

He slid in one finger, and she bit her lip to keep from gasping loudly.

Two fingers. She arched her back slightly, rushes of lust resulting from the pull of the cords that restrained her.

Three fingers, and he pressed down on her abdomen slightly, putting more pressure against her. Just like that, she came, trying her best to stifle a cry as her body jerked, her climax rolling through her wave after wave.

When it was over she relaxed, but her arousal barely diminished as she continued noticing every tug of the cords around her limbs.

Valen-Zo left briefly, and when he returned, asked her if she was ready for Malos-Ka.

She bit her lip, remembering the holovid. Her anticipation drowned out her anxiety, but a small part of it lingered. But she still nodded her head in assent.

“Do you want me to stay?” he asked, his hand on her wrist softly projecting calm.

She thought about it for a moment, but shook her head. “Thank you, I’ll be fine.”

“I will be right outside if you need me,” he answered, and left the room, for good this time.

Malos-Ka entered the room. Her heart was pounding like a frightened animal’s, but less with fear, and more with expectation.

“Jedi,” he murmured, his deep voice a rumble in his chest. “Are you sure about this?” He didn’t sound doubtful, just questioning – she knew that he, like Valen-Zo, was trained to confirm her consent often. She gave it.

He began to take his robes off. Stars, he was huge…and she couldn’t even see all of him yet. His broad shoulders, barrel of a chest, and – _now_ she saw him. She gasped. It didn’t look impossible, but…this was definitely going to hurt.

Another thrum of excitement coursed through her – it _was_ going to hurt, and she was tied up. She had never felt so wet in her life. But she didn’t know how much that was going to help.

“I will not hurt you,” he promised as he came to stand between her legs. “Unless you ask me to.”

She sucked in a breath, sure she had just gotten even wetter.

Malos-Ka ran his huge hands over her legs, then up and around to grasp her hips. She thought his hands could probably touch around her waist. She was distracted from this thought as he pulled her body closer to the edge of the table; now she understood why it was built this way. When he had her positioned as he wished, his hands slowly slid up her body, over her ribcage, then her breasts. He easily covered them with his palm, then slid his hands to the side and traced his thumbs over both her taut nipples, and she gasped.

Then he moved them back down to rest at the tops of her thighs, his thumbs just touching the edge of her heat. She had to work hard to restrain herself from lifting her hips to encourage him to touch her.

He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, she forestalled him. “You don’t have to ask me, Malos-Ka. I’ll tell you if I want you to stop.” She closed her eyes, feeling her face burn, surprised she’d actually said the words out loud. But somehow she felt it would make her bonds even sweeter, if he entered her without asking, and she hoped he would play along.

He smiled slightly. “As you wish, Adaia.”

Then he did touch her, and she gasped as she felt his thumbs on her, his big hands still resting over her hip bones. He slowly, gently spread her open, and she watched as he pressed the tip of his hardness into her.

He slid it in only an inch, which was enough to give her an indication of how much her body would have to stretch to take him in. Then he slid out, then back in again, a little further.

This went on for what felt like hours. Just like the woman she’d seen with him, there were times she thought she couldn’t take it, and she’d ask him to wait for a moment. But then the desire to have him push in deeper overrode her pain, and she would tell him to continue.

Eventually he reached the spot where he could make her come easily, just by pressing at a certain angle. She cried out, and he correctly interpreted the sound as pleasure. But when she felt herself getting close, she told him to stop.

“Do you wish me to withdraw, Jedi?” He might not be as far gone as she was, but he was at least aroused enough to be out of breath, and this pleased her.

“No…no,” she panted, every deep breath causing extra pressure between her legs.

“I…I want…” she bit her lip and closed her eyes.

“If you wish me to do something, Jedi, you have but to ask,” he assured her.

She took a deep breath. “I want all of you. Inside me.”

He drew in a sharp breath. “Adaia, that may be very painful for you, and as you can tell this is as far as I must go to reach your—“

“Malos-Ka.” She looked at him now, staring into the deep orange of his eyes. “Please. Deeper.” As she said it she lifted her hips as much as she could, and even though he was holding himself back, he slid into her another half an inch, and she gasped.

He gave a low groan, and as it had been with Valen-Zo and Kira-Ton, her lust throbbed knowing that he, too, was feeling pleasure.

Then he grabbed her hips and pushed further into her. She cried out, and he stopped for a moment. But when she brought her eyes back to his, he knew she wanted him to continue.

Again he thrust into her, and again she cried out; this time with real pain. But the feeling of his huge manhood filling her, as she lay there, legs spread, tied helplessly to the table, was every fantasy she could have imagined, fulfilled.

She looked down, and saw that he still had at least an inch to go before he was fully sheathed within her. She closed her eyes, and he pushed again.

“Deeper…” she almost sobbed.

His hips were touching her spread thighs now; she could feel every inch of him throbbing within her, and she could feel that he was restraining himself. She looked into his face again, and this time he gave a little sigh and closed his own eyes. He moved his hands up to her waist, gripped her hard.

And buried his huge shaft within her, deeper than she could have thought possible, his pelvis pressed up against hers, and she couldn’t restrain a wail – stars, it was painful.

But it was worth it.

She moved against him, and he gave a small gasp.

“Please…” she whimpered. “Don’t….”

“Yes, Jedi?”

“Don’t …. Stop.”

This time his growl wasn’t quiet, as he withdrew slightly and thrust into her again. It still hurt, but his arousal augmented hers, and she desperately wanted him to keep going.

He didn’t disappoint her.

His thick muscles moved and tensed as he pushed into her, repeatedly; the pain didn’t grow less, but her climax approached, and she was able to forget the pain for the moment.

She was almost there when it occurred to her what a holorecording of this session might look like – her naked body spread-eagled, bound, unable to move, and Malos-Ka thrusting his huge length deep inside her over and over.

She came, and it felt like someone lit a fire between her legs, sent it racing down her limbs, a burning pleasure she hadn’t felt before, pain mixed with the ecstasy. As the first waves of heat rolled over her Malos-Ka tensed, then slammed into her, hard enough to bring tears to her eyes, as his own orgasm overtook him, and somehow this seemed to renew her own climax, tendrils of fire continuing to pulsate throughout her body as her hips jerked slightly and her body pulled against the restraints.

When it was over Malos-Ka slumped against her, his forearms resting on either side of her on the table. He was breathing heavily, and still felt hard within her. She was sore, but it was a bearable ache.

Suddenly, and rather unfortunately, Adaia thought of Zenith.

If this were Zenith, she would make him untie her at this point so she could wrap her arms around him, cradle him to her chest as their breathing slowed. But obviously that wasn’t an option here. Tears welled up in her eyes, but she resolutely repressed them – she wouldn’t let emotions get in the way of all the pleasure she’d just experienced. Now wasn’t the time.

After a minute or two, Malos-Ka rose and leaned back, a slightly sheepish look on his normally stoic face. Very slowly, he withdrew from her, and she gasped as even the sensation of his withdrawal seemed to dance along every nerve in her body.

He reached beneath the table, retrieving something from a cabinet, and soon she felt a warm, damp cloth between her legs; although she knew he was just being professional, she thought it was very kind of him to do this for her, especially considering her restraints.

After he finished he stood between her legs, his hands on her thighs.

“Valen-Zo was right,” he mused, a slight smile on his face. Surprised, she cocked an eyebrow at him.

“You are…a pleasure to work with.”

“I….” she wasn’t sure what to say to this sort of compliment. And the fact that Valen-Zo had said it about her already…she could barely put words together, she was so gratified and yet a little embarrassed. “Thank you but…wh-what does that mean?”

“I should get Valen-Zo to see to you.” He put his robes back on, left the room, and Valen-Zo was, indeed, right outside the door when he opened it. She saw the men speak to one another, and Malos-Ka sort of hung his head for a moment as Valen-Zo shook his own, but then the shorter man patted him on the arm, and continued into the room.

He began untying the restraints, and hesitantly she asked, “Is that...all, for today?”

He glanced up from what he was doing. “Not if you wish to continue. However, I thought you might want to eat something, and then we can begin again later?”

She blushed, hoping he didn’t think she was suggesting that he just leave her there all day. She was actually beginning to feel a little self-conscious, now that it was over. “Of course, thank you.”

He helped her sit up, but when she went to hop off the table her knees gave way; he caught her, and held her steady while she put her robe back on.

Then he picked her up and began to carry her out of the room, and she protested. “I assure you,” Valen-Zo replied with a chuckle, “Most patients must be carried back to their chamber after an encounter with Malos-Ka.”

She blushed furiously and fell silent. It was true, she felt…exhausted, shaky, but also…different. She’d experienced so much this past week; just a few days ago, she’d been a virgin, pining uselessly after a man that didn’t notice her, or so she thought. Since then she’d lost her virginity, and then had more types of sexual encounters than she could have ever imagined.

Now that she thought about it, she wondered what the point was of today’s exercise; she hadn’t been asked to do any Force-tricks. She questioned Valen-Zo about it as he deposited her on the bed.

“Since you do not have any experience with those types of things, I thought it would be better to let you become comfortable with the situation, the first time.”

She was silent for a moment. On the one hand, she appreciated it; she'd been able to give herself over to her desires without being distracted.

But on the other hand…she didn't feel quite right about it. She'd essentially just had a naughty sexual escapade with a stranger, and nothing had been served by it except her own lust.

Valen-Zo  noticed her discomfort. "I also tend to do this with anyone their first time with Malos-Ka, just due to the possibility of pain – it might be a little much to expect you to focus properly  in that situation. I apologize if I have misjudged, Jedi."

"I understand, but…may I request that we not do that again? Now that it's over, I…"

She still couldn't bear to try explaining to him about Zenith.

"Of course, Jedi. Again, I regret taking this liberty, and I will ensure every session from now on focuses on your Force exercises."

"I appreciate that, and I hope you don't think I'm…questioning your wisdom as a healer. It's just…personal preference."

"As I said before, there is no need to explain, our wish is to make sure you are comfortable with every situation, with no exceptions. If you experience any qualms about anything at all, you have but to voice them, and we will adjust as needed."

"Thank you very much."

He nodded, then paused on his way to the door. “Based on what I saw today, I assume that this scenario pleases you?”

“Yes, I….” she felt color rising to her cheeks again. Damn her pale skin. “I’ve never…felt anything like that. I am glad you’ve shown it to me.”

He turned fully back towards her. “I am glad you are pleased. But I do want to remind you, that future sessions  may be…less entertaining for you.”

She raised her eyebrows at him.

“As you know, the reason we try to find what most arouses you, is to put you in the most extreme of situations where you might need to use your gift and be unable to call upon it.”

“Well, I would certainly call that…an extreme situation. I have never been more turned on in my life,” she admitted frankly.

He smiled and bowed his head. “Good. Then future sessions should be even more enlightening.”

“…Why?” She wasn’t sure whether to be nervous or excited. Her body decided for her – mostly the latter, with a healthy dose of the former.

He merely shook his head. “You will see. I will send Tana-Re to take you to the garden for your meal.” And he closed the door.

Very interesting.


	12. Discussion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild NSFW (mention)

Contrary to what she anticipated, nothing too different happened later that evening or the next morning. Valen-Zo tied her restraints, but then remained in the room when Malos-Ka entered, and stayed throughout, directing her to try this or that with some devices that hung from the ceiling (which, to be honest, she hadn’t noticed at all during her first visit).

She was instructed to hold out as long as possible before allowing herself to climax, and she did her best. Once, after 30 minutes of repressing herself, she came explosively, and Malos-Ka bit his lip and closed his eyes. She didn’t register it at the time, but later she remembered that Valen-Zo had reached out a hand, very faintly glowing with the Force, and lightly touched Malos-Ka on the arm; the larger man let out his breath and opened his eyes.

She realized as she thought about this that Valen-Zo had been helping the other man control his own orgasm – and felt a flush of satisfaction that somehow, she caused so much pleasure in him that his professional duties were nearly compromised. She knew she shouldn’t feel this way – for all she knew, it was a mark of pride for them to be able to restrain themselves, and he might even be reprimanded for failing to do so. She resolved to ask Valen-Zo about it at some point.

She got her chance later that afternoon, when he came to fetch her after her midday meal. Before they exited her chamber, she stopped him.

“I want to ask you some things, Valen-Zo, if you don’t mind?” She requested tentatively.

Immediately he turned and seated himself on the edge of her bed, facing slightly towards her. “Of course, please feel free.”

Now that she was at the point of speaking to him about it, she wasn’t quite sure how to start. She looked down for a moment.

“Malos-Ka said something…about…” she cleared her throat. “He said it was a pleasure working with me?” She finally managed, and then looked up at him.

He was smiling, but he sighed.

“I should explain something to you. In this Enclave, among many things that we are taught, we learn that it is very important to keep control of ourselves at all times. How can we train others to maintain their own control, if we cannot do so?” He let this sink in for a moment, and she nodded. “Therefore, while it is not unheard of for Healers to climax during a healing session, it is rather rare.”

“Malos-Ka, he…he didn’t get into trouble, for…for yesterday, did he? Or Kira-Ton the other day, I mean I requested—“

He chuckled. “No, neither of them did. But part of the reason is that…I have already let my control slip with you, twice.”

Her eyes widened. She didn’t remember any time when—

“I can see you did not notice, and I am glad for that. Indeed the first time, I held out while we were actually together, but you may recall on the third day I excused myself rather hastily afterward?”

She thought back on this, and indeed she did remember that as soon as she’d finished and slid off of him to lay on the cushioned platform, exhausted, he’d gotten up with some excuse or other, returning a few minutes later.

He watched her think through this, and then clarified. “I had to…relieve the pressure immediately, or I risked coming inside you, which I have not done with a patient for years.”

Her face felt as if it were on fire. But he wasn’t done.

“The second time was the day before yesterday. I thought surely you noticed that I continued…moving after you were done, which I do not normally do. Not to mention the slight…extra wetness you must have experienced. I was shocked at myself, but we had four sessions in a rather short time period and…well.” He looked down sheepishly. “I suppose holding back four times in a row was too much for me, even after all my years of experience.”

She was speechless. She just sat there for a moment, trying to articulate a question, but couldn’t quite do so.

Finally, “But…but why?”

“You are extremely beautiful, for one thing,” he replied, and again she was disgusted by the way her face could flame because of something innocuous, even when he’d seen her in several _extremely_ compromising positions.

“But more than that…there is something about your…I won’t say innocence, because you are not a child by any means, but your reactions, your movements are so unstudied,” he explained. “Many people we treat have quite a few…what is the term…notches on their bedposts. Some of them have even used their bodies as sexual weapons or tools for manipulation. But even when they haven’t, their practiced movements are…more predictable, and easier to guard against.”

Her brow lowered as she pondered this.

“Your honest pleasure, I think, is what has undone all of us.”

She bit her lip. “I…appreciate the compliment, but I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do to…diminish this effect, considering that I’m not even doing it consciously.”

He smiled and took her hand. “There is no need for you to change. It is a lesson for us to learn as well.”

“But wait, may I ask you one more thing?”

“Of course.”

“What if…” her face grew red yet again. She pressed her fingers to her hot cheeks. “What if I really…I mean, _really_ enjoy that? I mean you may have guessed so from what Kira-Ton told you, but…”

He tilted his head for a moment, contemplating.

“I suppose it is acceptable, if you wish it, for us to allow ourselves this release on occasion?”

She smiled her thanks to him; it was true – she did very much enjoy it, especially when she knew that they were trying hard to control it.

She allowed him to lead her into the other room to begin the next session.


	13. Ecstasy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EXTREMELY (!!!) NSFW

As with the previous times she’d been in this room, Valen-Zo undressed her and sat her on the table. But before she could lie back, he reached into the same hidden cabinet underneath the table’s surface and pulled out a length of dark fabric. She looked questioningly at him, unsure what he intended to use it for.

He didn’t answer, but stepped close to her and reached up with the strip of cloth in his hand, deliberately, she thought, letting the silky fabric slide over her bare breast as he held the cloth up to her face.

She sucked in a breath. A blindfold? She felt herself become more slick as she sat there, Valen-Zo standing between her knees in front of the table, waiting for her confirmation before he proceeded. Her heartbeat echoed strongly in her abdomen, and she nodded. He gently placed the cloth over her eyes, and tied it just behind her ear.

This was…very different. All the things she’d watched him do before, now she could only feel them. She imagined this extrasensory feeling would be heightened tenfold when Malos-Ka entered her.

But Valen-Zo murmured to her as he gently pushed her back down on the table, “Today will be different, Jedi. Again, I will not ask you to do any Force exercises. But we will be…experimenting, with your pleasure threshold. As always, if you do not like what is happening, please say so immediately.”

She merely whispered her assent; she wasn’t afraid, exactly, but…

He didn’t tie her. She was about to ask about this when she heard the door open and shut. But she couldn’t tell who’d come in the room; they didn’t speak.

Then she felt Valen-Zo’s hand on her left ankle. It slid up her leg, caressing her calf, her inner thigh, brushed ever so lightly against her heat, and then moved back to her ankle. Then she felt his other hand on her wrist, gently pulling her arm toward the edge of the table. He didn’t raise it toward the corner, like he had previously, but pulled it in a relaxed position.

Then he pulled her leg out and up, setting it in the stirrup as before. But he kept his hand on her ankle; rather tightly, she thought. His other hand was also tight on her wrist. What was he doing?

She gasped as she felt another hand on her right leg. A bigger hand: Malos-Ka. He too ran his large, warm hand up her leg, slipping up over her knee, and going so far as to slid two fingers into her, very briefly. Two of his fingers were nearly the size of Valen-Zo’s manhood, and she whimpered a little bit, but he quickly pulled them out.

He pulled her right ankle and set her foot in the stirrup, then took her right wrist, holding it against the table.

She couldn’t help herself – she tried to move.

Their strength was greatly paramount to hers; she whimpered as she struggled against their hands, but not in distress.

She could literally feel herself dripping wetness on the table; if she had thought her first experience with being bound was arousing, she could never have anticipated this.

But what were they going to –

Then she felt smaller hands on her inner thighs. She vocally gasped; there was a third person here? It had to be Kira-Ton, but what…

The hands moved slowly toward her heat, soft, delicate fingers tracing over her skin. When Kira-Ton reached her destination, she slid 3 slender fingers inside her, and Adaia jerked.

The hands restraining her held fast. The feeling of both men’s hands holding her down was almost more than she could handle; she bit her lip. Valen-Zo had instructed her to control herself as much as possible, but she was already finding it difficult. She used what little of the Force she could muster to try to calm herself.

The other woman’s hand withdrew, then she pushed four fingers in. Adaia merely took a breath, trying to maintain even breathing. Kira-Ton’s fingers withdrew again.

And then she slipped her entire hand inside.

Adaia cried out as the slender woman’s fist penetrated her, just far enough, and began putting pressure exactly where she knew it would make her climax.

How unfair! How was she supposed to hold off an orgasm with Malos-Ka and Valen-Zo holding her down and Kira-Ton mercilessly pressing her knuckles into her most sensitive spot?

Then Valen-Zo leaned down and whispered to her. “Go ahead, Adaia, you have permission.”

Just as he said it, Kira-ton pushed upward forcefully, and Adaia released what little control she had left over her body and almost sobbed as she came around the other woman’s hand.  She barely registered Kira-Ton’s gasp when her muscles tightened and her hips jerked, and as before the feeling of being held down only prolonged her orgasm by several seconds.

When it was over, Kira-Ton slowly withdrew her hand.

Adaia heard the cabinet open and close, and had a brief moment to wonder what was being retrieved when she noticed that Valen-Zo and Malos-Ka were now tying the usual cords around her ankles.

She wanted to look around to understand what was going on, but of course, she couldn’t. She was almost sad to have the men’s large hands removed from her legs, but she assumed they’d be needed for something else. Each of them still held down one of her wrists.

Then she felt their hands between her legs.

With Malos-Ka hand on the right and Valen-Zo’s on the left, at the same time they spread her wide open, and she whimpered in shock as she felt some foreign object touch her. Again she struggled, but the cords, and the men’s hands, remained firm.

The object was smooth and warm, and she couldn’t hold back her noises of confusion as it pushed against her clit, then slid all the way down and back up again.

Then Kira-Ton slipped it inside her, agonizingly slowly.

Valen-Zo leaned forward again.

“Can you find the meditation ball above you, Adaia?”

She liked to think that his voice was a little husky.

She could barely form words, of course she couldn't…but no, she had to try. She tried to focus; she knew it was there, she should be able to sense it if she concentrated hard enough…

"I….I think so…"

“Can you try to move it for me?”

How could he ask this of her right now…the warmth was almost more than she could bear.

She'd thought she'd located it, although she kept losing its location as Kira-Ton slid the object in and out of her…she tried her best to move it, but couldn't be sure of her success.

"Very good," Valen-Zo murmured. He paused. "Do you like the wood?"

“Yes,” she finally said, plaintively. “Yes, yes.” Just for good measure.

“Mhmmm. Then perhaps you will enjoy this even more.”

Immediately the wooden rod glided out, but it was quickly replaced with another object.

As before, she felt it stroking her for a moment, and then it, too, penetrated her. This object was bigger, heavier, and cooler. It felt like…stone. She bit her lip as inch by inch it slid in, filling her more fully than the wooden rod, the weight and density of it sending shivers across her body.

“Can you try moving the ball again,” Valen-Zo asked in a whisper.

“I…I don’t know…” she stammered, unable to concentrate.

She sensed him leaning over her, and then felt his breath on her nipple. “Are you sure?”

She whimpered and tried again to fix her attention on the object above her, rather than the one inside her.

And again she wondered if she'd made any progress – until Valen-Zo’s lips closed over her breast, and she arched her back as he suckled, and at the same time the stone was pressed at an angle, pushing into the spot recently tormented by Kira-Ton’s hand.

“I can’t…please, I can’t…”

“Yes you can, Jedi,” Malos-Ka’s deep voice rumbled to her right. His hand tightened on her wrist. She tried again to use the Force to calm herself, but although it didn’t fully slip away from her as it had the first day, she couldn’t control it enough to help her. She tried just taking deep breaths instead, but as her chest rose and fell, she felt Valen-Zo make some sort of noise…of pleasure…against her breast, and she couldn’t control it any longer.

An animal wail escaped her lips. Her body exploded into a thousand fragments of pleasure, ecstasy racing like lightning all over her body, even to her fingertips, and she felt both men’s hands tighten on her as she shuddered.

She lay there panting for a moment, but when she got some semblance of breath back, “not…fair…” she reprimanded them. Valen-Zo had stood back up but she heard him chuckle.

She thought they would let go; Kira-Ton was sliding the stone out, and she’d already come twice (even though she wasn’t really supposed to), and she didn’t know what else they might do to her if they were both going to remain—

Another object. This one almost ice cold.

And heavy. Kira-Ton laid it on her abdomen, letting it sit there for a moment, presumably so Adaia could feel the weight of it.

“But…but I…”

“Shhhh….it’s alright Jedi. Here, I will help you this time.” He removed his hand from between her legs for a moment, and placed it on the center of her chest. She felt Force-calm radiating out from it, and immediately she felt more in control of her body’s reactions. She whispered her thanks to him, and then his hand brushed over her stomach, her abdomen, as it crept back down.

Again he parted her, opening her to expose her heat.

Kira-Ton blew gently between her legs, and Adaia cried out; her cool breath should never have been able to touch so deep inside her, but for the men’s hands spreading her apart.

Then, without preamble, the object was driven into her, two inches, then three; she cried out. Her extreme wetness allowed it to slide in easily, but she still felt stretched; it was as almost as large as Malos-Ka’s manhood, and was even harder. And so very cold.

But then it stopped. She lay there, panting.  
  
“Can you tell what this is, Jedi?” Valen-Zo asked her, and this time his voice was definitely a little breathless.

“It’s metal,” she gasped.

He rewarded her by touching her clit, lightly, with one fingertip.

She wailed, all the control he’d given to her evaporating.

The metal slid out, and she felt them pulling her open again as it slid back in, further. Again, and again. If Valen-Zo touched her once more she swore she would scream and come a third time.

“Please try moving the ball again, Adaia," he whispered into her ear, even as he spread her open again for Kira-Ton to push the metal deeper into her. Its chill made it easy to feel every bit of it penetrating her.

She just bit her lip and nodded, not trusting herself to speak as it would just come out a moan.

It took all her willpower to focus on the meditation tool hanging above her – she felt like all she could gather of the Force was a bit of smoke, ephemeral, fleeting, and had no idea if she was having any effect at all anymore.

But then he touched her clit again, and her hips jerked up in response. The tool slid deeper still.

“Go ahead, Kira-Ton,” Valen-Zo instructed.

Adaia whimpered, desperately wanting this penetration but a little afraid of the pain.

She felt the metal withdraw from her slightly, and Malos-Ka and Valen-Zo’s fingers reached even more deeply into her, pulling her open as much as possible.

Then Kira-Ton pushed, hard, and the metal thrust deeper inside her than even Malos-Ka’s hardness had penetrated.

She sobbed as the cold rod filled her body, the metal pressing ruthlessly against every inch of her slick heat.

But she controlled herself. Just barely. Thankfully it wasn’t pressing against that spot that made her come so easily.

For what felt like hours, but was probably only thirty minutes, they held her like this, Valen-Zo instructing her periodically to move the meditation ball. When she felt like she was getting a little more control, he would lightly touch her clit, and her control would disintegrate.

Finally, he told her they were almost done, and she sighed with relief – what they'd done to her today came closer to torture than any of the sessions before, as close as she was to climaxing, over and over, and then being forced to hold back. But just when she wondered if they would let her go, withdraw the metal…

Kira-Ton’s lips found her clit, stretched taut above where the huge metal rod was protruding from inside her. Her tongue flicked out, licking circles around the nub, and then she pushed down on the outer end of the rod, effectively pressing it upward, right into her G-spot.

For the third time, Adaia came, her keening cry echoing throughout the room, her blood igniting, racing through every vein in a frenzy of pleasure. Her body trembled for a full fifteen seconds as wave after wave of orgasm overtook her.


	14. Departure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW (mention)

An hour later she was resting in her room after a long bath. She was physically more exhausted than she had been since she'd arrived, but her brain was at full throttle. She couldn't sleep, and wished she had her training staff and a deserted clearing in which to go outside and work out some of her stress.

She didn't know why she was so conflicted about what had happened today.

It was certainly…extreme. While they had gradually introduced her to more and more…intense situations, this was far beyond anything she could have imagined in her fumbling attempts to research sexuality. Though she'd heard vague rumors of different sorts of encounters, and had even seen some rather interesting – and often off-putting – images and vids in her holonet explorations…nothing like this had actually occurred to her.

And she definitely felt it was the limit of what she might enjoy. It was very nearly beyond that limit.

She couldn't deny her body's reaction to it, but…the other layers of her response were not as black and white. It was very difficult for her to analyze – at the time, she'd felt nothing but pleasure; frustration, of course, when she'd had to concentrate on using the Force. But it was almost the excessive nature of the pleasure that bothered her.

For her to be made to climax – intensely – three times within one hour; to have all three of her 'healers' involved in doing things to her at the same time; to be blindfolded, bound, as well as invaded…

And yet none of it engaging her emotions a single bit.

Of course, she was certain such a scenario could never occur with anyone that she was emotionally involved with; the thought of having Zenith participate in something like that was…not pleasant.

She knew that the exercise was merely to push her to the limits of her arousal, in order to work her Force ability more strenuously. But even so…

She just couldn't reconcile herself to it, not completely.

Maybe it was time to go home.

*******

Valen-Zo came to wake her the next day, and before she mentioned leaving, she had an important question.

"I forgot to ask you yesterday – since I was blindfolded, I've no idea what progress I made with the meditation ball."

"Actually," he replied, and she held her breath for a moment, afraid he would say she'd not moved it at all, that she needed a lot more sessions like that one in order to move forward. "You were able to move it by several inches; I was very impressed with your efforts, given the extreme position you were in."

She felt her cheeks grow warm at the mention of her 'position'.

"I am glad to hear that." She took a deep breath. "I hope you do not take this amiss, but…I think I would like to bring my time here to a close."

She knew he wouldn't be angry, but she was a little afraid he would assume her departure was due to the previous day's session. Which it was, but not exactly in the way he probably thought.

But although he was silent for a moment, he merely nodded. "As you wish, Jedi – if you feel you are satisfied with the level of progress, you certainly know what to do to continue working on your own."

"Valen-Zo…I…hope you can understand that…" She sighed. "I know you don't need an explanation. But I would like to give you one regardless. I'm not leaving because I didn't enjoy what happened – quite the opposite. I enjoyed it a little too much for my own peace of mind."

"Ah."

"And aside from that, I have…matters I must attend to, with my crew," she added, which wasn't completely a lie.

Zenith _was_ part of her crew…

"Understood. I realize that you have many duties and have already taken quite a bit of time to yourself as it is. Would you…like to say goodbye to the others, or would you prefer not to see them again?"

Adaia chewed on her lip. After what had happened yesterday…

But no, it would be rude to just leave without taking her leave of them.

"I wish to bid them farewell, if that can be arranged," she decided.

He nodded, and left the room; she quickly packed, and got dressed in her own clothes again – clothes that now seemed almost foreign. But as she looked down at her pants and shirt in varying shades of brown, she vowed there was another thing she would take away from this experience, besides the obvious healing she'd done: color.

Suddenly and unexpectedly, the thought of spending the rest of her days in the drab shades of typical Jedi attire seemed terribly sad to her, after all the beautiful blues she'd been surrounded with for the past two weeks, and the flame-colored trees that encircled the enclave. She resolved to purchase some things in Voss-Ka before she left that would reflect her personal preferences a little more.

Kira-Ton knocked softly on the door, and Adaia bade her enter. She took the other woman's hands in hers.

"I would like to tell you how much I appreciate everything you've done. It's been a pleasure to work with you, and I wish you the best in your future here."

Kira-Ton smiled. "Thank you very much, Jedi. I've enjoyed working with you as well, and perhaps we both learned something about ourselves on the way?"

Adaia smiled even though her face flushed a little. "Indeed."

The Voss woman squeezed her hands slightly, then released them. "I wish you well in your travels, Adaia."

And then she left.

Next was Malos Ka, who was much more reticent.

"Good luck to you, Jedi," he rumbled, not exactly looking at her.

"Malos-Ka? Are you…angry with me?"

That got his attention. "No! Of course I—I apologize. I fear it is I who have brought about your early departure." He looked away again.

"Oh – no, that's not..." She sighed, and impulsively she stood on her toes and hugged him. "It's not that at all. You've done absolutely nothing wrong."

He briefly returned her embrace, but when she stood back, he looked confused.

She flushed; she knew she wasn't obligated to clarify her reasons, but…he was so sweet, and she didn't want him to blame himself for causing her to leave.

"I'm sure you know my…circumstances, before I came here?" He nodded. "I…prefer not to experience anything further with…with anyone other than him."

"Oh! I…I didn't realize that you…that he…"

She chuckled. "Yes, well, I wasn't sure either, and I still don't know what will happen, but…I think I've made enough progress now, that I can try to…move forward, with him."

"He is a lucky man," the big Voss replied unexpectedly. "I hope you are happy with him."

She blinked. "I…thank you. And _I_ hope that you are able to achieve your wish of exploring the stars, Malos-Ka."

She thought he sighed, but couldn’t be sure. Suddenly it occurred to her that he might not have any means to further these aims; he'd already explained to her that he didn't get to interact much with patients at the enclave, aside from the sessions.

"You know…when you decide you are ready, I could probably help you with that," she offered.

He stared at her for a moment, then startled her again when he hugged her once more, and then disappeared from the room.

Valen-Zo returned to find her staring at the floor in mild confusion. He closed the door, and took her hand.

"You seem perturbed?"

"No, I…Malos-Ka seemed…upset at my departure, and I just want to ensure he knows he was not at fault – not that anyone is at fault, I'm just…ready to go…"

"I will reiterate this to him," he promised. "He did seem rather…taken with you. I think it is his fascination with other species."

She nodded, and shook off her ruminations, giving him a smile. "Well, I suppose this is goodbye."

"Indeed. I hope that you will feel free to contact me if you should have any future issues, or questions, or anything at all."

"I will, and perhaps I will…update you on my progress, at some point."

"I would appreciate that. I am always happy to hear of patients' successes."

She hugged him briefly as well, and as she did it struck her that it was a little odd she should have done so many intensely intimate things with him, but feel nothing for him other than mild, friendly affection. But that's as it should be – it would be extremely awkward for a patient to develop a crush on a healer in this situation.

She took a deep breath and stepped back, grabbing her bag, and Valen-Zo led her out of the enclave building, into the bright amber skies of Voss, to make her way back to Voss-Ka.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adaia returns to her ship and her crew...and to Zenith.

She’d contacted Nadia to let her know she was finished with her ‘business’ on Voss, and learned that Felix needed to take care of something of his own on Quesh, so they were bringing the ship to Voss as soon as they’d dropped him off. The meeting she’d missed in Coruscant had gone as planned, so thankfully she felt no guilt over leaving them to handle it without her.

She spent quite a while thinking up plausible explanations for her trip to Voss. She would probably tell Nadia at least a bit of the truth, although certainly not all of it. But the rest of the crew was getting a story about Gaden-Ko having a vision, and requesting her presence as it was interpreted, after which she’d ostensibly been asked to help with a couple of other minor matters on the planet.

She didn’t _like_ to lie to them, and honestly she wasn’t obligated to tell them anything. However, it would raise everyone’s suspicion if she refused to give any details at all about her absence of two weeks. She hoped her deception didn’t cause any issues later, but she certainly wasn’t going to blurt out anything so personal to any of her crew, no matter how long they’d been together.

As she waited at the Voss orbital station for her ship to arrive, her stomach was in knots. She paced back and forth near the center of the station for a full hour, to the point where other visitors and the station staff were making sure to avoid her.

What would he say? Would he be angry with her for not contacting him beyond that one note? Or worse, would he not care at all that she’d been gone? Would he just welcome her back in his usual taciturn way, and go on about his business? Surely he cared at least a little about her, judging by the message he’d sent… “Come back to me”, he’d said, and her heart thumped painfully still when she thought about it. But maybe she’d misread it – stars knew she wasn’t very good at reading him, nor did she have much skill at deciphering anything remotely romantic.

Her mind strayed occasionally to one of the things she’d purchased while planetside – a garment intended for Zenith’s eyes alone. But would he ever even see it? Would he want to? Each time she thought of it she’d end in feeling foolish, presumptuous, overly optimistic. She should never have bought it, it was a useless frivolity.

But she had bought a couple of other things, normal clothes for herself that were perhaps a little more flattering than the bland earthtones that she’d become accustomed to. But what was the point? She should just accept that any ideas she had of their reunion were wishful thinking. She’d be lucky if he nodded to her when she stepped back on the ship.

These thoughts chased each other around in her head the entire morning. Twice she sat down, tried to meditate for a few minutes, regained a little composure…and then a possible (negative) reaction he might have would occur to her, and she’d fall right back to pacing.

Finally she got word that her ship was incoming, and which docking point it would use. She’d been impatient before, but now that she was finally ascending the elevator to the docking bay, walking across to the airlock doors – her stomach felt like it was sinking into the floor, and she felt nauseous _. Get a hold of yourself_ , she thought. _You’re a Jedi, you can handle this._

She took one last deep breath, tried her best to center and calm herself, and felt at least a little successful. A fellow Force sensitive (namely, Nadia) would be able to tell that she was distressed, but the rest of the crew shouldn’t notice anything amiss.

The light next to the door turned green. Her heart pounded, and her stomach gave yet another lurch.

The airlock door opened.

Only Zenith was there.

Her heart leapt into her throat. They stood there, frozen in place, for a couple seconds. But then, to her shock, Zenith rushed forward and gathered her in his arms, and kissed the top of her head.

Her relief was so profound that she dropped her bag, sagged slightly in his arms before wrapping her own about his waist. When she did his arms tightened around her, and they simply stood there for several moments.

Finally she leaned back a little so she could look at him. This greeting hadn’t been what she expected, but it exceeded anything she could have imagined.

When she leaned her head back and met his violet eyes, he put his hand on her cheek, and lowered his lips to hers. This kiss was a total departure from what had passed between them before – she felt the weight of affection behind it, the sweetness that lay behind his gruff exterior, his worry over her, his relief to have her back. It was a gentle caress compared to the frenzied embrace they’d shared a few weeks ago. She almost felt like crying, she was so happy, so reassured. She kissed him back as best she knew how; kissing wasn’t something she’d learned anything about during her time on Voss.

And she was glad of it; this she would learn about the old-fashioned way: by experiencing it with the man she cared about.

Finally he lifted his head, planted a kiss on her nose of all things, and grabbed her bag in one hand, and took her hand in his other, leading her into the ship. All was quiet as he preceded her toward her quarters; she wondered if he’d somehow gotten the crew to make themselves scarce.

Once they were in her room and she’d shut the door, he set her bag in a chair, and sat down on the bed, pulling her down with him. She felt her doubt and panic returning – she knew he would ask her for an explanation, and she knew she had to tell him the truth.

His affectionate attitude would be a thing of the past once he found out. She had no idea if she could ever get it back. Maybe she should just lie to him as well, and they could continue on as if nothing had happened, pick up where they left off.

But she knew this wouldn’t work. She had to tell him about her weakness to ensure no more ‘mistakes’ could be made. Besides that, even after all she’d experienced in the past two weeks, if she tried to be intimate with him again, she might have some anxiety, and what would she tell him then? She couldn’t keep lying to him.

Even Zenith could see her turmoil in her face.

“Adaia…” he began. She smiled weakly at him, took his hands in hers.

“We need to talk, Zenith.”

“That sounds…ominous,” he replied, half joking, but she could tell he was concerned.

“I’m afraid what I’m going to say will make you very unhappy, and that’s the last thing I want. But I have to tell you the truth.”

His expression was now very worried, but he didn’t let go of her hands.

She took a deep breath. “First of all, I need you to know that I…” she closed her eyes and felt her cheeks redden, “I have had feelings for you for quite some time.”

His eyebrows shot up. “Do you mean, prior to …the other day?”

“Yes, as in…months prior.”

“You have got to be kidding me.” He seemed more frustrated than anything.

“I was…I was trying to get you to notice me, but I didn’t really know how…”

His bewilderment was absolute. “NOTICE you? How could anyone NOT notice you? Aside from the fact that I’ve seen you waste multiple attackers twice your size, _at once_ , which is _noticeable_ enough in itself, you’re also the hottest Jedi I’ve ever laid eyes on.” Her eyes were wide, and he misinterpreted her expression. “You’re messing with me, aren’t you. Of course you are, there’s no way you could have actually thought that I…didn’t….” he trailed off as she shook her head. “You’re serious.” She nodded.

“Kriff. I…well. I guess I was too good at covering up my feelings.”

She could hardly believe what he was saying – her, the ‘hottest Jedi’? It seemed utter nonsense; she didn’t think anyone had told her she was attractive in her whole life until very recently. But hearing him say it was all that mattered – and the fact that he was impressed by her physical prowess was even more gratifying. She knew he gave praise rarely, and only when he really meant it.

Her breath quickened slightly. “I wanted…I wanted to ask you if…what happened between us was just…” she stopped, cleared her throat, looked around the room for a moment, trying to get her courage up. It was amazing to her that despite what she’d been through, recently and in general (including things like battling formidable enemies), she could still be so flustered by asking a simple question. “Was it just physical, or did you want something beyond that? I don’t mean to pressure you into anything, I just want to know.” There, she’d said it.

He sighed, and her heart floundered. But she was an adult, she could take his answer, whatever it was. At least that’s what she told herself.

“Yet another thing I’m terrible at, apparently,” he replied. “I thought…of course, why would you assume that I had any feelings towards you, after how I bungled the whole situation. I’m still mad at myself about that, you know.”

“Wh-what?” Did he already know something? No, he couldn’t. Then what did he mean?

He ran a hand over his face, then rubbed the back of his neck. Sighed again.

“Honestly, I was just too…worked up, and I let my libido get the best of me. I’m sorry.”

Oh stars...if he was upset about it now, what would he do once he knew the full extent of what had happened? She felt tears well up in her eyes, pushed them back.

Looking down, she replied, “We can talk about that in a minute. You still haven’t answered my question,” she added, giving him a weak smile.

He leaned forward unexpectedly and brushed his lips against hers. “If you’ll have me, Adaia,” he murmured against her mouth, “then yes, I definitely want something beyond just physical.”

A small noise of assent escaped her throat as she leaned into him, returning his kiss with vigor. But she had to stop – she was almost sorry that he’d said that, even though it was exactly what she wanted to hear. If he’d just wanted sex from her, she could have told him that she wasn’t really interested in that sort of ‘fling’, and that would be the end of it. They could go their separate ways; perhaps he would have gone back to Balmorra as he mentioned before. The thought of that made her gut feel weighted with misery, but it would have been easier for him, at least.

But as it was, she would have to continue with her plan to tell him the full truth, and start working to move past it.

“I’m…glad to hear that, and I feel the same way, in case that wasn’t obvious,” she smiled slightly. “But I have some things to tell you, and I hope they don’t change your mind.”

“I think you underestimate the depth of my regard, but please, continue.” Stars, why did he have to say such things? This time her tears made it to her eyelashes, and she blinked hard to clear them away, but Zenith noticed.

“Hey, it can’t be that bad! You know a lot of the awful stuff I’ve done in the past, and if you still have feelings for me even so, what could you possibly have to tell me that would put me off?” As he said this he gathered her in his arms, scooted them to the head of the bed, and deposited her in his lap as he leaned up against the wall. She knew she shouldn’t allow this – it would just make it worse when he pushed her away. But she couldn’t help herself; these sweet embraces were part of what she’d dreamed of from him for so long, she couldn’t deny herself their solace now.

“Alright, go ahead, tell me your secrets, Jedi,” he teased, trying to lighten her mood. She’d no idea he could be so playful, so…nice. It made her heart burn for him even more.

“So, you know I’ve been on Voss. But…I lied about what I was doing there.”

“I assumed that.”

She looked up, startled. “You did?”

“Well, you left immediately after we’d slept together, and would hardly talk to me before you left. Even when you were trying to reassure me it wasn’t my fault, you said it was related. So I just figured you’d tell me when you felt like you could.”

She bit her lip, squeezed her eyes shut, trying to contain the tears that rose up unbidden. Once more she was mostly successful, and she nestled her head back into his neck.

“I’m glad you knew; I didn’t want to lie, but I didn’t know what would happen, and I just…I couldn’t tell you yet.”

He waited patiently for her to continue, his fingers fiddling with her braid where it lay over her shoulder.

“I went to Voss because the night we were together, I discovered I had a sort of…weakness, that only Force-sensitives are afflicted with.”

“Weakness? You mean like, a weakness to…my dashing good looks?”

Despite her anguish she couldn’t help but laugh at this, and punched him playfully on the arm. He smiled, glad to have lightened her mood, even if only for a moment.

“I’ll elaborate in a moment. It has to do with…intimacy. And that’s what I went to Voss to fix. And while they couldn’t exactly fix it, I did make progress, and the situation is a little improved.”

“Ok, then what’s the problem?”

“The healing process involved…umm…” her face colored yet again; would she ever be able to talk about things like this without blushing like a child? Probably not, she decided.

“In order to sort of…train me and treat the issue...intimacy was also required.”

His hand on her braid paused.

“Do you mean….”

“Yes.”

“Wow.”

After a few seconds his hand resumed its movement. Was that really all there was to his reaction? He wasn’t disgusted? Suspicious? Did he really understand what she meant?

“Zenith, I’m saying I had sex while I was there,” she blurted out.

Of all things, he chuckled. “Yes, I had gathered.”

“But….you’re not upset? Or…weirded out?”

“I can’t say I enjoy the thought of you sleeping with other people, no. But your body is yours to do with as you please, and it’s not like we were married when you left. Not to mention the fact that you said you were doing it to treat this illness, or whatever it is. So why would I judge you for that?”

Stars and galaxies. Did this man actually exist?

“I…well. Thank you.” She didn’t really know what else to say.

“You’re welcome. Now, do you feel like telling me more about this issue you discovered you had?”

Here was the really hard part. This, she feared, was where she broke his heart, as well as her own.

“Before I tell you this, I just need you to know that…everything that happened…it was my fault, because I didn’t say anything.”

“Okay….” Now his voice held a hint of worry.

She squeezed her eyes shut and rushed on. “So first off…that time…was my first time.”

“ _WHAT_?”

His incredulity amused, gratified, and saddened her simultaneously. It was a little bit comical, honestly, but she thought she must have performed decently enough if he was that skeptical.

But she was fairly certain that this disclosure was going to make him feel even worse, before she even got to the rough part of her revelations.

She had leaned back so she could see his face, and his shock was almost palpable. “Yes,” she reiterated.

“I….” he didn’t seem to be able to form words. But then his face went from shock to anger. For a moment she thought he was going to dump her on the bed and stand up, but then she realized his anger was directed at himself, just as she’d feared.

“Are you telling me, that I….treated you like.....some common….and that was your _first time_?” He was still having trouble putting together whole sentences, but she understood what he meant.

“Zenith, I told you, it was my fault, I gave you the impression that—“

“I should have known better! I’d never seen you have any encounters with anyone, you never even _looked_ at anyone else, which is part of why I always assumed you were beyond my reach. I thought you were so dedicated to the Code that you didn’t even feel attraction for anyone. Gods dammit…”

“I never _did_ feel that way about anyone else, so you were right about that. Not until I met you.”

This was apparently the wrong thing to say. His anger deflated, and he sunk back against the wall, his hand over his eyes. “So I made you want to go against the Code, after decades of being a Jedi, and what did I do? I manhandled you. How could you have seen _anything_ in me that made you…” His voice was quiet, flat.

Needing to be able to reassure him, at least for a few more moments, she twisted around so she was straddling him – amazingly, this didn’t inspire any feelings of lust in her; she didn’t have room for that sort of thing at the moment. She took his face in her hands, forced him to look at her.

“Zenith. Listen to me. It was not your fault, I specifically said a lot of stupid things to make you think I was someone I wasn’t. I wanted to impress you I guess, or at least get your attention. Which I did, so I guess it worked, in a way.”

He didn’t seem convinced, but he did put his arms back around her.

“And yes, I will admit it stunned me too, to find myself falling for someone I hadn’t known that long, and who didn’t seem to have the time of day for me. Definitely not what I was expecting. But you can’t be so angry with yourself for not knowing something I specifically tried to hide.”

He sighed, leaned forward, allowing his forehead to rest against hers. “Alright, fine. You win this round, but I can’t just let that go, alright?” She gave a small nod.

“Wait, you said ‘first off’ earlier. Was that…not all you had to tell me?”

Now, after she’d moved so she could look him in the eye, she could no longer do so. She leaned against him, put her head on his shoulder, and wrapped her arms around his lower back.

“Adaia…what is it…”

She closed her eyes, but this time could not prevent the tears from spilling out.

“Zenith, I can’t…I can’t use the Force…during sex.” There, she’d told him. It was out now, and all she could do was hope that he didn’t take it too badly.

“What do you mean you can’t use the…” he trailed off, and was very still for a moment. “That night. You were…you were saying no…”

She nodded against his neck; she knew her tears were trailing down his skin but she couldn’t stop. She was shaking now; even though she normally couldn’t feel others’ emotions, his current feelings were so strong that she couldn’t help but sense them.

Anguish. Shame. Crushing self-loathing.

“Please, Zenith, no,” she whispered.

He just sat there, unmoving. His hands had dropped from around her back and when she looked down she saw that he had the covers on her bed in a death grip, so tight his knuckles were white. She finally got the courage to look up at his face, and she wished she hadn’t.

The fact that he was crying was bad enough, but the look of utter despair on his face was more than she could bear.

She sat up, stroked his cheek, tried to get him to look at her, but he wouldn’t look up.

“Zenith, don’t do this, I’m sorry I had to tell you but there was no way for us move forward together if you didn’t know—“

“Move forward? What do you mean, move forward??” he ground out, and his voice was so filled with turmoil that she had to put a hand to her mouth to stifle a sob. “Why would you even talk to me about…about relationships, when…how can you even LOOK at me, Adaia?”

At this point he started to get up; Adaia tried to keep him there, but short of using the Force, which she felt would be terribly inappropriate at this moment, she couldn’t restrain him.

“Zenith, I’m trying to tell you, it’s not your fault!” She pleaded with him. “You had no idea, how could you possibly know, I didn’t even know myself until that moment!” She was on her knees on the bed, her hands clasped, prayer-like, in front of her.

“You told me no! You told me to wait, and I refused, and then you told me you weren’t ready, and I just…I….gods dammit!” He covered his face with his hands and sank down into a chair. His shoulders shook.

She slid from the bed to the floor, kneeling in front of him. She tried to pull his hands away from his face but he wouldn’t allow it, so she settled for laying her hands on his knees.

“Zenith, listen to me. Please don’t do this to yourself, I’m so sorry, I never wanted you to feel like this—“

Then he did look up.

“Did you just _apologize_ to me? Adaia, I…I _RAPED_ you. And you…” at this point he looked like he was going to be physically ill, and Adaia didn’t feel she was far behind.

“Don’t say that! That’s not what happened, we just—“

“That is _exactly_ what happened! You said no, and I kept going. That is the actual definition of the word!” He was almost yelling now, but she knew his anger wasn’t directed at her.

“But you naturally assumed that I could have stopped you! Almost any other Force-user could have! I thought _I_ could, right up until I couldn’t!” She desperately wanted to get through to him, but she didn’t know if it was possible.

He made a halfhearted attempt to wipe the tears from his face, then stared at her. “What do you want me to say? That everything’s fine, we can pick up where we left off? You know that’s impossible now.”

Crushed, she sank back, sagged against the bed, and drew her knees up to her chest. “I thought…I thought we could…” her voice broke on a sob.

“How could you possibly still want anything to happen between us, after that?” His voice had calmed ever so slightly, but his face was still anguished. “I can’t understand it – even if you don’t blame me, which you should, I can’t imagine how you aren’t repulsed just looking at me! Regardless of the reasons or excuses or any of that, you trusted me, and I violated that trust!” He put his face in his hands again.

“Because I _LOVE_ you, Zenith,” she practically yelled from behind her hands.

Shit, now was not the time for her to have revealed such a thing. “I…I’m sorry, I didn’t…just forget I said that.”

Zenith had grown very silent. This was going worse than she’d anticipated – not only had he reacted exactly as she’d prayed he wouldn’t, but now she’d exacerbated the situation by revealing feelings that were better left unspoken. She made an angry noise in her throat.

“Adaia…”

She startled at the closeness of his voice; he was on his knees in front of her. He started to reach out, then visibly flinched, and pulled his hand back.

“I’m sorry. I can’t…I have to go.” He stood up, and as she was struggling to find the words to tell him to wait, he left, closing the door behind him.

She finally let go of what composure she had left, and her body shook as silent sobs wracked her.

After half an hour crying uselessly on the floor, she climbed into the bed, buried her face in the pillow, and fell into an exhausted, tearful sleep.

***  
  
She woke to a buzz at the door _. Please let it be him,_ she thought desperately.

It was Nadia.

Stars, how was she supposed to face her? There was no way she could hide her despair from her Padawan; she was more sensitive to people’s moods than Adaia was, and their Force connection had probably already told her much about the state of her Master’s mind. She might as well let her in and explain at least some of what had happened. She felt like a terrible Master, crying on her Padawan’s shoulder; but Nadia had come to her much later in life than most Padawans, and their relationship was more so that of friends rather than mentor and student.

Therefore it was much easier than she’d anticipated to tell Nadia the truth. Most of it, anyway; she couldn’t reveal exactly what had happened between her and Zenith, nor what had happened at the Healers’ Enclave – the details she glossed over.

Nadia’s sympathy was welcome, but her advice wasn’t necessarily of any use since she didn’t have the full story. She uttered pointless platitudes such as “He’ll come around” and “He just needs time” occasionally interspersed with comments like “You don’t need him anyway” which Adaia supposed were meant to be empowering. Well, it was nice to be comforted, regardless, and Adaia appreciated what she was trying to do. Eventually Adaia pled exhaustion and Nadia rose to leave, but not before making her promise she’d come talk to her later, to tell her how she was doing. Adaia agreed and managed a weak smile as she left.

It occurred to her that perhaps there were some reports she could catch up on, or she could review the notes of the meeting she’d missed on Coruscant, among other things; busy work might help take her mind off the situation, and calm her enough to perform some basic meditation. She had little confidence in her ability to properly meditate right now, but perhaps if she could clear her mind with mundane matters…

She was at least somewhat successful; she went over several reports, as well as requests for her aid that had come in during her absence. She sent out messages to the rest of the crew regarding where they’d be going next, and once she was done with that, she was calm enough to meditate for an hour or two, which helped her reach a state of at least superficial serenity. She should be able to appear in front of the crew without breaking down, even if, on the inside, she felt like her heart was crumbling.


	16. Chapter 16

Weeks passed.

They revisited Taris to help iron out a disagreement between native families, and when they were attacked by rakghouls she let Nadia try a Force technique she’d been working on to subdue animals. In the end, they’d had to kill the beasts anyway, and Nadia had been disappointed. Adaia was temporarily distracted with helping her tweak her methods.

They traveled to Ord Mantell, a planet she’d never visited before, to assist Republic forces with a treaty with Separatists. She took Qyzen with her, and he’d taken blaster fire for her when she’d missed an attacker in hiding, trying to sabotage the proceedings, although he was barely injured.

She desperately wanted to park the ship at Alderaan, or even Tython, and spend days in the woods, meditating. But she was torn between that, and continuing to distract herself with this mission and that.

Not once did she attempt to bring Zenith with her planetside. She knew he would refuse to be alone with her. So far she’d resisted every urge to speak to him even once, other than commonplace greetings when they were in front of the others. But her resolve was withering. Sometimes she’d see his expression when he thought she wasn’t looking, and his misery ate at her. She knew it wouldn’t be long before she felt she had to try to reach out to him again. Even if he wouldn’t change his mind about the two of them, she wanted to try to convince him not to hate himself quite so much. That pained her more than anything.

After Qyzen’s injury, she knew she couldn’t keep putting her crew members in harm’s way, in the attempt to avoid her own misery for a scant few hours.

They had gone to drop something off to a Jedi doing work in Nar Shaddaa, and Nadia offered – practically insisted – on taking the item in her stead. Weary, worn down, she had barely protested, and only noticed something strange when she realized that Nadia had somehow convinced Qyzen and Iresso to join her in the city. Iresso she could understand, but Qyzen…she could only guess what sort of prey Nadia had promised was lurking in the depths of the city, that Qyzen would be enticed to travel there. He normally loathed cities. Tharan was visiting with some Hutt researcher he’d heard about, and was set to be gone for several days.

At first she was embarrassed, almost angry that Nadia had engineered such a thing – was her despair so transparent that her Padawan had to step in?

But Zenith hadn’t a clue; he was in the cargo bay needlessly rearranging some of their supplies, and didn’t realize everyone had left.

Since Nadia had worked so hard to give her this opportunity, she decided not to waste it. She didn’t really know what she hoped to accomplish, but she couldn’t stay silent any longer.

She cornered Zenith in the cargo bay. Cleared her throat so as not to sneak up on him. He paused briefly in the midst of stacking some crates, glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, and continued stacking.

“What can I do for you, Jedi?” He asked flatly.

Her stomach clenched. She didn’t know if she could get through this conversation if he was going to talk to her in that tone of voice. But she pursed her lips, a flare of determination illuminating the shadows in her face.

“There’s no one else here, Zenith. You needn’t revert to calling me ‘Jedi’,” she pointed out.

This time he put down the supplies he was holding, looked fully around, then directly at her. “Where are they?”

“They’ve all gone to take care of their own business on Nar Shaddaa. They’ll likely be gone for several hours.” She kept her voice carefully neutral.

For a moment Zenith looked angry, but then he just sighed, and sat down on one of the low crates, his elbows resting on his knees.

Encouraged, she took a seat opposite him, careful not to touch him. She had no idea how he even felt about her, any more; perhaps his own regret and shame had killed any feelings he once had for her.

“I suppose you want to talk about…” he trailed off, and stared at the floor.

“Zenith, you can’t keep doing this. I know you’re angry – no, wait,” she saw that he was going to argue with her and held her hand up. “I know you’re not angry at me, specifically; I wish you were, because then maybe I could do more to fix it. But I don’t know what to do to fix this, you have to help me.”

His voice was low and rough when he replied. “I don’t know if it _can_ be fixed.”

Her chin trembled, at his tone as well as his words. Should she just give up? What if he was right, and there was nothing to be done? What if they just existed in the space of the ship together, dodging one another, every sight of her causing his self-loathing to resurface, and every glimpse of him causing her heart to contract painfully? Should she ask him if he wanted to return to Balmorra, for good? The thought of him leaving, and their fledgling romance dying in such a horrific way, nothing ever resolved, made her physically nauseous. She didn’t think she would ever get over that. She knew it was naive to assume that people never got over broken hearts, but this…this was more than that.

What did she have to lose? She might regret it later, if he continued to rebuff her; she might look back and think she should have hidden her feelings better, should have just let him be and gotten over it. But right now, all she felt was an overwhelming compulsion to at least _try_.

She took a shaky breath, and more because she couldn’t stop herself than that she thought it would accomplish anything, she sank to her knees in front of him. She just stared up at his tormented face, searching his fathomless violet eyes for some sign that there was anything left here to salvage.

“Please, Zenith,” she pleaded. She didn’t know what else to say. “Please…”

Finally he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment as if in pain, then reached his hand out…and touched her cheek.

She thought her heart would burst; this little movement, this slight concession, was worth a thousand kisses to her. He _did_ care about her, still. Her heart, buoyed slightly, and clung to the hope that this could be made right.

She closed her eyes and leaned her cheek into his hand; he made a noise in his throat, almost as if she’d injured him. Almost before she could register, he was on the floor with her, one arm around her lower back, the other hand cradling the back of her head, his face in her hair.

“I’m so sorry, Adaia. I’m so sorry,” he whispered over and over as he crushed her against him.

Her relief was so profound she thought she must be giving off a glow; in one great exhaled breath she released the tension she hadn’t realized had congealed inside of her, a heavy weight in her stomach that she’d carried for weeks.

After several minutes in mutual accord they leaned back a little, and Zenith put his forehead against hers. He reached up a hand to wipe away the vestiges of tears from her face.

“I still don’t understand why you…want me, after everything that’s happened.” His expression was still troubled, but it was definitely an improvement. “But I can’t keep denying you. I need you too much.”

Her breath caught; his admission washed over her almost physically, like light had finally penetrated the shadows she’d wrapped herself in.

She kissed his chin, and he closed his eyes, sighing, managing to look, perhaps, even a little peaceful. She couldn’t feel any strong negative emotions emanating from him right now, and that was good enough for her. This wasn’t going to be fixed without time, and effort, but they were making progress.

“But…” he began, looking away for a moment, “I don’t think I can…I mean it’s probably best if we don’t…”

From his discomfort she could tell what he meant.  
  
“It doesn’t matter, Zenith,” she reassured him. “I don’t care if we never—“ she broke off, smiled a little, started again. “Well, maybe _never_ is a strong word. But that’s not a priority, and...you’re right, I think it is best if we don’t rush ahead this time.”

He nodded gratefully.

“But I do have one request,” she added. “You can say no if you like, I don’t want to pressure you—“

“Look Adaia, we need to get one thing straight. Given our history, you need to stop apologizing to me, and asking permission for things, and being so damn considerate.” His old gruff manner was back, even though she knew it was a little bit of a front. She pursed her lips to keep from smiling.

“Understood.”

“I doubt that, but I’ll take it, for now. Please continue.”

She couldn’t resist tightening her arms around him again, leaning her head against his chest, to his surprise; he was such a wonderful, funny, grumpy, secretly sweet twi’lek, not to mention one with a glorious body and a terribly handsome face… She allowed herself to revel in this thought for a moment, before she continued.

“I would like it if…maybe…you could stay with me? Tonight? We don’t have to do anything,” she rushed to add, “I just…”

“Yes.” His arms tightened around her.

“Oh. Okay then.” She felt her cheeks getting a little pink.

“Zenith…”

“Hmm?” He seemed perfectly content where they were, and she was pretty thrilled with the situation as well, but the floor was starting to become uncomfortable.

“Maybe we should relocate to somewhere with…cushions?”

He seemed to become aware of their surroundings suddenly; he looked around, then down at her, and laughed.

The sound filled her with optimism; she hadn’t heard him laugh in much too long.


	17. Chapter 17

The others soon began returning to the ship, so they didn’t have much time to speak further, but Adaia’s heart bloomed with hope, and she felt light as a zephyr the rest of the afternoon.

After weeks of dodging one another’s eyes, avoiding proximity, and in general increasing the tension on the ship by a hundredfold, Adaia could now barely keep her gaze off of Zenith. They were seated next to one another at the meeting table, and every once in a while his knee would brush hers, or their hands would just barely touch.

Despite her recent experiences, Adaia found herself blushing on several occasions, as she struggled to avoid mooning at him like a lovesick nerf.

“Adaia,” Nadia asked at one point, her voice deceptively innocent, “Are you feeling alright? Your face is quite flushed.”

Adaia stared at her for a moment, carefully keeping her face blank. “If I am ill, it’s a shame I couldn’t rely on you to heal me,” she stated blandly, “considering your level of control in the Force.” Nadia bit her lip, half chastened but half amused. Satisfied her Padawan wouldn’t continue to tease her, she turned back to Qyzen.

After an excruciating (but, she admitted, rather exciting) two hours, Adaia retired to her quarters.

She opened the drawer where she’d stowed the item she’d bought while on Voss.

She couldn’t wear it yet – it was too soon. It wasn’t that it was terribly revealing, but she knew it would make it seem as if she was expecting something to happen between them, and she wasn’t.

She couldn’t deny that she entertained the thought – how could she not? Now that they’d begun mending their relationship, and she knew he still had feelings for her, she couldn’t help but be reminded of her attraction towards him. It was especially strong when contrasted with the despair she’d felt in his presence ever since their…reckoning.

But if she tried to entice Zenith into sleeping with her now, it would be manipulation, plain and simple. The beginning of their relationship had gone wrong partially based on her being less than honest, and she wasn’t about to repeat that mistake.

Besides that, she didn’t want her physical relationship with Zenith to be anything like what she’d experienced on Voss. That had been enjoyable, she couldn’t deny that. The things she’d done, the things that had been done _to_ her, had gone far beyond the threshold of pleasure she thought she was capable of. But it was just _sex_. The purpose of it had been clear – to help her improve her Force control, nothing more. When she looked back on the people she’d been intimate with, she didn’t feel a shred of longing for any of them.

She certainly didn’t have _bad_ feelings toward them; to the contrary, she had great respect for Valen-Zo, and his skill in determining what methods to use to help her. Kira-Ton had taught her some very interesting things about herself, and she’d actually found Malos-Ka to be a very sweet, sincere man, and wished him the best in his endeavors to explore.

But they were just acquaintances; Healers she’d become friendly with, but not attached to.

She knew now that her feelings for Zenith were genuine, and went far beyond the physical. She thought back to the ideas that had flitted through her head during that first encounter – that if he’d wanted a ‘no strings attached’ physical relationship, she would have indulged it. How foolish that would have been. But there’d really been no possibility of that, regardless of her ‘illness’; Zenith had never intended any such thing. She hugged this knowledge to her as she got ready for bed – being careful to don a little more clothing than she normally did, just to make sure Zenith didn’t feel uncomfortable.

If, that is, he didn’t change his mind about staying with her.

Maybe he didn’t want the crew to get the wrong idea. Maybe he’d decided he couldn’t sleep with her without things happening that he would later regret. Maybe just laying with her wasn’t something that even interested him…

The door buzzed, and her heart echoed the noise with an uncomfortable leap.

She rushed to open it, a timid smile on her face. But it was only C2-N2.

“Hello Master! I wanted to let you know I have received approval to upgrade the—“

“Thank you, C2,” she interrupted him, “but can this wait until tomorrow?”

“Oh, I felt sure you would want to be informed right away when I—“

“Consider me informed, I appreciate it, good night.” She closed the door. She normally wasn’t so short with the droid, but she didn’t think she could bear to listen to him expound on the glories of new seat cushions, just now.

The door almost immediately buzzed again, and she waved it open with an exasperated sigh.

“C2, I told you—“

She was face to face with Zenith. Her breath caught in her throat; but C2 was still there, outside the door. She couldn’t say or do anything until they had some privacy.

Zenith held her gaze for a full three seconds before turning to C2-N2.

“Come back tomorrow, droid,” he ordered brusquely. Adaia pursed her lips to prevent a chuckle.

“But sir! This is a very important—“

“And if you buzz the door in the next 12 hours, I’ll deactivate you.”

Adaia ducked behind the door, covering her mouth as she tried to silence her laughter.

C2 emitted an outraged droid equivalent of a gasp, and hurried away.

Zenith stepped inside, mashing the button behind him to close the door.

He quickly closed the distance between them, reached for her face, but hesitated when his hand was a breath away.

Her forest green eyes held his darker ones for a moment, then closed as she caught his hand and cradled it to her cheek.

His sigh sounded like laying down the heaviest of burdens, and he melted against her, putting his forehead to hers, his left hand going to her back.

Hope bolstered her, made her feel light, liberated. She slid her arms around his neck, carefully bypassing his lekku lest he think she was trying to instigate anything. All she wanted was his embrace, his arms around her, his warmth, his happiness. She laid her head against his chest, breathing him in, as he stroked her face.

He kissed the top of her head. She squeezed her eyes shut, this feeling of utter contentment and joy almost more than her heart could bear to contain.

She felt his hand slide down her braid, pulling out the tie at the end, so that the pale strands began to unwind. He ran his fingers through the straight, heavy length, eliciting a sigh from her.

“While you were gone,” he murmured against her hair, “I kept thinking of all the things I’d done wrong that night, all the things I wanted to do when we were together again. Of course, I had no idea how horribly I’d actually kriffed things—“ she squeezed and shushed him, not wanting this moment to slide downward into recriminations.

Understanding and tacitly agreeing, for the moment, he continued. “One of those things was running my fingers through your hair. I asked myself a hundred times how I’d been in that situation and managed to hardly touch it at all…so stupid.”

She gave a low chuckle. “Well, you’re making up for it now.” She turned her face up to his.

He searched her eyes for…something. Reassurance, forgiveness, acceptance – she didn’t know. Whatever he needed from her, though, she would give it to him.

Eventually, he leaned down the scant inches required to put his lips to hers, and softly kissed her. He barely parted his lips, his mouth gently caressing hers, not invading, not demanding, just expressing his affection.

She did feel her desire raise its head, but it was so tied up in her love for him that she was able to control it more successfully than she’d expected.

As Zenith drew back, she had a moment of curiosity. Keeping her eyes on his, she held out one hand, palm up, and tried to pull her lightsaber from where it rested on her nightstand. She saw it move out of the corner of her eye, and quickly it floated into her hand.

Her smile was blinding. She stepped back in the circle of his arms for a moment, and held up the lightsaber.

He looked tentatively proud, but more so confused. “Ok, you’re going to have to explain this to me in more detail,” he told her.

“Before I went to Voss, I wouldn’t have been able to do that,” she stated simply. “With you here, kissing me – I would’ve had no control, over myself or over the Force.”

“Wow.”

“Indeed. I’ve improved, but…” She sent the lightsaber zooming back across the room to its original position.

“But?”

“I don’t want to…” she sighed. “I don’t want to bring us down, let’s not talk about it.”

“Adaia. We have to talk about it some time. I’ll…try not to get upset over it, ok? Just explain it to me.”

She took his hand and led him to the bed, where she sat cross-legged, and indicated for him to sit across from her.

Taking his hands in hers, she began. “So, bear with me, I’m not sure if I’ll make sense considering you’re not Force-sensitive, but I’ll try.”

He nodded.

“When I wield the Force, normally it’s….almost tangible. I can feel it on my skin, I can mold it like clay, imbue it with properties, shape it, direct it.” Already he seemed fascinated; she supposed he’d never had a Force-user explain to him what it was like before.

“At the beginning of all this, when I tried to use the Force while in an…excited state, instead it felt like…trying to get a hold of smoke. It was insubstantial, ephemeral.”

“Seven hells, Adaia…I can’t imagine how awful…”

“It was…unsettling,” she managed. He looked down, and she quickly brought his hand to her face, kissing his palm and then setting it against her cheek.

“Your habit of trying to comfort me in this situation is equally endearing and exasperating, Jedi,” he said wryly, nonetheless stroking her cheek.

She smiled. “Get used to it.”

“I suppose I can live with that.”

She nuzzled his hand again, then lowered it.

“So, what is it like now?” he asked.

“Well, now I’m not…I mean, I am, but…” she actually blushed. Her propensity for becoming red in the face at idiotic times had really become quite a talent, she thought.

Zenith didn’t help when he chuckled at her. She shoved him playfully.

“What I mean is, I can somewhat control my…excitement level, at this point,” she finally got out the words. “So what I just did, isn’t necessarily an indicator of what it would be like…if my state of mind was...more agitated.”

“Understood.” He looked away for a moment, and it seemed his mood was descending again.

“Adaia…do I…do I want to know what you went through on Voss?”

Her face burned. This time it was she who looked away. “I would rather not say. Maybe someday, but not…not yet.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—“

“No, it’s fine; it wasn’t…” she shook her head, trying to find the right words that wouldn’t make it sound even worse than it already was. “They didn’t hurt me, if that’s what you’re worried about. It wasn’t...horrible.” She hoped he’d let her leave it at that. He seemed slightly reassured by this, and thankfully changed the subject.

“I wanted to ask you about something. Something else,” he amended.

“Of course.”

“So obviously I know now that you are not, in fact, ‘ _one of those Jedi’_ ,” he began, and she could tell he was embarrassed at his choice of words that first night. He shouldn’t be, she thought – it was her fault he’d gotten that impression. “But that doesn’t really explain what your views ARE on the subject. Of…of relationships.” His rosy skin turned a little darker as he stared at their hands.

She felt a rush of elation that he would even ask her this; clearly they were on the same page about what might be happening between them, so that was a start.

“Well, as you know, Jedi are…encouraged to forego romantic relationships,” she began. “The Council doesn’t really condone physical affairs either, but they tend to turn a blind eye. However, it’s not unprecedented for Jedi to bond with someone, even to the point of getting married, so—“ she broke off in horror. “Not that I meant that we were—I mean, I was just being theoretical, it wasn’t—“

Zenith laughed out loud. “I’m sorry,” he finally managed, “your embarrassment shouldn’t amuse me so much…”

She gave a tentative smile, still blushing. “Well. You know what I mean, I guess.”

“Yes Jedi, I know what you mean.” He squeezed her hands.

“So, I already told you I’d never had any…physical interludes with anyone. But I haven’t had any romantic ones either. Not because I’m against it. Obviously,” she added wryly. “I think that if you don’t let yourself give in to the darker emotions that can come along with love, like jealousy for instance, then…having a partner can actually make you stronger.”

Zenith nodded. “Good. I assumed you didn’t have an issue with it, but I wanted to know if you felt…guilty at the thought of us…being…” he looked down.

She stared at him. Being what? Was he going to classify what they had? _Was_ there a classification?

“Together,” he finished, seeming very insecure suddenly. But when he finally looked back up at her face, her blazing smile reassured him.

Impulsively she jumped to her knees and threw her arms around him. He hugged her back, fiercely.

“Is that what we are, Zenith?” she whispered against his neck. “Together?”

He squeezed her tighter. “If you’re…” He swallowed. “If you’re ok with that, and it seems like you are.”

She nodded silently.

“But Adaia, listen to me.” His tone had grown very grave, and she wanted to look at his face to better gauge his mood, but he wouldn’t let her go. “You need to know that I…I still have trouble. With what happened.”

She nodded against his shoulder.

“I still don’t understand how you…want me. After that. I can barely live with my _self_. But I swear to you, I will earn your trust again.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, barely repressing tears. He was so fierce and gruff on the outside, so taciturn, but on the inside…he was so much more.

He pulled her back, and on seeing her tears he began apologizing.

She put her fingers to his lips, and leaned her forehead against his.

“Thank you,” she said simply.

Soon Zenith suggested that they get some sleep, and Adaia agreed. She marveled at the fact that she’d begun this day with a heart full of despair, and now her feelings couldn’t be more opposite.

They stood, and she pulled back the covers. Zenith looked skeptically at her outfit.

“Is that…what you normally wear to bed?” he asked doubtfully.

She looked down at her rather loose shirt, and pants that, though thin and stretchy, came to below her knees.

“Well, no…” she replied, her face sheepish. “But I didn’t want to…that is, I thought you might prefer it if I was…more covered than usual.”

Zenith sighed and shook his head. “I’m sure I can—“

He stopped.

“Maybe you’re right,” he amended, “I don’t really trust myself as it is.”

“Well now I have to ask…are you planning on wearing that?” She gestured to his long sleeves and actual entire pants.

He looked a little chagrined. “Well, I…”

“You’re right,” she replied immediately. “You should definitely not take any of that off; I am extremely predatory, as you may have noticed, so you should protect yourself as much as possible.” She pursed her lips together to keep from giggling.

“You think you’re so funny,” he growled, and subsequently pulled off his shirt.

Stars, she’d forgotten just how beautiful his body was….maybe she shouldn’t have provoked him, she thought, and swallowed. She definitely wasn’t laughing now.

Lust surged through her, warm and fierce.

She sat heavily on the bed, using all her might to call on the Force, to calm her hormones which had just nearly overtaken her in a ferocious wave. 

She knew Zenith was confused but she couldn’t spare any concentration to explain to him, yet; she had to rein in her physical reaction, or…or she’d have to tell him they couldn’t stay the night together until he was ready for things to progress further.

After a full minute in which she sat, eyes closed, Force faintly dancing over her skin, and Zenith just standing there bewildered, she finally looked up at him. She bit her lip at his concerned expression. It was somewhat ironic, she thought, that she was the one who was in danger of losing control of herself over _him_ , instead of the other way around.

“I…wasn’t prepared for that,” she explained inadequately.

He blinked, and then his eyes widened.

“Are you telling me…that you just had to use the Force to curb your _libido_? Because I took my _shirt_ off?” he said incredulously.

Her face flamed and she looked away. “Well when you put it like that…” she mumbled.

His bark of laughter surprised her, and her gaze flew back to his, eyebrows raised. He caught her off guard again when he quickly moved forward and gently pushed her over in the bed, climbing in next to her and drawing the covers around them. He pulled her close to him, tucking her into his side.

“You’re a strange, wonderful woman, full of contradictions, Adaia,” he told her as she waved the lights off, glad she could perform even this small feat.

She sighed in satisfaction and nestled into the curve of his shoulder, her arm across his chest. He reached down and pulled her leg across him; she worried for a moment that this would be too suggestive, although she was terribly comfortable. Given their proximity she could feel when his heart sped up slightly.

She took a risk, and reached out, gathering the Force to her. It was difficult – there was no denying she wasn’t fully calm herself, in this situation. But she could still draw on it to some extent, and she laid her hand over Zenith’s heart, slowly, gently pouring a small measure of peace over him.

His heart slowed under her hand, and he covered hers with his own.

“Thank you,” he whispered in the darkness. She smiled, glad her efforts hadn’t been rejected.

“Adaia…” he murmured after a few minutes of silence.

“Yes Zenith?”

“I…”

She tried to gauge his mood, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

“Never mind. Good night.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

The nights with Zenith were actually good for Adaia – she was able to practice her control. As she lay there in the dark, after he’d gone to sleep, or before he’d woken up, she would make up Force exercises for herself. After the first night she set things around the room, heavy things, that she could later practice lifting. On the fifth night, he’d come to bed in just boxer briefs, and she’d had to renew her efforts.

She was actually rather proud of her progress; but she couldn’t fool herself, either – being able to Force-lift things when Zenith was sleeping in the bed next to her wasn’t really any indication of how she would do if they actually engaged in physical intimacy. But hopefully she’d get the chance to test that, as well.

After ten nights, she decided she’d had enough of wearing a full set of clothes to bed, and put on her regular outfit of a tank top and tiny shorts.

When Zenith came to her room that evening, he stopped short inside the door, and after a moment’s pause reached back and slammed the door button with his fist. It swooshed shut behind him, and he just stood there.

Adaia bit her lip. Maybe this had been a bad idea.

“No Jedi,” he said, almost reading her mind, “it’s fine, I was wondering how long you could stand to wear that getup to bed, considering how warm you get when you sleep.”

For some reason the fact that he knew this little tidbit about her struck her as very…comforting, and sweet. Domestic, somehow.

“Besides,” he added as he took his shirt off and moved toward her. “I’ve been wanting to try something…”

She raised her eyebrows. What sort of experiment did he want to do that was related to her pajamas? Immediately several thoughts came to mind, and she blushed; she ruthlessly quashed them all. He probably meant something about a different sleeping position.

Her theory was put in question when his arm snaked around her, and he pulled her tight against him. As his lips lowered to hers, she let herself dare to hope that perhaps this was the night when he allowed things between them to progress.

He gently nudged her toward the bed. But instead of crawling into it like he normally did, as soon as she sat down on the edge he knelt in front of her, reclaiming her lips. Simultaneously he ran his hands up her legs, then to her waist, underneath her shirt. She closed her eyes, and he immediately let go, but she quickly grabbed his hands and put them back.

The feeling of his rough hands on her smooth skin was everything she remembered, but twice as incredible given how things were between them now.

“Adaia…you might want to turn the lights off,” Zenith murmured, and her breath caught; was this really going where she thought it was? She obediently waved a hand, happy that her healing had at least allowed her to perform small Force miracles such as shutting off the lights, even in her excited state.

“Promise me something,” he continued once the room was dark.

“Anything, Zenith…” she breathed, and was surprised and a little scared by how profoundly she meant it.

“Please, _please_ stop me. If…if I do anything that you don’t—“

“I promise, Zenith,” she interrupted, putting her hand on his face. “I swear I will say something if I need to, ok?”

“Thank you.” She smiled at him in the darkness. Her sweet, careful man.

Then his hands lowered to her shorts, and her breath quickened as he very slowly pulled them down, then off.

She started to move backwards into the bed, but his hands on her legs prevented her. Confused, she stilled, and waited for him to make the next move. He leaned forward, and lifting her shirt he pressed a kiss against her ribcage, at the same time pushing her back slightly on the bed.

Her heart was racing as he continued planting feather kisses on her abdomen, and she arched her back.

He moved lower, his lips against her hip. She gasped.

Then his hands were on her knees, slowly, ever so slowly pushing them apart.

Stars and galaxies. It was happening – and now there was no awkwardness, no lies, no confusion.

Then she felt his lips against her inner thigh. She made a noise of surprise in her throat and Zenith drew back.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No!” she replied, her voice quiet but vehement. Immediately he put his mouth on her again, further up this time.

Just to make sure that he knew her opinion of his actions, she spread her legs a little farther.

Mere inches away from her heat, she heard and felt him whisper, “Mmm, good girl.”

The throb of arousal this awoke in her was almost painful. She should have known from some of her previous interactions that praise was something that magnified her lust, but when it came from Zenith…it seemed her reaction was enhanced tenfold.

Then his fingers were between her legs, and she whimpered as they slid along her heat, stroking her sex lightly.

“Can I put my fingers inside you, Adaia?” His breath caressed her, and she shuddered with pleasure.

“Please, Zenith. Please…”

And he obliged, two fingers slowly, gently slipping into her, sliding out, then in yet again. Then slid in deeper still, stroking in search of the spot that would make her hips jerk.

He found it quickly, giving a low purr of gratification when he pressed upward and she let out a stifled cry. He pressed again, and as he did he used his other hand to part her, and softly, tentatively, his tongue probed her wetness.

This time her cry was louder. She reached down as he lightly suckled her, and he gave a low murmur of approval as she stroked what she could reach of his lekku.

He continued pushing upward with his fingers, his tongue flickering back and forth over her nub until almost every panting breath was punctuated by a whimper.

“Zenith…” she cried plaintively. He pushed his fingers into her harder.

She gasped his name again, and he gently pulled her sensitive flesh between his teeth.

Her orgasm felt like it would shatter her, the pleasure igniting every nerve, her whole body quivering. Zenith’s growl of satisfaction as she tightened around his fingers and jerked under his mouth sent a second wave of ecstasy shooting through her, and she almost sobbed his name as she came again.

As she lay there, trying to regain her breath, he slowly withdrew his fingers. She heard him undressing quickly, but then he unexpectedly picked her up, putting her under the covers and climbing in next to her.

“But…but Zenith…” she began, struggling to articulate her confusion.

“That’s enough for tonight,” he said softly, kissing her forehead.

“But you…it’s not fair…”

“Soon, love. I promise.”

She bit her lip in the darkness. If her reward for patience was him saying things like that, she could be a model of restraint, she decided.

And on that thought she fell asleep.


	19. Chapter 19

Zenith grumbled again, but she knew his protests were just for show – it had been a while since he accompanied her on a mission, and she was well aware he was looking forward to it, cold or no.

She donned cold weather gear, a mostly white, close-fitting outfit. She'd never been much for the capes that many of her Jedi compatriots sported, but she wore one now just due to the cold, a silvery thermal material that billowed behind her as she disembarked planetside and made her way to the taxi area.

"You look very formidable," Zenith whispered as they climbed into the insulated vehicle, which would take them closer to their goal – a group of Gamorreans in Highmount Ridge. An ortolan she'd met here once before had contacted her on her ship, asking for her help with them.

"Well, hopefully that will help to wrap up this mission quickly," she replied, with little hope. She had no problem with Gamorreans, but once she'd found out that they were hopped up on stims…it was unlikely to go well. Not to mention they'd already proved themselves violent.

But she would attempt negotiation regardless; that was always her first tactic.

Thirty minutes later, she sighed as she realized she'd already worn out her – ridiculously brief – welcome. She knew Zenith would be poised to back her up from his position far behind, hidden by an unused structure in the Gamorrean camp.

"There is no need for this to descend into further violence—" she began, without much hope.

"Your threats are meaningless here, Jedi!" the one she was speaking to cut her off. "You are in our territory, what do you think you can do to make us do what you want?" He laughed, a guttural, unpleasant sound.

She gave a tiny shrug, and just as a gust of wind lifted her cape aside, a tuft of snow exploded at the Gamorrean's feet.

He jumped, and as she'd anticipated, the camp sprang into movement. There were easily thirty or forty "Unstoppable Horde" – ridiculous name – and only her and Zenith to go against them, but she wasn't worried.

She held her staff out, and pale green light sprang out at both ends. Twirling it, she deflected several blows aimed at her. Then she darted to her left, hamstringing an adversary who was aiming beyond her, at Zenith. Whirled around to her right, and planted an elbow in the gut of a large fellow with a vibroblade; when he came after her again, he found the heat of her saberstaff had created a hole through his gut.

She permitted herself a small smile as her enemies approached, then began to fall back as they realized she was more than a match for them, considering she had a sniper for backup. She didn't enjoy hurting people, but the thrill of battle was something she couldn't quite repress.

She heard blaster fire from Zenith's direction, and turned for a moment to see that he'd discarded his rifle in favor of the quicker weapons he kept at his side; but he only had two brutes to fend off – he would be fine.

She dispatched the last two opponents who dared to challenge her, and the rest shuffled off into their huts. Zenith joined her in the largest hut, where they found two crates of high-potency stims, slightly depleted.

"Two crates," she marveled. "They would have been terrorizing the surrounding communities for weeks!"

Zenith didn’t answer, and she turned to find him looking at her strangely.

But she'd already dialed Leebo Nobim on her personal holocom, and turned back to apprise him of her success.

***  
When she got back to the ship, she immediately took a shower – fighting always made her feel grungy, however brief. And though this conflict hadn't been too up close and personal, she did unfortunately have several bloodstains on her white gear that she would have to have C2 attend to later. She hated having others' blood on her after a fight – not only was it rather disgusting in the first place, but it also reminded her that she'd had to injure or kill people, which wasn't a pleasant thing to dwell on.

After she’d been under the hot water for several minutes, she heard Zenith come into her room, but thought little of it – they’d spent every night together for weeks.

But he shocked her when he came into the refresher… without a stitch on.

She had to put a hand against he wall to steady herself amid her immediate and overwhelming desire.

He stepped under the water with her, his lips claiming hers with more force than he normally used, and she wasn’t sure she understood why. It wasn’t as if she’d done anything extraordinary today…

Her conjectures were soon rendered unimportant, meaningless, as he ran his hands up her naked body, pulling her against him, his arousal pressing deliciously into her stomach.

They hadn’t gotten quite this far on any other night.

“Zenith,” she breathed as he lowered his head to her neck. “What—”

“You have no idea what it does to me,” he growled, and she made some noise of confusion.

“The way you just…you’re so _graceful_ , Adaia, when you’re fighting, it’s just…I can’t…”

He dropped to his knees, hot water rushing over them both, and took her breast in his mouth. They didn’t speak for some minutes; she didn’t think her mouth would form words, especially when his fingers slipped between her legs. And his mouth was…otherwise occupied.

Before she could even process what he was doing, he lifted her from beneath the water, and deposited her in the bed, dripping – in more ways than one.

He immediately knelt before her, pushing her legs apart – exercising some restraint even though she could tell it cost him.

A sharp intake of breath when his tongue penetrated her; she arched her back, and he laid a hand over her abdomen as his mouth elicited ever louder cries from hers.

But then he moved, turning her in the bed.

Was he…was he finally—

He looked at her as he moved up over her, his warm, solid body settling between her legs.

“Adaia…I…”

“Please, Zenith…” she breathed. Although she’d had to be specific about this part before, in a different but similar situation, asking for exactly what she wanted from her partner, she hoped he wouldn’t make her vocalize it. She didn’t want anything to make her feel like this time, with him, was like those other times.

He bit his lip…and entered her.

She gave a soft sigh as his length slid slowly in; she knew he was watching her carefully, so worried she would reject him, or be afraid.

The only thing she was afraid of was the strength of her reaction to him.

She lifted her hips, taking in more of him, and he made a strangled noise.

After what seemed like an eternity, he pulled out slightly…and then pushed deep, burying himself fully inside her.

His groan was so pained she thought it might be a sob, but she couldn’t blame him.

The pleasure was sublime, and as he put his lips to her hair, she thought her heart might break under the emotional weight of this moment.

And suddenly she realized something. Something that all her ‘training’ on Voss had failed to take into account.

Her Healers could _never_ match the level of arousal she felt with Zenith.

Because she loved him.

The added layer of emotion over the physical experience turned it into something completely different…

She had to know. With all the focus she could muster, as he slowly began moving in and out, she reached her hand out, her eye on her lightsaber where it rested on the table, just out of reach. His head was turned the other way, he couldn’t see.

She concentrated on control, all that she’d learned, practiced…

But the force slipped through her grasp like water. The lightsaber merely rolled to the side, then was still.

For one brief moment tears sprang to her eyes. All that work, for nothing. There had been no point to any of it if she was still powerless when she was with Zenith…

But then she took a deep breath, unwilling to sully this experience with sadness. It didn’t matter, would never matter, because Zenith would never do anything that required her to use the Force while they were being intimate.

These thoughts slipped away as Zenith's movements became more purposeful, and pressure began to build within her. She easily lost herself to the waves that rolled through her, slowly at first, then with increasing frequency, her hips rising to meet him, her arms wrapped tightly around him, hands clutching his back.

This time he rectified his lapse with her hair, frequently smoothing it away from her face as he kissed her, threading his fingers into it behind her head.

The one thing she could do, now, was hold back, at least a little. She couldn't have resisted much longer, but she felt when his body began to tense.

She wrapped her legs around him, arching her back, trying to pull him deeper—

"Ah!" he breathed, and then, lowering his lips to her ear, “my good girl…"

She lost what little control she had, her pleasure fracturing into lightning that danced across and through her, radiating from her center down to her fingertips, her toes. But the sensations transcended the physical, her heart seeming to vibrate, her very soul resonating with the force of it.

Zenith could not resist this catalyst, and he drove into her with a cry of tortuous release, his length pulsing deep and hot as he came.

She lay there, dazed…

She had _never_ come like that on Voss. Nothing she'd done there had prepared her for this.

She blinked. Perhaps she was just being melodramatic – she had so little knowledge, actually making love was totally outside her experience. Was it always this…explosive? This…spiritual?

"Love…" Zenith whispered, his voice exhausted but supremely content. He'd lowered himself slightly, resting just a bit of his weight on her, and she squeezed him, enjoying his warmth. But finally he withdrew, eliciting a sigh from her, and rolled onto his side, draping an arm and a leg across her damp body.

"That was…" she began, but couldn't find the words she needed to describe it.

"A little overwhelming," he whispered, but didn’t seem dismayed. She gave a little nod.

"Are you…alright?" he asked then, raising his head from its resting place in the curve of her neck to look at her, again tucking a stray lock of still-wet hair behind her ear.

"I…I've never felt better in my life," she said honestly, with a little laugh, her voice full of wonder.

"Mmm…feeling is mutual," he murmured, relaxing into her again with a sigh.

But should she tell him? It could ruin this moment. It could ruin what they'd worked for weeks to achieve, it could undo all the healing they'd brought to one another…

But she didn't feel bad about it. Didn't even care, really, except that now she regretted, a little, going to Voss. There were quite a few experiences she'd rather not have had with strangers…

His hand slid over her belly, up her chest, to rest over her heart.

"Something's bothering you," he stated, and for one brief moment she wondered how she'd ever keep anything from him if they somehow developed a Force bond…

"I find it a little unfair that you're better at reading me than I am at reading anyone – I'm the one that's supposed to be Force sensitive," she joked softly, covering his hand with hers.

He chuckled, but didn't relent. "Tell me."

"Okay, but remember, I can kill you with a thought."

This time he snorted. "Not if I—" and he leaned into her ear and whispered something that made her blush crimson.

"It is underhanded to use that as a weapon against me!" she protested weakly.

He grinned. "It's all I got, love. Now spill it."

She sighed. "Everything I did on Voss, I did because I thought…I thought I had to fix myself, if we were going to be anything. Me and you."

He lifted himself on one elbow, his expression growing more intent. "I don't think I understand. I know that what…" he swallowed, looked away for a moment, but she turned his chin back toward her. "What happened between us revealed your issue to you, but…"

"Well, I tried to tell myself I needed to fix it in case of future encounters with anyone, but…especially once you sent me that message, I…"

"I wanted to ask you but I felt stupid…do you have any idea how long I looked at my damned datapad before I sent that? 'She's going to think I'm an idiot' and 'I'll sound so needy, better rewrite it'," he lamented.

She smiled delightedly. "Glad it wasn't just me," she said wryly, "and let me tell you your reply nearly made me sick I was so giddy."

He startled her when he leaned down and kissed her, putting an end to their discussion for a bit.

But eventually he drew back, and she knew he meant for her to go on.

"Unfortunately, although as I showed you I am capable of doing more than I was before…I don't think…I don't think the methods are…well, I don't think they took what we have into account."

"I don't get it."

"They underestimated how much my feelings for you magnify my…my arousal," she finally said, cheeks pink, but there was no reason to be embarrassed…they were laying naked in her bed, for Force sake. “I mean, to be fair, they didn’t know, I didn’t exactly mention…”

He stared at her for a moment, and his brow lowered a little bit.

"You can't use it, can you."

She shook her head. "But…does it really matter?"

"Adaia, I can't just—"

"Think about it, Zenith. You're the only person I trust, and the only person I want to be with. Ever. Why would I need to use it with you? _Against_ you? I won't. If I need to use it against someone else, then fine – that I can do."

He was silent, and she could tell he was mulling this over. He did seem disappointed, and she felt a little ashamed all over again that she had this problem at all.

"Well…I suppose part of trusting one another is me trusting you to know yourself," he said finally. "If…if you think it's not a problem, I can…try….to get past it."

"Thank you,” she breathed as he laid back down. "But I have to point out, you had to have had sex with non-Force-users before, right? So how is this any different?"

"Everything about you, about _us_ , is different."

She immediately felt warm inside. "I-is it?"

He turned to her. "Of course it is. You know it is. Not just the circumstances, but…I don't know…" he sighed as he trailed off. "But yes, I understand what you're saying – I should just pretend you never had the Force in the first place."

She gave a little nod.

"I'm not sure I can do that. But like I said…I'll work on it."

She curled more closely into him, immensely relieved that he hadn't reacted with anger, or despair. The situation – her lack of Force control – wasn't ideal, but it needn't be a mountain between them.

A small, contented smile on her face, she slept.


End file.
